GOATMILK: An intellectual playground edited by Wajahat Ali

Perhaps if we know our enemy, we will know ourselves and become the “good Muslim” and the “good American.” Too bad most of us are sleeping.

By Wajahat Ali, January 16, 2006

	Yawn

Friends. Neighbors. Husbands. Terrorists. Muslims. Darkies.

The last two descriptive nouns (Muslims and Darkies) were added for dramatic effect by yours truly, however the first four (Friends. Neighbors. Husbands. Terrorists.) accompany the faces of four non-Muslim actors playing Al-Qaeda-esque would be “Islamist”, terrorist, fundamentalist, Mohammedan Jihadis (pick adjective of your choice) on the poster for Showtime’s new, not so original series, “Sleeper Cell.”

In the past century, Hollywood’s illuminating portrayal and characterizations of Muslims, Arabs, and token Darkies have comfortably existed somewhere between grossly racist, obscenely simplistic and laughably absurd. Responding to the evolving cultural-political ramifications of the “War on Terror,” the two co-creators of “Sleeper Cell” (both non-Arab and non-Muslim) decided not to board the stereotype train, and instead held auditions for a new, multicultural, United Colors of Benetton- terrorist squad. The hooked, bulbous nosed scimitar wielding ogre from the “Aladdin” cartoon and irrational, darkie Palestinian terrorist has transformed into a more heterogeneous, chameleon personality: the hero (Darwyn), an African American convert to Islam playing an undercover FBI agent infiltrating the terrorist cell; the cell’s leader, an Arab extremist posing as a Jewish security analyst (played by Israeli born Jewish actor Oded Fehr, whose resume includes exotic but heroic Arab darkie in the mind numbingly inane blockbuster “The Mummy”); Tommy, the white convert and obvious John Walker Lindh foil, whose liberal, Berkeley parents failed him; a former European skinhead who finds “peace” by embracing extremist ideology; a Bosnian ‘mujahid’; and finally an Egyptian-American who also conveniently teaches high school science. The kicker? The respective members of this multicultural death squad all seamlessly blend in American society as high school teachers, tour guides, security consultants, and grocery-store employees – basic all American jobs held by average Americans who all happen to be Muslim – and potential holy warriors. The point? Your neighbor could be your enemy. The enemy is here. But where?

(Cue dramatic music, extreme close up, and a flash of thunder).

Structurally, the show resembles a routine fast paced, race against time suspense thriller. Our hero, Darywn, concealing his secret identity as an FBI agent, acts as willing participant in the cell’s increasingly illegal and violent activities with the intent of ascertaining and stopping their final “passport to heaven” suicide mission (releasing toxic, deadly gas in the middle of a packed, baseball stadium to inflict maximum damage to the “infidels.”)

Showtime took a page from Fox’s “24″ public relations snafu and wisely decided to repeatedly highlight that “Sleeper Cell” is not meant to defame or dishonor Muslims and Islam. Before the show’s premier, Showtime aired a 30 minute “making of” special entitled “Sleeper Cell: Known Your Enemy.” Alongside the “rah-rah-rah” publicity boost for the upcoming show, this special included a ten minute not so subtle “We swear we love Muslims, please believe us” segment, which included the translation and proper pronunciations of words such as “Allah hu Akbar” (God is Greatest), “Al Qaeda”, and “Jihad.” Furthermore, the interviewees, composing of actors, the creators, and special advisors, regurgitated the recycled, fossilized theme of “See? We’re showing there are bad Muslims, but also GOOD Muslims, too! We love darkies also!” Robert Greenblat, president of Showtime, recently stated that in the show “there are positive portrayals… and negative portrayals, which is reflective of the world” advocating the need for people to realize the complexities of our social, world climate consisting of “good Muslims” and “bad Muslims.” Noble intentions, indeed, but how to celebrate and highlight the “good” Muslim, when the good Muslim’s entire actions, existence, rhetoric, and behavior are juxtaposed as defensive and offensive reactions to the overwhelming focus on the irrational violence, seething hatred, anti Americanism, and obscurant fanaticism of his “bad Muslim” peers?

Kamran Pasha, one of the hired writers and an American Pakistani Muslim, at least acknowledged this predicament: “Of course the risk always is, even if we show a positive Muslim hero, some people may walk away thinking their next door neighbor is a sleeper cell member.” To say that “some people” might think this is an understatement considering the non stop barrage of negative images of Islam, Muslims, and Arabs has so thoroughly penetrated the psyche of Americans that merely mentioning “Islam” and Arab” elicits a mental image of “terrorism” and “”extremism.” As an example, a recent poll showed that 50% support the President’s controversial secret wiretapping of private conversations, which arguably, lies outside the proper scope and procedure of the 4th amendment. As HL Mencken once wrote, people would rather feel safe than be free. Americans would readily barter their own civil liberties such as the right to privacy, in exchange for the mere illusion of safety and comfort, even though this gamble might jeopardize their guaranteed freedoms. (We are a “freedom loving” country are we not?)

But it’s ok. Why? Because the President is going after “them” and not “us,” even though “us” includes Muslims, Arabs, Hindus, Sikhs, light skinned blacks confused as Arabs, Mexicans confused for Middle Easterners, and pretty much anyone with the slightest, vaguest connection to “questionable activity.” It even includes someone like international renowned peace activist and former singer Yusuf Islam (Cat Stevens), who was denied entry into the US in 2004 after being placed on a “national security watch list.” What were they watching? A repeat of the VH-1 special highlighting Islam’s conversion? Or maybe a hidden Al Qaeda message encrypted in Islam’s famous hit ironically titled “Peace Train?” No one knows, but you can rest assured dangerous elements such as Yusuf Islam, who never received a proper, official reason for being included on this list, are being vigilantly “watched.”

In fact, the Showtime special unknowingly and ironically emphasizes this fear-inducing ignorance while attempting to educate the public about Islam. During the “making of special,” the strong, comforting but purposeful narrator informs us that Islam is the fastest growing religion in the world, with 1.2 billion faithful worldwide, and up to 6 million practicing in America. Then, the narrator’s voice turns deadly serious and foreboding, and the voice warns us “The number of terrorists? Unknown.”

(Cue hysterical shrieking and mass panic now).

One can never know whether entertainment puff pieces like this sincerely wish to “bridge cultures” together by juxtaposing “good minority” against “bad minority” to emphasize the “true peaceful” nature of Islam, or to merely avert a potential PR disaster thus offering this type of verbal fellatio instead. However, this method and technique of subtly advocating an agenda though frivolous entertainment, which masks a potential Public Relations “accident,” is nothing new.

The time tested strategy goes something like this: Identify, Categorize, and Exalt the character traits of the model minority by pitting “the good” minority against the “bad” minority as a learning template for all minorities to follow. Examples: Asians are model minorities compared to Blacks and Mexicans. Why? They are supposedly apolitical, culturally assimilated, passive, successful, and they don’t rock the boat. Blacks, and now Mexicans and Middle Easterners, are violent, aggressive, breed- happy, and anti-intellectual. In the realm of cinema and television, characterizations of “good darkie” include the passive, happy, dancing darkie whose sole existence serves to help white people with their golf swing (Will Smith in “Legend of Bagger Vance”), their romantic pursuits (Aunt Mammy fussing over Scarlett in “Gone with the Wind”), or act as a colorful sidekick accessory (Hajji Baba for Johnny Quest, Kato for Green Hornet, Colin Powel and Condi Rice for George Bush).

However, in their sincere but short sighted attempt at fairness, the creators of “Sleeper Cell” use a serious, practicing African American Muslim, Darwyn, played well by Michael Ealy, whose greatest career accomplishment, according to this writer, is dating Halle Berry (On behalf of all men, we salute you, Ealy). The actors, trying their best with a flaccid script, interject the script occasionally with “Islamic infotainment” pop ups to teach the non Muslim audience about Islamic culture and religion (Jihad, The Battle of the Trench, The 15th night of Shabaan are explained), and also to differentiate b/w the “good” and “bad” Muslim. Sadly, the convenient infotainment mixed inelegantly within the script comes off as unrealistic and trite. Why would a practicing Muslim “fundamentalist” feel the need to explain the significance of the 15th of Shabaan to fellow Muslims who already know? It’s reminiscent of a recent movie “Stealth” where intelligent, military advisors are reminding each other what a prime number is. Again, these robotic conversations remind Muslims of no other Muslims, because no one, and I assume even terrorists, talks like a walking Wikipedia. Furthermore, the 15th of Shabaan (“Layatal Baraa”), a night primarily used for prayer and reflection, is used by the terrorists in the show for the “unveiling” of their terrorist plot. Again, a peaceful, spiritual tradition is juxtaposed to a violent terrorist act.

This methodology of using “good minority” to fight “bad minority” in order to celebrate diversity perpetuates the illusion of inclusiveness and fairness, but in reality puts a colorful, Flintstones, “don’t worry be happy” band aid on the festering sore that is racism, stereotyping and bigotry. Also, it simultaneously forgives and condones certain unsavory and “dirty” policies of the administration.

See? Blacks never had it that bad during slavery or the racist, post Reconstruction South. They just complain too much and want reparations and fried chicken.

See? We always loved Asians, so much so we passed multiple exclusion acts, such as Chinese exclusion Act of 1882, even though the Chinese composed only .002 percent of the nation’s “then” population. (The Act was passed to assuage concerns about maintaining white “racial purity.”)

See? Muslims, Arabs, minorities, and darkies just whine and whine and nag, life is good – relax! Allow for the extension of the Patriot Act, Secret wiretapping, Guantanamo detentions, and racial profiling, which is thriving according to Lawrence A. Greenfield, former head of the Bureau of Justice Statistics (BJS), whose findings released last April without news release confirmed widespread racial profiling of “ethnic” minorities by the police. (Greenfield’s prize for unearthing racial disparities in America? He was demoted – after refusing to delete this information at the behest of the current administration.)

Torture is as common as sliced bread on the hit Fox show “24″, which follows a day in the life of agent Jack Bauer (played by Keifer Sutherland) who successfully foils terrorist plots season after season using abuse, intimidation, and violent threats. Non lethal torture, such as placing sterilized needles underneath fingernails, finds its greatest advocate in lawyer Alan Dershowitz, a self proclaimed defender of civil liberties. His “ticking time bomb” theory asks, “if you had to torture a suspected terrorist to gain whereabouts of a ticking time bomb, wouldn’t you invade that human liberty for the sake of saving thousands of lives?” Even though the ticking time bomb hypothetical is merely that – a hypothetical – it can serve as a “what if” reality that allows for the very real abuses of human liberties and rights, but that’s acceptable, since it assuages us.

In reality, the report of the heinous, S&M-style torture and abuse at Abu Ghraib prison propelled the FUBAR, public relations disaster resulting in the administration, American pundit puppets, and military personnel distancing themselves from such “un-American” behavior as to retain and regain the beleaguered trust and respect from much of the shocked “A-rab” world. You know a situation is bleak when Senators such as John McCain (R-AZ) proactively initiate an anti-torture ban to prohibit the “cruel, inhuman, or degrading” treatment of any detainee in US custody anywhere in the world, even as the administration tried for months to severely weaken the ban’s potency and credibility.

What does the “good Muslim” do? Should he speak out against unfair actions or risk the Scarlet letter of being labeled “apologist” and “soft on terror?”

In this era of mistrust, paranoia, and deception, it’s of no surprise that over 50% of Americans responding to a CNN poll think their elected officials are corrupt. This poll comes in reaction to the revelations of the Abramoff-bribing scandal linking the recently indicted lobbyist to several prominent members of Congress. Moreover, according to the Pew Research Center Poll, only 35% of Americans believe that the news shows they watch and hear daily on the TV, Internet, and radio “get the facts straight”. Who is our modern-day Walter Cronkite, once voted the most trusted man in America? Who is our cultural Jimmy Stewart, reminding us “it’s a wonderful life” after all? They’ve been replaced by single minded ideological puppets, most of whom are now very blond and very leggy, who tow the respective propaganda of their masters at the expense of accuracy, research, and ethics (The New York Time’s convicted journalist -for – hire Judith Miller’s involvement in the Valerie Plame case comes to mind). Are they to blame for the increasingly negative worldview of American foreign policies, or are the citizens themselves to be blamed for their inattention, submissive complicity, and general apathy?

Should the good Muslim stay hidden or should the good Muslim throw his stick in the middle and offer his 2 cents?

For those Muslim Americans constantly pillorying the “media” for painting them negatively, they have to take a hard look in the “say it ain’t so” mirror. Unfortunately, the actions and rhetoric of a few misguided Muslims provide the ideological ammunition for critics and enemies to fire against them. It’s like the Siphai army voluntarily loading their Enfield rifles and handing the rifles over to the British to efficiently use them for the Siphai’s execution. Pakistan recently fuels the “Muslim misogynist” engine with tragic tales of violence and abuse against innocent women, such as Mukhtaran Mai, who in 2002 was the victim of a gang “revenge rape” order by her local village counsel due to criminal actions allegedly committed by her younger brother. President Musharaf and cronies, in a complete reversal of their “enlightened moderation” stance, reportedly banned Mai from traveling to speak about her experience due to fear her tale would tarnish his administration’s mirage of a reputation. The PR disaster that followed only likened Musharaf”s blind eye to the Bush administration’s “shove it under the bed and burn the bed” mentality which seeks to suppress rather than uncover tales of abuse for fear of negative publicity. Recently, the world witnessed the unrepentant Pakistani Muslim Nazir Ahmed publicly admit to slitting the throats of his three young daughters and their 25-year-old stepsister to “salvage his family’s honor” due to allegations of adultery. Apparently, the Jahil (Urdu and Arabic for “grossly ignorant”) scholars and contemporaries of his local village, akin to several villages unfortunately, piggyback their misogynist, violent insecurities and tribal traditions on the burdened shoulders of a phantom, perverted version of Islam that never existed during the time of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), and hopefully will find no new converts in the near future. The misogyny is parallel to the misuse of “jihad” to condone terrorist actions clearly violating the sanctioned boundaries of ethical combat as permitted by Islamic Shariah (the law). Yet, the single minded, “us vs. them”, confrontational rhetoric (sound familiar, America?), provides the ideological nourishment for politically minded individuals whose zealous spine is supported by a perverted self motivated interpretation of dogma condoning reprehensible acts of violence. (Al Qaeda, Bin Laden, Al-Zawhiri, 9-11, London Subway bombings, Spain + Mali bombings).

Due to the gross inequities exhibited by this arcane behavior by Muslims against Muslims and Non Muslims, words of tolerance, peace, and women’s rights ring cheaper than a flea market bargain. The blatantly xenophobic and prejudiced questions aimed only at Muslim applicants taking the recent German citizenship test provide justified outrage, but can one honestly blame them for asking potential Muslim citizens (The following are actual questions):

“Your daughter or sister comes homes and says she has been sexually molested. What do you do as father/mother/brother/sister?”

“What do you think if a man in Germany is married to two women at the same time?”

It must be comforting for test takers to note that providing the wrong or false answer to these questions can result in a “loss of (German) nationality, even after years, and even if this means that I (the test taker) will become stateless. “

Should the “good Muslim” get Cliff’s notes before the test and make sure to give the correct answer word for word to pass?

Even “hall of fame” liberals, such as Gloria Steinem, a near prophet for some feminists, jumps on the prejudiced bandwagon, recently quoted lambasting Mr. “Playboy” himself Hugh Hefner: “Now’s he’s going around with four young women in their 20s instead of just one. It’s sort of Moslem, actually.” Considering less than 5% of Muslims engage in polygamy, it soothes the stereotypical soul to know a so-called vanguard for civil rights and defender of minority struggles such as Ms. Steinem can use the religious identity of 1.2 billion as a slanderous description of a noted womanizer and lothario. Can anyone imagine the reaction if Steinem had said “It’s sort of Jew, actually”? Hopefully, some sane reporter would kindly suggest a retraction, apology, or at least a clarification. To counter these ignorant, wholesale assumptions with proper Islamic legal foundations and cultural context in an intelligent, rational manner would be revolutionary, especially for a Muslim, who would immediately be deemed “an apologist,” “stealth Islamist” (aka undercover jihadi), or worse, “uppity.”

Instead, the “good Muslim” sits back, mindlessly nods, applauds, and allows the progressive ideologue, whose enmity for Islam is outmatched only by the neo-conservatives, to rail on “Islam” and “Islamists” and “Moslems” backwards mentality and barbaric actions, with evidence amply provided by the Muslims themselves. For true progress, Americans and Muslims should highlight the rampant, yet hidden, abuse of women in their respective countries instead of demonizing one another in an effort for moral high ground and cultural superiority. Nearly one-third of American women (31 percent) report being physically or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives, according to a 1998 Commonwealth Fund survey. Next time Steinem hears a domestic abuse case, maybe she should say: “It’s sort of Muslim… actually, well, it’s sort of American, also.”

So, what should the “good Muslim” do? In “Sleeper Cell,” the good Muslim Darwyn infiltrates the cell, tips off the FBI at the last second, and subverts a major national catastrophe. His reward? A beautiful white woman who happens to be a single mother to the most adorable kid in the reality of make believe TV. The show ends with Darwyn praying (incorrectly, I might add – Muslim advisors, where were you?), and peacefully smiling upon his completion. The show recommends, “Know your enemy.” If indeed this is the ideological battlefield for the 21st century, a simplistic “Clash of Civilizations” as heralded by Samuel Huntington, an “us” vs. “them” fight on domestic levels (liberal vs. conservative), and the war field (Coalition of the Willing vs. Axis of Evil), a “good Muslim” vs. the “bad Muslim,” then we must follow the sagely advice of Lao-Tse who wrote the classic “The Art of War.” The most skillful warrior in battle is not only one who knows his enemy, but one who knows himself.

In an era of media manipulation, political scandal, ideological punditry, cultural cinema stereotyping, and a festering environment of distrust and paranoia, who are we, as Americans, in this war on terror? For the Muslims, both American and abroad, if the true meaning of jihad is “struggling against the self-commanding nafs (the id, selfish vain desires) and the true meaning of Islam is “peace” and “submission to God’s will” then why do our hypocritical actions and rhetoric belie the tolerant, multicultural aspects of our religion we supposedly hold dear?

Perhaps if we know our enemy, we will know ourselves and become the “good Muslim” and the “good American.”

Too bad most of us are sleeping.

Wajahat Ali is a playwright based in Northern California. His most recent production, ”The Domestic Crusaders”, was featured on altmuslim.com in July 2005. This article was originally published in KONCH Magazine.

With a sigh of resignation, a fist pumped in rage, and both hands brought together in hopeful supplication, I humbly ask, “Will the Real Muhammad please stand up?”

By Wajahat Ali, June 22, 2005

	Scared to their seats

“Who here is petrified of Muslims,” a Pakistani American Muslim man calmly asked the 90 or so assembled law students of UC Davis King Hall Law School for a special lunch time meeting entitled: “Minority Reports: Representing the Un-represented.” (For lovers of irony: King Hall, named after revered civil rights leader Martin Luther King, counts 1% of all its 2004 incoming student body as African Americans). Given the stifling restraints of self-imposed politically correct nooses people choose to wear, I was not surprised when none of the enlightened raised their hands in response to my question.

“You all are excellent liars. You will make excellent lawyers,” I replied.

“If I wasn’t a Muslim American, and I was your Average Joe America, I would be terrified, petrified, freaked out of my mind about these fun-do-mentalist, terror-rist, extreme-ist, anti-Semitic, Women-hating, tali-boning, bearded, hairy, smelly, leering, oil guzzling, turban wearing, magic carpet flying, Sand niggers.”

And those words, spoken swiftly, coolly, and calmly, connected like a brutal uppercut smashing (or at least partially revealing) their carefully constructed masks of racial “enlightenment.”

These words did not sprout forth from the rage filled, Bile spewing gut of a knee jerking, reactionary loon – a standard description routinely used by “media experts” to publicly pillory any person guilty of “exporting” an unpopular sentiment. Rather, the rhetoric accurately portrayed the image I, as an American, would sincerely hold of 1.2 billion members of the human race in the year 2005 if television media, academic history books, Hollywood movies, and governmental rhetoric were my crash course tutorials on all things “Moslem” and “A-rab.”

Let’s do a summary, shall we? According to the FBI, CIA, and the 9-11 Commission report, 19 hijackers happened to have Middle Eastern backgrounds, 15 of them hailing from our oil-in-ally Saudi Arabia. In retaliation, we have liberated Afghanistan and Iraq, two “Moslim” countries, from evildoers, with Iran, Syria, and an assortment of other hostile, Muslim neighbors on the way. However, our commitment to the Wahabbi-based Saudi regime, mostly responsible for the dissemination of Muhammad Ibn al Wahhab’s puritanical and re-visionary interpretation of Islam, remains firm and intact. Even though the administration eventually conceded Iraq had no tangible connection to the Twin Tower attacks, USA Today reported nearly 70% of Americans believed otherwise. I guess a Saudi is an Iraqi is an Arab is a Muslim… is a terrorist. Oh well, sucks for me – and 1.2 billion other people.

Furthermore, to bolster not only national security but also foreign relations with our Middle Eastern “neighbor”, we hold detainees as “unlawful combatants” to bypass international laws and customs in Guantanamo Bay, which has been called the “Gulag of our times… in violation of international laws,” according to Amnesty International. The administration and its henchmen scoff. The “liberal” media, including Newsweek, is so liberal that it prematurely and embarrassingly retracts its May 9th story at the commands of its superiors, in which it described the desecration of the Quran by interrogators who wanted to rattle detainees by placing the Holy Book in the toilet. (The Administration later conceded there were several valid reports of Quran desecration.) This was another “Spring time” musical for the haters. “Protests in the Islamic world,” exclaimed the headlines! “Look at those barbarians: so violent, so angry!” complained the pundits. “Why do they react so violently? It’s just a book! Jeez, do they take it that seriously?” asked the genuinely baffled reporters. A simple dialogue with any practicing Muslim with even the most elementary rhetorical skills would have revealed, that yes, Muslims do take desecration of their Holy Book seriously. However, I guess allowing an intelligent Muslim voice to emerge amongst the high-pitched, paranoid shrills and shriekings of non-Muslim “experts” would have been truly radical and “undemocratic.”

And will the Real Muhammad please stand up?

But who needs Muslim voices when you have liberal and conservative pundits. Erudite and compassionate visionaries, such as Ann “We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity” Coulter, or academic Bill “I wouldn’t read the book (the Qur’an). And I’ll tell you why I wouldn’t have read “Mein Kampf” either,” O’Reilly, who subtly equate the religious text of 1.2 billion people with the racist, supremacist ideology of one Adolf Hitler. In the lucrative world of Islam-bashing, it’s comforting to know that even conservatives and liberals can set aside their differences to participate in this “Springtime for Haters” musical. For example, “pay for play part time liberals”, such as Christopher Hitchens and Alan Dershowitz are heavily involved in this gig. Dershowitz, promoted as a renowned legal scholar and civil libertarian, wrote the pro “non lethal torture” book “Why Terrorism Works: Understanding the Threat, Responding to the Challenge.” Specifically, in a 2003 CNN interview with Wolf Blitzer, Mr. Dershowitz describes a civilized method of non-lethal torture, such as placing a “sterilized needle underneath the nail,” which he concedes would “violate the Geneva Accords, but you know, countries all over the world violate the Geneva Accords. They do it secretly and hypothetically, the way the French did it in Algeria… I think we would want to do it with accountability and openly and not adopt the way of the hypocrite.” At least we’re openly torturing people now, instead of burying the reports behind the walls of Abu Ghraib; surely, this is a sign of progress. Furthermore, in his essay, “The Rules of War Enable Terror,” Mr. Dershowitz declares “Democracies must be legally empowered to attack terrorists who hide among civilians.” Does this include people of white skin color, such as Timothy McVeigh and members of the Militant Militia? Would Mr. Dershowitz allow this method on, say, Israelis caught spying on the US? Or is this special VIP treatment reserved solely for Muslim and “brown skinned” Americans suspected as terrorists? Even though I’m honored by the lavish attention, I’ll respectfully decline this humble offer.

And will the Real Muhammad please stand up?

Perhaps we must seek the wisdom of Christopher Hitchens, who vociferously supports Bush’s “War on Terror” thereby significantly ensuring a steady stream of Dead Presidents in his bank account and increased exposure and public visibility on television news programs. He laments the use of the word, “Islamaphobia,” which I’m assuming refers to the irrational fear, ignorance and hatred of Islam and Muslims, which he argues is a “cheap propaganda tool” used by “soft defenders of Islam.” Shhh, let’s not tell Mr. Hitchens that last year marked the highest number of harassment, violence, and discriminatory acts against American Muslims ever recorded by Council on American Islamic Relations, with a near 70% increase in hate crimes over 2002, representing a three fold increase since 2000. Or, how about the story of Mr. Gagandeep Bindra, an Indian Sikh, who was called “Osama” and seriously injured by three teenagers found guilty of ethnic intimidation in 2004? And what do we say to an honorary Sikh priest, Rajinder Singh, who was attacked for wearing a turban in New York? I guess you don’t even have to be a Muslim to get beat down like Muslim nowadays. I wonder what Mr. Bindra and Mr. Singh would say to the Hitchens of the world regarding the “cheap propaganda tool” of “Islamaphobia” which lead to their assault? I guess we’ll never know because those voices are never heard.

And will the Real Muhammad please stand up?

The detractors will now predictably chime, “but look, we do allow Muslims to speak. We love Irshad Manji, see? Ha! Fie on you, you cantankerous rabble rouser!” Irshad Manji, like most info-tainment prostitutes, turns her tricks by playing the “pathology” game: where the token minority, aka “the good minority,” is hired to absolve certain individuals, institutions, and accepted norms, which directly contribute to discriminatory practices and racism, by blaming the collective minority as responsible for its own inferiority. Irshad Manji, a self proclaimed lesbian feminist South Asian Muslim refusenik, (if you can say that 5 times in a row you get a cookie and a national book tour), wrote the scholastically inept, “The Trouble with Islam,” offering her unsought wisdom on how to “reform” Islam. Considering she lacks even the most remedial credentials to be certified an “Islamic scholar,” and that her book and politics have been shunned by the vast majority of the Muslim ummah (community), it is utterly not surprising that she, nonetheless, received the “Valor” award from the Simon Weisenthal Center, the “chutzpah” award from Oprah Winfrey, and feminist of the “21st century” award from “Ms. Magazine,” for her brave, enlightened, and “liberal” approach to Islam. Her major reform, you ask? “The major reform for which I am calling,” say Manji, is “all about questioning the divinity of the Koran. This is still the great unspoken taboo within Islam.” This is perhaps a “taboo” because all Muslim scholars, both Sunni and Shiite, hold that believing the Quran as the uncreated word of Allah as revealed unto Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) is a crucial aspect of one’s iman (Faith and beliefs). With paid henchmen such as Manji, the real Islam-haters simply sit back, light a cigar, and relax their feet as their Siphai army wages their “crusade” for them. Or, they can always rely on an “expert” on Islam, such as Pat Robertson of the 700 club, who says, with a straight face no less, that Muslims worship “a moon god.” If Muslims are truly the “Phantom Menace” then all these characters must surely represent the “Attack of the Clones.”

And will the Real Muhammad please stand up?

And so we roll on. With nearly 5-8 million Muslim Americans, you would think surely one reasonable voice, representative of at least most Moderate Muslims, would emerge? You would think… incorrectly. So what if Islam is the fastest growing religion in America, with the most rapid converts being African Americans and women? So what if over 75% of the Muslim community is not Arab, with the most populated Muslim country being Indonesia (note: not Arab), followed by Pakistan (note: not Arab)? Who needs their academic scholars, historians, or religious scholars when we have Bernard Lewis, the de facto “scholar” on all things Islam, Arab, and Middle East, who happens to be a white, Jewish European born in London and preserved by Princeton? Then, there’s the The Arab Mind, the bible for the neocons on Arabic/Islamic behavior, written by Raphael Patai, another non-Muslim, European scholar who stereotypically generalizes that Arabs value “honor” above all things, and specifically feel “shame” through sexual humiliation. “At the institution where I teach military officers,” retired U.S. Army Col. Norvell De Atkine writes in the book’s foreword, “The Arab Mind forms the basis of my cultural instruction.” With cultural instructions such as these, the successful interrogatory humiliation of prisoners at Abu Ghraib should come as no surprise.

And will the Real Muhammad please stand up?

So, we return to our modest meeting at UC Davis, where I rattled off some of these references and data to an audience that incredulously looked at me with skepticism for daring to mock their “understanding” of Muslims in America. However, the light bulbs began to click and the untrusting glances turned to nodding agreement when I brought it full circle in light of American history. In America, Muslims haven’t always been the only “outsiders,” the only obscurant anomalies magically appearing amongst the civilized masses, or the only fossil relics of a primitive backwards-Neanderthal mentality. I remind them of the 110,000 Japanese immigrants and Japanese-Americans rounded up, profiled, and interned during WWII. I remind them of a time when racial tensions resulting in Congress passing the Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882, barring Chinese immigration for 10 years; then extended by the Geary Act for another ten years in 1892, and by the Extension Act of 1904. If I could revisit this speech, I’d tell the Asian American audience members to be careful and vigilante, because they’re next. Check out the cover of the July Atlantic Monthly featuring a stern, black and white photo of a militant Chinese solider with the heading, “How we would fight China” by Robert D. Kaplan. The great challenge of the twenty-first century, according to Kaplan, will be figuring how to shape – rather than fall prey to – “China’s inevitable economic and military rise.” But never fear, or rather keep fearing, because it’s not just those wily Asians or those oil guzzling turban heads or those crack addled black folk – there’s more! Let’s not forget 1798, where the Federalist dominated Congress passed The Naturalization Act, a law aimed at curtailing the citizenship and immigration of the Irish and French who were sympathetic to Republican politics. Last I checked, people of Irish descent are now considered “white,” so the darkies weren’t the only ones who suffered discrimination. I guess the history of racism in America is truly multicultural.

Unlike some of these groups, the Muslims, the Morlocks de jour, have yet to find a powerful voice to help educate the American public as to the realities of the Muslim American existence. Currently, I liken our condition to a puppet head placed on a media screen whose tongue is ripped out and whose strings are pulled by a sadistic puppet master joyfully assailing us left and right by both the “left” and “the right.” The hard “Right” hates the Muslim because you aren’t white or Judeo-Christian and you, representative of the 19 Middle Eastern hijackers, attacked America. The hard “left” hates you because you are part of an organized religion, have certain beliefs contradictory to radical feminist and gay ideologies, and are representative of the 19 Middle Eastern hijackers who attacked America. And you, the Muslim, the terrorist, the extremist, who was once the “Jap,” and also “The Kike,” and also a “Chink,” and even a “Sand Nigger,” can never win because you always have to prove your loyalty. Defend the validity of your faith! Defend the validity of your text! Defend the validity of the entire 1400 year history and actions of a brilliant Islamic civilization which gave us the creation of Algebra, the poetry of Hadrat Jalaluddin Rumi, the best selling poet in America, the Canon of Medicine by Avicenna used by Europeans for centuries, the mind of Ibn Khaldun, the founder of the philosophy of history and sociology, and most importantly the legacy of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), whose name in Arabic means “the most praised,” and is shared by more people than any other name in the world today.

But in this game of modern day dodge ball, everyone looks for an easy scapegoat to hit and assail. The contributions of Muslims to the human race are rarely if ever mentioned. Instead, we get daily reports and images of an enraged mass of people, like the Orcs from “The Lord of the Rings,” frothing at the mouth, inexplicably yearning to destroy America for no other reason save their hatred for all things “democratic” and “western” as outlined by their savage, backwards “customs” and “beliefs.” Is it really surprising then to read the results of the Cornell Report, which revealed that 42 percent of “highly religious respondents [and 27 percent of all respondents] believe that Muslim Americans should register their whereabouts with the government at all times? Not surprisingly, 26 percent of these respondents were unfamiliar with the terms Allah and the Koran.

And so I awaken each day to find the Muhammad’s gradually erased by the “Mo’s,” the Nasir’s slowly replaced by the “Nas’s,” the Salims eradicated by the “Sal’s,” the Murads hiding behind the “Michael’s.” As I encounter the variety of “closeted DL” Muslims at the shopping malls, department stores, grocery shops, and other arenas of daily life, I am reminded of the Korean American “Tammy’s” hiding behind her newly reconstructed eye lids, the African American “Tim’s” masquerading under a surgically trimmed nose, the Iranian American “Ayeesha’s” hoping to assimilate brilliantly with her fake blue contact lenses. And with a sigh of resignation, with a fist pumped in rage, and both hands brought together in hopeful supplication, I humbly ask:

“And will the Real Muhammad please stand up?”

Wajahat Ali, a recent graduate of UC Berkeley, is the writer of ”The Domestic Crusaders”, a two-act play about Muslim Americans with its showcase premiere at the Berkeley Repertory Theatre this July 15th. This article was originally published in Konch Magazine.

“We’re trying to bring an expression about us, to us, from us”

The successful “Allah Made Me Funny” comedy tour has made people see the world a little differently (after fits of laughter). Founders Preacher Moss and Azhar Usman sit with Wajahat Ali to help explain the punch lines.

By Wajahat Ali, October 25, 2007

	Bringing down the house (in a good way)

After 9/11, the thought of setting up a Muslim comedy tour might have seemed as improbable as, well, attacking a country that had nothing to do with it. But two Muslim American comedians, Preacher Moss and Azhar Usman, decided to use their long practiced talents to engage the notions of what it is to be Muslim to audiences on both sides of the religious and ethnic divide. It was a difficult challenge, considering that Muslims aren’t known these days for artistic expression and creative freedom. The protests and violence stemming from the Danish cartoon controversy, the murder of Dutch filmmaker Theo van Gogh, and the Taliban’s shameful eradication of the Bamyan Buddhist statues all have underscored this unfortunate assumption.

However, the “Allah Made Me Funny” comedy tour that Moss and Usman set up has since travelled the world to rave reviews, culminating in the making of a documentary film produced by fellow comedian (and Muslim) Dave Chapelle. In a world where sickness abounds in Muslims and non-Muslims alike, Moss and Usman are determined to prove that laughter may indeed be the best medicine. Playwright and altmuslim correspondent Wajahat Ali recently sat down with the jet-lagged comedians to find out what’s so funny about being Muslim..

What was the inspiration for the “Allah Made Me Funny (AMMF) Comedy Tour”?

MOSS: A lot of people think that AMMF was an outgrowth after 9-11, it really wasn’t, man. Lot of people think it was a Muslim phenomenon, Muslim comedian phenomenon, or post 9-11 phenomenon – I mean that’s crazy, it didn’t come through that. I mean I was doing comedy back in ’92 with my kufi [traditional Islamic cap] on in the clubs. It came through the fact there was lack of dialogue missing within the Muslim community that we wanted to tackle and address, and of course later on there was an outgrowth that was brought on by 9-11. The issue was, “What was going to be the goals or understanding of having realistic Muslim expression here in the United States?” Myself being a comedian, talking about racism and attacking social causes, I thought humor would be the best way to put it together. In 2003, I started “Allah Made Me Funny” by myself, and in 2004 I brought in Azhar, and it became the brainchild of AMMF.

AZHAR: [Preacher] and I independently had very similar ideas. He had an idea to showcase the best Muslim comedians in the country, and he had the “Allah Made Me Funny” idea, he trademarked it and tried to make it happen. I had an idea, “Wouldn’t it be great if there was a Muslim version of ‘Kings of Comedy?’” But I hadn’t gotten any further than that, but I kept my ears and eyes open for possible partners to do it with. So, he called me out of the blue and asked me to join, but the idea was one that I had already warmed up to. He and I hit it off since our first phone conversation, and it was very much as if I knew this guy my whole life. He’s about 10 years older than me, and he is extremely experienced in the art of standup and in the Hollywood business. Immediately, he assumed his role as a mentor, and I was happy to fall in my role as a mentee. It was only 3 and a half years ago, but it feels like a lifetime. More often than not we talk almost every day, and I don’t think there has been 72 hours that have ever gone by without us talking. He’s like my big brother – a big brother I never had.

Last time we talked, [Preacher], you told me you have people coming up to you saying Azhar invited you to do this, assuming that you had no part in starting it

MOSS: You have those blinders on. You talk about being profiled and stereotyped, and it happens in your own religion!

It’s reminiscent of a speech I heard by Dr. Jeffrey Lang, a White convert to Islam, who discussed the racism in the Muslim community by relating an experience at a fundraiser. He said the speaker before him was an African American convert to Islam who gave an eloquent and beautiful speech, and afterwards he was greeted only by a handful of immigrant Muslim audience members. After [Dr. Lang’s] speech, which he said was mediocre in comparison, the entire audience came up to him and adulated him. He said it was completely race based. What are your experiences with this?

AZHAR: Clearly, there is a problem, a major and deep rooted, deep seated problem of racism within the American Muslim community. I think we should stop pretending it’s not there, and stop using disempowering rhetoric about [speaking in a thick immigrant, South Asian accent] “Islam is the solution to all racism!” It’s just talk, and talk is cheap. The fact of the matter is that in any given city the division between the African American mosques, the Arabs, the South Asian communities – they are very palpable, very pronounced, and often times on economic lines. The way we deal with it is not by being overtly political or provocative, but by virtue of doing what we do. You know, like Preacher and I, and now adding Mohammed Amer a Palestinian American comic from the Arab American community, we all being as close as we are and working together well and effectively like we do is the most powerful and most positive contribution we can make to addressing that problem.

We have seen with our own eyes in certain cities where we try to deliberately reach out to those segments in those communities. The turnout we get at our shows is reflective of the diversity of the Muslim community. You also find out people in that room may have been living in that city for years, but they have never been in the same room together. So, bringing together the fragments of the Muslim community, it’s something we are very deliberate about, something we are very conscientious about, and a small part of our contribution to overall Muslim American community.

MOSS: Azhar is a beautiful brother, man. But others aren’t like him unfortunately. I remember, like, one time ISNA invited me to do a benefit, then they dis-invited me. They said, “People think you’re a racist.” I was talking about things that were real, and they thought I was racist. You can’t be racist if you’re talking about things that are racist. Part of my family is now South Asian, my wife is Indian, so I went through the racism in that scenario. I wasn’t surprised, but it still didn’t make it easier. I mean there is a rift between the African American and South Asian community anyway. It’s the whole idea of the immigrant community coming here filling up the vacuum of moral authority, and basically telling African Americans, “You’re experience is not valid, neither is your religion.”

Even though it’s the same religion?

MOSS: Yeah, they don’t realize your expression to Allah is valid. How and why would you do that? It led to so many problems, especially in the African American community. You know, the rise of the Salafi movement, the almost Black Wahhabism. I mean, it’s destroying families. You go to Philly, you got kids and parents that don’t talk to one another. It’s a big double standard. The phenomenon of the [immigrant] uncle that lectures you about the African Americans that are “doing this and that.” It’s interesting that you have people coming from Pakistan, India, you know coming from a project-caste system and coming here and recreating it here. It speaks a lot to the history of racial inequality here in the United States. People think as long as I’m not [black], I can do this. In 1995, you had major issues between the Arab and African American communities. No one wanted to talk about, no one wanted to address it. I mean I was the guy back in the day, a comedian, you know, in Milwaukee; I was going to all these different masjids [mosques] as a comedian talking about this. It points to a phenomenon where, you know, we can’t say, “[Muslims] are not as good as we’ve been telling everybody.” We go and poo poo on everyone else, but you know honestly, we are not that good yet. I mean we talk about “Muslim Unity,” and I’m not saying we won’t get there, inshallah we will. But we can’t talk with blinders on saying “We all get along,” when truth is we all don’t get along.

How has this “airing dirty laundry” through artistic expression, through comedy, affected not only you and Azhar, but also the AMMF tour?

MOSS: I don’t even think it’s airing dirty laundry, it’s there already. I don’t believe it’s airing laundry. I believe it’s been stinking, it’s been dirty, it’s been smudged for years, so it’s not even dirty laundry…it’s disgusting laundry. It’s filthy and it needs to be cleaned. People say, you know, “Why do they call us terrorists?” Well because some of us are! Some of us are terrorists –that is a fact. It’s like a black person saying, “Why do some people call us criminals?” – because a criminal is a criminal. You did 25 to life. You’re a criminal. You fit the profile. It’s the sad truth. There are too many people, in the context of Muslims, who want to be an authority. That is our biggest problem. They are too many people not practicing the deen [religion] for the good of themselves, their family, but they’re practicing because they say, “I want to be an authority. I want to be seen and admired this way. I want to be respected this way. I want it now.” How do you expect these people [Americans] to see you? I mean people say, “You guys [Muslims] are nuts!”

I always tell people that if I wasn’t Muslim, hadn’t studied it, didn’t know anything about it, in the year 2007 I would think Muslim are a bunch of crazy, insane, Tali-boning, fundamentalist, extremist types obsessed with violence and covering up their women

MOSS: (Chuckles.) One time in South Africa, a guy said, “Allah Made Me Funny” is making fun of Islam, and it’s haram [forbidden.] He sent out emails and boycott messages to lists. This is interesting, because this cat never met us, never called us, but in his manifesto he said our “morals were below those of monkeys and pigs.” Without knowing us, our morals were below those of monkeys and pigs… “putting on a shaitan-istic [devilish] play.” Now, when you say things like that, I’m not coming to discuss anything, I’m coming to whoop your tail. You’re gonna’ catch one. I’m gonna’ be the Negro you worried about from BET (Black Entertainment Television). I feel like you are putting me in harm’s way. You are saying things in a closed vacuum knowing the audience you are catering to is probably nuts too. You are trying to set their environment, and you’re not willing or accountable to what might happen because of that.

Like the Danish cartoon controversy in Amsterdam. I mean the whole issue with that was a frenzy, so people were so emotional, they felt we can defile the natural laws and order of life that Allah has blessed us with, and someone can go kill this guy [Theo Van Gogh, the Dutch filmmaker murdered by a Moroccan Muslim extremist.] Like this cartoon recently where someone drew the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), I heard some Muslim guy saying, “I will kill him! I will kill him for drawing this. I will defend the Prophet!” and I’m like “Your behavior is disrespecting the Prophet.” I mean, this is an example of people playing to that fever pitch. That’s how Malcolm X got killed. Farrakhan didn’t pull the trigger, but even he has to admit he contributed heavily to an environment that wasn’t healthy. You want to ask people, “What kind of Islam are you practicing?” We’ve become a parody of ourselves. You can’t have a Muslim movie without an explosive or a clock, you gotta’ have explosives and some kidnapping. On the flip side, we’re a parody. I mean I joke I’m going to wake up some day and see some effeminate guy doing show-tunes in a Broadway musical about Islam. Some gay, non-Muslim guy will win the Tony on Broadway for the musical called “Muslim.”

Azhar, some people can pass off as an Al-Qaeda recruit, but if no one knew you, you could pass off as an Al-Qaeda trainer

AZHAR: Awww, yeah! (Laughs.)

How does that play out not only in your comedy but also in your life as a South Asian Muslim post 9-11, specifically regarding the way you look physically?

AZHAR: Well, this is a very layered question, and you know the forums for this piece are probably the right place to discuss this. Most media that we do, they are not willing to get beyond the obvious, but I would suggest this is a great venue to discuss a deeper problem. In the mind of the average American, first of all, the category or label of a “Muslim” has become an undefined, undifferentiated category. What I mean is they are not really concerned with people who are Muslim, but rather they are concerned with people who fit that stereotypical image in their mind that they believe is Muslim. The problem with that is the term “Muslim” in the public discourse has become both under- inclusive and ironically over-inclusive.

As far as under-inclusive, for example, Average Americans when they hear about Muslims, they never conceive a guy like Preacher Moss, you know, a black guy doesn’t even approach the conception they have of a Muslim. Just from a statistical perspective, 33% of Muslims in America are African American. But, also, it has become over-inclusive. Because a guy like Axis of Evil comedian Dean Obeidallah, they think he’s Muslim because of his name. Or, they think of Sikhs, because they wear turbans and have beards, they suddenly think they are Muslims. They see me and I fit much more of an exaggerated stereotyped image in people’s minds. Ironically, whether or not more people are conscious or not, I mean, I joke about it – if I was really a fundamentalist, Muslim extremist, this is not the disguise I would go with. The people are scared of the clean shaven ones [Muslims], the ones who are trying to fit in, you know not in a pejorative way, but the ones not looking too different from anyone else, they are the ones that people are scared of. Gee, they think, I mean if anyone is going to do anything it’s probably going to be someone like that. I’m more interested in this idea of first, “How real is the fear in the minds of people in America?” Secondly, I really want to explore these “Categories.” I mean racism in American has a long history.

The term “Muslim” in the minds of Americans has become a racial category, and it’s not a race, it’s a religion. It’s a faith. But on the ground, there has been the reality that a “Muslim” racism has emerged. We have to get our minds around it, and I don’t think anyone in the media has done that yet. People have not really figured out or ferreted it out. Why are Arabs in American being conflated into the same category as Muslims, even though the majority of the Arabs in America are not Muslims but are Christians?

What has been the fiercest criticism, who are the fiercest critics, and how have you dealt with them?

MOSS: Muslims. Yeah, the fiercest critics of our product have been Muslims. They came at us through the safest ways, you know, email, blogs, mailing lists. I guess that a pre-requisite of being a critic of “AMMF” is that you cannot absolutely talk to anybody in the tour or see the show. That’s the only way it’ll work, you cannot see the show. You cannot have any information about the subject matter – that’s what makes you an authentic critic. We don’t respond anymore, it’s like water rolling off your backs. Lot of people don’t like us, because they didn’t do this first. A lot of people can’t handle that me and Azhar get along, we take care of each other. He calls me big brother and I call him little brother. We’re a family. We took hits trying to put up a project that we thought a) would bring back the beauty to Allah’s name using creativity and humor, and b) something that would rise up and lift up the spirits of Muslims and get them into a space of dialogue.

You have some communities in these cities where they don’t talk to one another. It’s like gangs. It’s like spiritual gangs. “I follow so- so,” well, “I follow so and so,” and I’m like “I follow Allah.” I’m not here to hear you politicking or cry the blues, but I’m trying to get from point A to point B. Azhar and I have to be the brothers no one expects us to be. We don’t argue or bicker or talk about which one is better. I’ve seen brothers come up and try to pit us against each other, you know, tell me the order of the show, “We really like it if Azhar closed the show,” and I’m like, “Are you part of the tour? Did you help put this together? Are you telling me how to run my business?” You know, I’m the oldest guy here, I have the most experience. I don’t have a problem with letting other guys close, but that’s the way it is – especially when we went overseas. The audience was predominantly Desi, Asian, or whatever. They gave me heat not because I wasn’t funny. Lot of people said, “You shouldn’t be in the spot.” I mean I worked the hardest and the longest. I walked away from Hollywood to do “AMMF.”

AZHAR: Muslims, of course, no doubt, are our biggest critics. The biggest problem is the nature of our community, we are not able to get ahead, because we are our own worst enemy. But, you know, you don’t dance with it. We let our work speak for ourselves. We let the response of people who matter, people like the fans, Muslim leaders, Muslim scholars even, we let their support of our work speak for the work itself. As a result, those who raise objections or doubts or critiques, often we find at the end they are standing alone. They miss the point of what we’re all about. Most often, those critiques have been borne out of ignorance – either ignorance of the show, not knowing anything of our show, just making assumptions. Or, ignorance about what the religion is really about. When people speak on the religion but through ignorance and not knowledge, then it’s not our obligation to take these people seriously or respond to them. We are not accountable to haters, we are accountable before God.

Some people can counter and say that your content and the fact you walk hand in hand with religion is explosive, irregardless of the intention. So, how do you walk that fine line and still be a proactive, educational, family show?

AZHAR: Well, some of those assumptions that a political show has to be “explosive”, or just because we are involved in a Muslim community and being proactively involved with that makes it all the more edgy – I question these assumptions, and I don’t think they are necessarily true. I think good comedy in the history of standup in this country, by in large, has always been related to politics. It’s commenting on the political or social realities that underpin American society. That’s what good comedy does or always has done. Our show is all about 3 guys getting on stage, talking in a real, honest, authentic and very sincere way about issues that matter most to us. It just so happens that we share those concerns with a lot of other people, so people respond to us. In general, audiences respond to a comic and standup who is authentic and real.

Preacher, you have 20 years experience in this business. How does the industry crush or poison the spirit, the creative soul for not only Muslims but also people of color?

MOSS: The first thing Hollywood wants to know is how far they can push you without you breaking. What I’m saying is Hollywood is about everyone else’s interests. You see a guy up on stage doing jokes or whatever, there is an agent or manager getting paid. When you a movie or T.V. show – it’s the same thing. It’s a pimp or be pimped atmosphere. In that you throw in the fact that not everybody is that creative or talented. So, that puts even more emphasis on “how can I spin this situation, how can I leverage this to my advantage?” It’s not a team atmosphere. It becomes problematic early if you want to do the right thing, because no one wants to work with someone who just wants to do the right thing. You know, like work hard to get ahead. That’s stupid. (Laughs.) People say, “Why would I work so hard to be ethical?” – cats aren’t worried about being ethical. They want to get paid, they want immediate gratitude. That’s what the business is.

That’s why our project is so different. Our price is $20 – why? Because it’s a family show. It’s reflective of what our deen says, we want to be fair and ethical. We want to have a show where you can bring your wife, your kid, and you don’t have to be ashamed. So, people trust us. We built a project that builds a relationship with our audience. We’re not trying to hit it and quit it, and we’re not trying to pimp out folks, we’re not trying to do that. We want to help not just do entertainment. We did the Tsunami thing, we did an event, it cost us $12-15,000 of our money, we flew in and flew out. We organized the whole show. People said, “Why’d you do that?” Because that’s what we are supposed to do! It’s called being Muslims – that’s how we are. A lot of people can’t handle that.

You can’t be a man in this business. You can’t be your own man. The first thing you learn in Hollywood is how to compromise.

What’s the biggest compromise for a black man or a Muslim man in Hollywood?

MOSS: Hollywood says, “I want you to sell your soul. I want you to suspend all reality and reason and historical understanding of yourself. And, I’m going to give you a little bit of money to make it easier.” I mean Martin Lawrence – people said he went crazy. I say, “Do you know what the stress and the strain is here?” I mean that’s a strong brother, Martin Lawrence is a strong brother. He used to box. I know him from when I was 15. I used to play basketball against him. But, I mean he bounced back, but this thing – it’s a killer.

The issue with Dave Chappelle, they put his show out there, but they didn’t think much of it, and they didn’t put much money behind it. But, it caught on, a lot of people got it, they really enjoyed it. And the first thing that happened was the same people who had no faith in you, [the industry] said “A: We told you so. B: We are geniuses. C: We’re going to prove it.” I mean, how are you going to prove it? It’s no different from the people who say, “The problem with Islam is …” I mean there is no problem with Islam, it’s the people around it. The religion is perfect, but you get people in the mindset that say, “Hey, I can improve this thing” which is absolutely nuts. You never want to be in a conversation with someone that says this. People are jumping to be a moral authority and I want to talk to that person who told you that you can do this.

Azhar, let’s talk about your path. You graduated from law school, passed the Bar, and practiced law. You did all the right things according to the South Asian checklist. Why do you go mess it all up by becoming a comedian?

AZHAR: (Laughs.) I got a law degree, but I didn’t practice law after law school, I actually did a dot com start up. I turned down 6 figure salary offers to pay myself $35,000 working for my own dot com. So, I was already violating the Muslim, South Asian rules. So, becoming a comic was just a continuation of the “rebel without a cause” mentality. I never really planned to become a comedian. I folded the dot com business. I started practicing law briefly as a solo practitioner, and I did stand up for fun, as a hobby. Suddenly, my hobby began to take a life on its own, and as there was more demand, I was able to spend more time on it. The more I did it the more I fell in love with the art of stand up comedy. Once it got to a point where I knew I could make a living as a comedian, that was around the same time Preacher Moss reached out to me to start the AMMF tour. The timing couldn’t have been better, because I was already thinking about quitting my legal practice.

What’s up with all these lawyers quitting law to do comedy?

AZHAR: I know a couple of hundred lawyers, and of that entire group I only know a handful, maybe a dozen or so, that are actually happy practicing law. A vast majority are miserable, or they don’t practice law anymore, or they are actively looking for a way out. Most people end up in law school without an idea what they want to do with the rest of their lives. And they also end up in law school without an idea of what a lawyer actually does. When they figure it out, it’s too late, and they’re stuck. I wasn’t miserable, but the fact was that I wasn’t doing something I really loved. When I was building my business from scratch, I was being an innovative entrepreneur – I was thriving on that, I loved it. So, to go from that to something mundane and uninteresting like the practice of law was taking its toll on me. I knew I couldn’t do it forever, and I was just biding my time.

Now you go to moms and pops and say, “Guess what – surprise! I’m a comedian!” What was their response?

AZHAR: When I did all that, truthfully, I was already married with one kid and the second on the way. So, the biggest concern was what does my wife think about this? (Laughs.) My wife was cool with it, alhamdulilah [Praise be to God.] My parents were concerned about me just paying the bills and meeting my obligations. My dad is a big champion of being a self made man and following your dreams and passions, but to make sure you’re doing it in a way that is ethical and responsible. Their biggest concern wasn’t a loss of prestige, but their biggest concern was, “Are you out of your mind? How are you going to take care of your family?” My wife has been skeptical always that I would be happy as a lawyer. She is a lawyer, and like most lawyers, I married a lawyer. (Laughs). She was cut out to be lawyer, she has a much better pulse for it, but she knew my personality and always thought I’d be miserable at being a lawyer. She always encourages me to be a high school teacher, she said I’d make a great one. But, fact of the matter is she knew I was unhappy and fighting everyday to wake up and go to court. So the concern was never around the comedy, it was always about how to make this work financially.

Preacher, you have great joke in your act about your mom finding out you converted to Islam and remarking, “Oh, the boy is just gay is all.” Talk about your conversion and coming out as Preacher Moss “the Muslim” to your family and community.

MOSS: It wasn’t so much a surprise as much as it was poorly managed by myself. I didn’t tell anybody and thought they’d figure it our sooner or later. Like someone who goes blind, you think, ok, someone will figure it out. You know, you keep stumbling, and someone asks, “Hey, are you blind?” “Well, I thought you’d never ask, yes, yes I am.” It was hard on my mom because she didn’t know, and for her and the African American audience it’s totally a big deal.

Explain that for an audience who might not know.

MOSS: It’s the traditions, I mean we’ve been tied to the slave religion. I say Christianity for African Americans is a slave religion. This is on record, I mean if you look at the introduction of Christianity to an African American at the time of slavery, that’s not embracing a religion. You are forcing your thoughts on me, and you have the precedent of law and force to do it. How are you telling me this religion is pure like this? Even in the ‘50’s and ‘60’s, the KKK made you feel like you can’t be a regular Christian, you had to be a “Black” Christian. Even, you know, in the early days the Arabs took Africans as slaves following the faulty European model, but that doesn’t absolve them of anything. But the creed [Islam and Christianity] says no slavery.

How did you spiritually revolt against that?

MOSS: Information, man. Information. People want to tell you that, “Hey, those problems are in the past. You’re free now!” Dude, we are talking about less than 50 years. We can’t forget a whole lot of history so you can feel better about yourself. Comedy – comedy is that nerve. You get on stage and then everyone is gonna’ worry about what you say.

How has your outlook on life and on your comedy changed after your conversion and post 9-11?

MOSS: After my conversion, I thought my comedy should be more responsible. Post 9-11, I was putting my comedy in an atmosphere that wasn’t socially responsible. So, I just oriented myself to the fact I was going to take hits, some people won’t like what I say, because look at the diet, the atmosphere we are living in. Everyone was scared, everyone stopped questioning. We wanted to please people. We didn’t want to be respected, we wanted to be accepted. That was the case for a whole lot of Muslims out there. Now, accepted means there’s a condition with how “I’m going to accept you.” If you don’t have a faith and understanding in God that carries you through the height of calamities, then – I mean 9-11 wasn’t Biblical like “Job.” It was a wake up call, but it wasn’t like what happened to “Job.” Nobody asks the questions. So, when it comes to comedy, you have to bring this out for a whole lot of people. You have to bring the truth to light.

Preacher, being black, Muslim, and a comedian isn’t the biggest selling point post 9-11, right?

MOSS: Let me be honest, nobody wants to hear anything from a black man about 9-11. A man could cry about this group of people being killed in an absolute tragedy, but America cried to the point where it almost justified the millions of people they killed in the name of justice and democracy and equality. It’s like you’re trying to run a hustle on me, and that’s what people feel like, “Hey, you’re running a hustle on me.”

Azhar, you and Preacher are “practicing Muslims,” so how does Islam directly factor into your comedy, and has it helped you spiritually evolve?

AZHAR: I’ll say this on the record and as tactfully as I can. I think every religious person I’ve met in my life has some personal demons that are customized for that person. That is our experience with God and with the world. Like everyone else, I have my own hang-ups with organized religion, but I consider myself a believer. I really do believe in the value of religion, the core principles of Islam, so for me that means living my life in accordance with the theological, legal, ethical, spiritual principles of this religion, and that is a big part of my life – regardless, whether I’m a comedian, lawyer, or a bum on the street. If I had chosen to do anything in my life, my life would be impacted by that behavior, my actions would conform, as humanly possible, to the theological, legal, and ethical, spiritual aspects of this faith. Practically speaking as a comic this means how I carry s on stage and in life – I will not try to violate these principles. This will require knowledge, learning, reading, educating, asking questions, going to people who know, getting advice, and constantly refining and improving myself.

What inspired you to get on stage and do what you do, when you can do so many other things to make more money?

MOSS: Two people who come to mind who inspired me is Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, and Jesus. When we look back on “Allah Made Me Funny”, it’s going to be a project that was really ahead of its time. We dealt with a group of people who were not ready for what we were ready to bring. So, we have to leave it to faith that your performance and your intent to perform resonates with people where they can see and say, “You know, what? Those guys left a model.”

Jesus could feed the multitudes, and Prophet Muhammad suffered indignities just trying – trying to be a decent person. He was the guy before there was a form of Islam. Jesus was the guy before the form of Christianity. Prophet Muhammad was in the moment, every day. And we have to see ourselves like that – every day, just be in the moment. So, you can see every day as relevant, and see yourself as relevant. Because if you can see that, then you got up in the morning just to see and find your existence here on Earth with Allah. It takes on even more of a heightened level of awareness and accordance.

And for comedians, like Pyror, he was doing it, man. He was 20 years ahead of his time. Sometimes you can be too far ahead of your time and can be a maddening experience. You don’t have a set of peers, or anyone to base what you’re doing against. “Allah Made Me Funny” may have a set of peers, but again, so much of that has happened directly in the moment. So, we go back and look at the Prophet, so we can figure it out, you know, how he did it. We’re not looking for jokes, we’re looking for guidance. How did he keep himself sane? When it comes to Hollywood, lot of cats come out there without a plan. They come out with, “I’m funny, I’m good looking, I can act.” Hollywood works to take away your basic core values. And once those are gone, what do you have? So, for us, it’s always been that battle. We’ve turned down gigs, because we say spiritually it’s not good for us. We could’ve sold out 8-9 key times I can remember.

Give me an example of one time – a concrete example of how you could’ve sold out?

MOSS: We once had a DVD up and going, and we were trying to work the Improv, but I thought we had a bigger purpose. I mean others are just trying to get ahead, they are not concerned about the people. That’s the difference. I mean in the end I want it be something more.

Pretend you’re talking to a Muslim American kid right now. Suppose he has talent, creativity, or feels that he might have a passion for the arts, standup in particular, but he meets obstacles, rejection, and belittlement at ever corner. Now, as a mentor, what advice do you have for this kid?

MOSS: There’s a saying that goes, “Everyone has a talent, but it takes skill to get paid for that talent, and it takes discipline to maintain that skill.” That being said, you have to love it. You can’t just see you’re inherently good at it. If you aren’t Muslim, I’d say go for it, because there’s no rules, no provocations, I mean you can say whatever you want to. You can make money and be famous, you can hurt people’s feelings, it’s ok! Why? Because you’re trying to make money.

But, if you have a set of core values that are guiding and directing your life, and you have understanding that life isn’t about you, then you need to ask, “What is your purpose to be in front of these people [the audience]? If you can answer that, and if it is a positive answer, then by all means go out and do it. I mean I’m not trying to make it a high-end ethical thing, but believe me, as a Muslim, I’ve taken the lumps, and we’ve taken the lumps. And why? Because as artists, [we're] trying to bring an expression about us, to us, from us [Muslims.] You think it’d be easy, but it hasn’t been easy.

AZHAR: Like everything in life, you have to take your journey. I take a spiritual view of these things, you asked me before, and I didn’t answer it. The Quran tells me very clearly that there are many paths to God. The Quran says, “Those who strive to us, those who are trying to get to us, invariably, We will show them our paths.” It doesn’t say “path.” It says paths – plural. So, there are a lot of different ways to arrive at God. Certainly, I believe an artistic expression can be one way, but comedy in many, many ways, the tour that we put together, the show we put together for the people, it has had a powerful spiritual experience for me. It has led to amazing things happening to me and my life that would not happen had I not made this decision. I am very thankful for these opportunities. This brother has to take his journey. He can’t live that life for anybody else. He has to live that life for Allah, and when you do that, Allah helps and He makes things clear for you.

Preacher you had a very successful, “The End of Racism” tour where you gave speeches and presentations to youth and schools all across the country. Didn’t kids ever say, “Hey, Preacher, you’re here preaching tolerance, but Islam seems to be rather intolerant about those who have different ideologies? Islam, on T.V., talks about intolerance, violence, and separatism?” How did you reconcile this and address it?

MOSS: To be truthful, not much. If you present a brick of gold on a bunch of trash that is dirty, people will say the gold is dirty. But if you put the time into it, the passion, the work, then people will look at you differently. You have to learn to speak to people’s hearts. We like to speak to people – to actual folks, and we don’t want intellectual pandering. If you give people information, it is so much better than them having to go out and get it themselves. And then, when people do talk about Muslims, they’ll be the ones to defend you. They say, “You know what? I know a Muslim, he’s not like this. I spent time with a Muslim. You don’t know what you’re talking abut.” I’ve seen that happen before! One guy defended another brother, a Muslim, as a righteous brother. It has to be an action, it has to be tangible. It can’t be theoretical – not anymore. We don’t have that kind of time. Doing the AMMF tour, the best thing is that it is an acceptable tour. People can hang out with me, they can call me. It’s a connection. It’s real to people.

What’s a defining example of a person who came up to you after the show and said, “Because of you and your show, I have changed some of my thoughts and prejudices. I have gained some enlightenment.”

AZHAR: Two examples come to mind. I just recently did a show in Stillwater, Oklahoma. There was this young, White, non-Muslim kid who is enrolled with the Marines and getting ready to ship out to Iraq. Basically, a kid aspiring to be a military man, you know, a right wing, Republican, Fox News type of guy. He came up to me after the show and said, “You have completely challenged my idea on what is a Muslim. I didn’t know guys like you exist out there. You have completely shaken my beliefs about the Muslim people and the Muslim religion.” So, I said stay in touch and look me up on Facebook, and he did, and we exchanged emails. Now, here’s a guy who just came with an open mind and an open heart and ended up being really affected by the show. To me, it’s utterly amazing.

The second example is a Muslim guy who emailed me out of the blue, and said, “Listen, I’ve heard about your show for a number of years. I come from a very conservative, traditional, Muslim background, and I’m active in my community. I had begun to say very unkind things about you and your show, and I was basically back-biting you. And I finally got a chance to see your show, and I wanted to say 1) I wanted to apologize for all the years I was backbiting you, and 2) I want you to know I was completely wrong, and I think what you are doing is not only important, but it is completely necessary. I just wanted to let you know that you’ve completely converted me from somebody who was once opposed to your show and your work and now to a huge supporter.”

Now, this was really, really inspiring. I mean, I would’ve never known this man existed, but he decided to own up, and he apologized, and I said, “Listen, your email has inspired me to be a better Muslim. The past is past, and I appreciate you coming to our show with an open mind and heart.”

The Allah Made Me Funny tour continues throughout the UK and the Netherlands from November 8-22nd.

Wajahat Ali is a playwright, essayist, humorist, and J.D. whose work, “The Domestic Crusaders,” (http://www.domesticcrusaders.com) is the first major play about Muslim Americans living in a post 9-11 America. He can be reached at wajahatmali@gmail.com.

“I hope we inspire more Muslims to get involved in entertainment”

We explore the world of Muslim-inspired comedy further with an interview of the “Axis of Evil” comedy troupe, featuring Arab and Iranian-American comedians and all the stereotypes you can laugh at.

By Wajahat Ali, November 14, 2007

	They’re either with us or against us

Terrorism. Racial Profiling. Religious Intolerance. The War on Terror. Perfect material for a hilarious night at a comedy show, right? Absolutely, according to fans, international audiences, the internet blogs, and now the big shot Hollywood executives fawning over the “Axis of Evil” comedy tour. Unlike most authoritative works on Arabs and the Middle East, this ensemble actually features four authentic, home grown, real life Middle Eastern American comedians. They use their experiences and comedy to play on society’s misconceptions, paranoia, and fear to not only break stereotypes but also emerge as new voices representing a diverse and dynamic Arab/Iranian-American experience.

The “Axis of Evil” lineup includes Dean Obeidallah, a Palestinian-Italian American who left a career in law to pursue his passion; Ahmed Ahmed, a Muslim Egyptian American who couldn’t land “terrorist” roles because he spoke English too well. Aron Kader, a Palestinian-Mormon American actor (you read that right), and Maz Jobrani, an Iranian-American who dropped out of a PhD program to become an entertainer.

So how evil are they? Playwright and altmuslim correspondent Wajahat Ali recently sat down with these comedians to find out.

What was the catalyst that finally made the “The Axis of Evil” Comedy Tour happen, the straw that broke the camel’s back?

ARON KADER: Maz, Ahmed and I were basically the original 3 comedians, also including Sam Tripoli, who is half Armenian. I think we all thought in the back of our hearts and minds, “Oh it would be kinda’ cool if there were more Middle Eastern comics out there and we can do a show.” This was before 9-11, mind you. But it wasn’t something that could be a reality. If it were not for Mitzi Shore, owner of the Comedy Store, we probably wouldn’t be here. She saw us, recognized us, and Maz recommended me, so I came on.

She said let’s do a Middle Eastern show- this was before 9-11. So, we asked her, “Why do you want to do a Middle Eastern show?” And everyone thought she was crazy. And she says, “Because I think they will be the next voice in comedy. They are the one group that really needs a voice.” Through comedy and the arts, she’s seen you can get a lot done. We really owe a lot to her. She gave us stage time. And she called it “The Arabian Knights.”

MAZ JOBRANI: Mitzi Shore is Jewish and she saw a lot of news and there was the latest Intifada with the Palestinians. So, she felt there would be a need for a positive voice for Middle Easterners. In the past, she did Latino Night, so she wanted to do a Middle Eastern night. Basically, that meant anyone who was brown, but who wasn’t Mexican or Black. We had an Indian, an Armenian, some girls who were White but did impressions of Arabs – I don’t know… it was weird. And I kept saying, “You know, Iranians aren’t Arabs, so the name doesn’t really work.” But Mitzi owned the club, so we had to do what she told us.

First time we did an Arabian Knight show in LA, the club seated 300 people and none of us were known at the time. So, I put the word out to some Iranian organizations in LA and gave free comp ticket to like 120 people. It was in the early stages and we ended up getting 200 people. Tomorrow, we are going to do a show in LA after 7 years of doing this in a theatre with 1,900 people. But what’s funny is I still have to give 100 free complimentary tickets, because now it’s all the family and friends that want to come, and before it was just out of desperation.

AHMED AHMED: Mitzi Shore had an epiphany that there was going to be a war between the U.S. and the Middle East, and she wanted to be the first to put Arab comedians on the stage. She kept talking about how there might be a war, and we all didn’t know what she was talking about, so we just ignored her. A year later, 9-11 happened, and she was right. We changed the title to Axis of Evil, because right around that time Bush labeled these countries, and I thought it was hilarious. Being we are all from these countries, we decided let’s make light of what of our government is labeling us as and put comedy towards the end of it.

DEAN OBEIDALLAH: Before 9-11, I was doing comedy but I didn’t talk about being Arab. Being Arab was just a small part of my act here and there. We started doing the Arab American comedy festival in New York, and I found out that Aron and Ahmed are Arab, and they put me in touch with Maz. They came to New York, and we did more and more shows together. As we started doing shows like in DC with a 1,400-person audience, some people in the industry took note of us, and they came down to help produce the show. That’s how the Comedy Central special “Axis of Evil” was made last year. It wasn’t one dramatic moment, but it was just the post 9-11 climate. It just kept building and building. There were such few representations of us that were positive, I mean they weren’t even accurate, let alone positive – it was either inaccurate, negative, or just wrong.

Our comedy was a lot in response to people who just didn’t know what they were saying about us, or saying things maliciously with their own agenda. And we wanted to do what we could as comedians to right that. Now, we are in mainstream media so our messages gets out to more people, but we never thought we’d get a TV special. No one wanted to do Middle Eastern shows, no one was interested for years. As more and more media covered our shows, that made the industry say, “Hey, we think we can make money from this.” I mean that’s all the industry is about – it’s the entertainment industry. They aren’t altruistic or activists. All of us feel at some level we are activists as well as comedians. 9-11 was the moment that thrust us to talk more about it – our heritage and where we fit in America – and it just built from there.

You and other Arab American entertainers generally riff on being typecast as “Terrorist #3.” If you can, give us the insider tour from the auditions to the casting and the shooting. What do they expect of you, and how do they treat you on the set?

AHMED: First time I used to go these auditions, the casting director would ask me if I spoke English. It was that ignorant. I said, “Yup, I speak perfect English,” and they said, “Oh, you might be too American for the part then.” But, you don’t win either way, because they end up casting a Mexican guy. If you get cast, you show up on the set, and they have a certain way they write the character, and they want you to play it that way, and there is no room to find a voice for the character. There are limitations. That’s a reason why we went into standup comedy, because of those limitations. I actually quit acting for a year and a half, ran out of money, and went back to waiting tables. That’s where I realized the art of standup comedy, because funny is funny and it doesn’t matter who you are or where you’re from.

DEAN: Not me, I was always White-looking. I was on Jim Lehrer show, and they had a roundtable and they asked me, “Did you have problems?” I said “Look at me, I’m White! I don’t have those problems.” My last name gets attention. My name legally is Dean, however my dad wanted it to be Salahuddin. I mean my life would’ve been different if he had his way. At these auditions for, you know, Arab Cab Driver #2, clearly I didn’t belong, I mean I was the White guy, and everyone else [auditioning] was dark and brown. I hope that I don’t play [these roles], and I don’t think I can play them and do these shows. Here, I’m trying to clear our name. You can’t humanize Middle Easterners and play those terrorist roles.

ARON: Ahmed and Maz have a more ethnic Middle Eastern look. They get typecast as “bad guy terrorist roles” or “character actor comedic roles.” I end up getting labeled as the “Jewish Kid.” (Laughs.) They have no idea I’m an Arab. They don’t even think it. I mean my name Aron is Harun in Arabic. My grandfather’s name was Musa, which is Moses. There are not a lot of Arabs and Muslims named Aron, but there a lot of Arabs named Moses. But Aron and Moses were brothers, right? So I don’t know why Muslims can be named Moses, but they can’t be named Aron. They see “Musa” (Moses), they say, “Ok!” But then they see Aron and they say, “That’s a Jewish name!” I just let them assume I’m Jewish in the industry. If they ask me, I’m honest, and I tell ‘em I’m Arab, but you never know what they’re thinking.

MAZ: When you first start, you figure it out as you go. Early on, I went to couple of auditions for terrorist parts. I got a couple of the parts. When I did them I just felt bad, I mean I didn’t feel good. Dramatically speaking, they never have a fleshed out character, like “Syriana” was an example that did it well, but most the times it’s like the bad guy has a look in his eye and he says something stupid, [thick Arabic accent] “You will die in the name of Allah!” It’s just cheesy, it’s bad, and I played it in Chuck Norris movie and in “24.” So, I actually said, “No more, just no more.” But there are just a handful of Middle Eastern actors in the industry, so when you go to the auditions, it’s always the same people that you see there. It’s funny, you’re all sitting in the waiting room, “Hey, what’s up Mike? Hey, Jose, sup?” And then, each one of us when we go to the audition room they ask, “Are you ready to do this?” And we all of a sudden go [enraged terrorist-mode], “I will kill you! And you will die! Because I’m a bad guy!” Afterwards, you’re done, you go [amiable and relaxed demeanor] “Hey guys, let’s go get a Starbucks.” It’s very much like that.

All ethnic parents are the same. “Son, become a doctor, engineer, or lawyer!” An artist or comedian is not high on the cultural monetary hierarchy – it’s somewhere between Teacher and glorified bathroom attendant. What was your family and communities’ response to you coming out as a comedian?

DEAN: I was a practicing lawyer. To me, I tell people that [law] was extinguishing the spark in my soul, it was killing me. I mean it is truly uncreative, and I didn’t like it. I only went to law school because I was active in political stuff, and it would be good pedigree to have. It was a secure profession, and my parents were really happy with. As for the comedy, I gradually built up to it. I was a lawyer, and I did a funny lawyer show for my law firm. I did some open mics, and it was more like I was doing comedy as a side gig for fun. As my comedy started to infringe on my legal career, there came the time I had to make the decision. I mean I was hired at Saturday Night Life where I worked for 6 years doing tangentially legal work, but really working on production of the show, so I was able to write jokes for Weekend Update, learn about comedy, and befriend cast members. And it really helped me learn about comedy, it was like going to graduate school for comedy.

My parents got used to it, and they said I can always go back to being a lawyer as a safety net. My mom, I’m not even kidding, just a few months ago said to me, “You know you can still be a lawyer.” I said, “Mom, I know I can be a lawyer, but I chose this.” And, you know God forbid it doesn’t work, I could still be a lawyer I guess.

ARON: I got kicked out of every school I ever went to. My counselor told me I was not college material, and just to rebel, I went to college…and got kicked out. I said to myself, “You know, I got nothing to do so I’m going to move to LA and live with my brothers.” I found this acting department in LA City College. I was afraid to admit that I wanted to be an actor. I was sitting at home in the summer picking my classes out of the fall schedule, and my mom and bro said, “Hey, there’s an acting class! Why don’t you take it?” And I said, “Nah, nah” even though I secretly wanted to. My fear was I didn’t want to admit that I wanted the spotlight on me, you know, it felt selfish. It didn’t feel like a real career you could pursue, it didn’t seem like a reality. My parents said, “You should do it.” My brother goes, “If you don’t do it now, when are you ever going to take an acting class?” I signed up and it led me to a 2 year acting conservatory program, and got me on stage. I got out of there and emerged as an actor. My parents knew that [acting] would fit. You know, it would fit me, fit my personality. They knew it before I did. So they encouraged me.

MAZ: When I was a Junior at Berkeley, my family didn’t want me to go Italy to study abroad. But I went ahead and did it and it was the best year of my life. After a month I was there, my family became very supportive. After I came back, I said I wanted to be a professor. So, this was the second time they said “This guy is losing his mind.” Even a career as a professor, my mom was looking down at it as a bad idea. I started a PhD program in LA, and she had given completely given up by then. One night I had a paper due the next day, a 5 page paper, and I was sitting in front of my computer. At this time, I was doing some plays in the Theatre Department at UCLA, because I had done acting since I was a kid. All of a sudden, I decided this [theater] is really what I should be doing. I turned the computer off and had no interest in finishing the paper. Next day I told my mom I’m going to drop out and pursue acting, and by then she was like, “You’ve lost your mind.”

Her and my grandmother recommended I learn some trade that people need, “Be an auto mechanic. Be a carpenter. Build something!” They thought I was crazy, but whatever, now they’re big fans. They converted when they saw I could make money doing this – that is the biggest concern – can you make a living? My grandmother, who was the biggest TV watcher in our house, she used to joke, “What does J.J. from “Good Times” have that you don’t have?” to encourage me. And now, when she saw me on the TV, she called and left a message saying, “Mr. Bean! Mr. Bean!” And I call back going, “Mr. Bean? What!?” She says, “I was watching T.V., and you were on there” and I guess she knows the name Mr. Bean as a comedian in England, anyway, I couldn’t figure it all out. But she’s like, “I told you, I always told you, ‘What do you have that J.J. doesn’t have?’”

AHMED: People don’t care as long as you’re bringing acclaim, accolades, or money. My parents were very against the entertainment industry, just totally forbade it. My dad wasn’t really kind for about 7 yrs, because he didn’t agree with the whole idea. When I told him I wanted to be an actor, he thought I was gay, or I joined a cult. My mother was worried, she flipped me $20 here and there.

I lived the epitome of the struggling artist lifestyle. I slept on people’s couches, I waited restaurants, I sold woman’s shoes at one point, and I had a lot of side jobs let’s just say. I did a lot that because I was willing to go through the journey. When your heart tells you to do something, you can have a 1000 voices tell you different, but you know what you’re supposed to do in life.

Now, you know, alhamdulilah [praise be to God], finally, I’m successful. My parents are from the old country, so, I mean I could say “Hey, I auditioned for a movie with Jack Nicholson,” and she’d be like, “Oh, that is great habibi [my beloved], but did you pray today?” I mean she is so devout Muslim and by the Quran and the Book that anything outside of Allah is just materialistic. She’s about as Muslim as they come, but in a cute, funny way. Her devotion is adoring. My father now says, “[Arabic accent] I have good joke for you. Try this one on stage.” My parents think Hollywood is like a bubble in the big scheme of life. They’re proud and happy, and they brag to their friends, but they have so much other shit in their lives, that this is secondary. It took me 10 years to convince them, but now they are 100% behind me.

You all make biting commentary on racial profiling experienced by Arabs and Muslims. They call it FWB – flying while brown. How does this not only affect your comedy but also your perception and experience of being an Arab American post 9-11? For what it’s worth you can always go to the airport to feel like a celebrity, right?”

DEAN: Me and Ahmed were at Regan Airport, they picked me for extra screening and not him. And I said to security, “You’re picking me? His name is Ahmed Ahmed!” How can you not pick him?” And the guard says, “Well your last name Obeidallah does mean “Servant of Allah” (Laughs.) I mean with me I think it’s random I get picked [at airports]. Not with Ahmed, it’s not random. Very, very often he gets picked. There’s no randomness. There’s randomness… and then for every Middle Easterner different rules apply.

AHMED: It provides for great comedy fodder. Whenever I have that type of experience, a way for me to exorcise that is to go up on stage and to talk about it on stage. 9 times out of 10 it comes from honest place and you can find some humor in it.

You’re ethnic, you’re Arab, your name sounds Middle Eastern, and you want to be in Hollywood. Seems like a match made in heaven, right? What’s the reality for people of color and specifically Arabs in the industry?

AHMED: It’s sort of like being Rudolph the red nosed reindeer. You feel like your big red nose is a dysfunctional assault and a handicap. Sometimes, I believe God has reason for everything. There is a reason why I came in the world with a name like Ahmed Ahmed, that I’m Egyptian, and that I’m Muslim. That gives me an advantage, because people are more curious and apt to listen to what I’m saying. Rudolph the red nosed reindeer didn’t know what he was good for, because he got mocked and ridiculed. But, every once in a while, if you work for Santa Claus, he asks you to lead his sleigh because of your dysfunction. Mitzi said all this will turn in your favor, just watch. And I said I don’t see how it can. And she said, “You will know when the time is right.” She is like Yoda, our spiritual leader. When you Google my name, my website comes up, and then there’s a link for the FBI’s most wanted. It makes it difficult for me to get around town. (Laughs.)

DEAN: I think there are more and more opportunities, and I think things are changing. There is a sense for responsibility in Hollywood they didn’t have pre 9-11, and I think there are a lot of people – they think its clichéd or boring to portray an Arab guy as a terrorist. I mean so many people have been supporting us, you know like Comedy Central. All the vice presidents and execs are all Jewish, and people are surprised they are our biggest supporters. If I’m in a room with someone who is Jewish, they understand what it means to persecuted simply because of your background. A few years ago no one cared, but as more people get interested, there was lot of sympathy and especially among Jewish industry executives who are some of our biggest fans.

Dean, you have a great quotation where you said “before 9-11…I was White.” What did you learn not only about your “Whiteness” but also your newfound “Exotic Otherness” as an Arab post 9-11?

DEAN: I learned you could lose your White status in America. Many people aren’t aware you could lose it. What I mean by “White” is before 9-11, I viewed myself as part of a White majority, not as a minority. Even though my father is an Arab, he’s Palestinian, he has an accent, you know, we assimilated pretty much, you know I view my cousins as typical Americans. [Dean's mother is Italian–American and Christian.]

After 9-11, a year or two after, I had an understanding that in America only minority groups suffer backlash when a few of them do something wrong. White people don’t. I mean I do a joke about Oklahoma City, there’s no Operation Hillbilly after that, they don’t line up a White guys and question them for the sins of the few. We are not alone. Talk to anyone who is Black or Hispanic or Asian, if someone does something bad, they are all demonized for the sins of a few people.

As I started using comedy to defend who we were, I became more and more in touch with my heritage, then I affirmatively went out and tried to learn more about it. So I became involved with Arab Americans more, which I never did before, and I went to the Middle East and I never had gone before 9-11. My life has changed. Before 9-11, I never dated anyone with Arab heritage, and my girlfriend now is Palestinian. My life has changed on every level: psychologically, socially, emotionally, and educationally. It’s been a struggle at times, but it’s been eye opening. It’s made me see a real bad side to America and also a great side of people who were really supportive of us who didn’t have to be. The transitory anger after 9-11 where people got beat up is gone, but you have this institutionalization in a way, an acceptance of saying negative things like “They’re too many mosques in America.” But what if someone said if there were too many temples, where would he be? Or too many churches? And the guy who said this just got a teeny bit of flak, that’s it – and it’s just unbelievable. There aren’t enough of us in the media yet to defend ourselves. But it’s getting there.

ARON: I grew up in Washington, DC. My dad was an Arab activist, he was chairman of the Arab Anti Discrimination Committee, and he was big in the community. I was constantly surrounded by Middle East issues. We are a political family. That’s all we talked about in my family: politics, culture, social issues, you know? I come from a highly combative, debating family – that’s all we did. I always felt like I was Arab. I never felt ashamed or weird, I always felt that I know the region, the issues, I know the problems and I feel comfortable talking about it. When I did comedy, I felt I have an ability to talk about this and a lot of people may not. Because a) There are not that many Middle Eastern comedians and b) there are lot of comedians who don’t want to talk about it because of fear. And I didn’t have that fear. I said I can do this and be accepted. I was always comfortable with my heritage, either defending or criticizing the situations.

Maz, you joke a lot about the pressure for Iranian-Americans to assimilate and thus refer to themselves as “Persians…like a cat” and not an “Iranian,” especially now with the aggressive rhetoric against Iran and Ahmedenijad. In America, everyone thinks Iranians are out to get us. In the world, everyone thinks America is out to get them. You’re Iranian and American –great timing. What’s it like to be Iranian-American in 2007?

MAZ: Since I came here as a kid in the late 70′s and right after I arrived, the whole hostage thing happened. So, I’ve been dealing with this crap since I was a kid. And then 9-11 happened, and it was reiteration of it all. I just look at the [Bush] Administration and the current politics. The Administration has a lot of hawks who have a lot of plans in the [Middle East] region, and they want excuses, like Iraq, to go to war. The Iranian Administration has a lot of extremist elements, like American politics, that need America as an enemy. Both sides need the enemy so they can mobilize the people, and not make the people worry about stuff they should be worrying about like the economy, or health care. It’s a distraction and it’s a shame that more people don’t call the politicians out on all this crap that we’re in.

AHMED I reconcile it with putting up a mirror to society and saying, “Take a good look at yourselves. This is how society looks through my eyes.” Certainly because of the way I’m treated, but there’s also a big misunderstanding about our culture. It’s been 7 years, and people still haven’t done their homework. “Palestinian? Iranian? Pakistanian? It’s all the same, man!” I mean a lot of people in American have not been outside of America – ever. No one wants to hear key note speakers and preachers anymore. People want to listen to something more palatable and lighthearted. I never had a big picture. My thing was more personal and selfish. I was coming from a place where I wanted to just be in a movie where I was the guy with the brown hair, and not a terrorist. It just happened to coincide with what’s going in on the world, I just happened to catch the wave, it was right there in front of me. I was already prepared [for comedy].

Aron, you are a Mormon and Palestinian with a last name Kader – the comedy writes itself, no?

ARON: When you got Mormons on one side of your family and Muslims on the other side, it is a one way ticket to being a comedian. You just don’t have a lot of choices. You will become an atheist comedian. Go. Do it! With Mormons, I just couldn’t wait not to be involved with them. My parents don’t go church. My mom comes from old Mormon stock, so she wanted my dad to be a part of it, but he made an effort, but they’re not into it.

Most of the time you have to deal with audiences and fellow performers, producers, directors, who are neither Arab nor Muslim. You’re entertaining an audience who generally doesn’t know anything about you and your culture, and what they do know is mostly negative. How do you reconcile making people laugh who might just as well think you’re a terrorist if they saw you on the street?

DEAN: The people who look like me are shocked whenever I tell them I’m Arab. I tell them my last name means “Servant of Allah,” and they think I’m kidding or making it up or something. I don’t think our comedy is done in a shuck and jive type of thing, we are not playing to the White man’s sensibilities. We are challenging the “Man’s” sensibilities and preconceptions about who we are. We are not giving them what they want, we are giving them the opposite. We are making them uncomfortable most the times.

You hope a few people look at you differently after the show or at least finally be presented with a different side than what they see on The Glenn Beck Show or Fox News – just right wing crap that never ends. They always find something… it never ends… I’m surprised Fox News doesn’t give Hurricanes Muslim names at this point just to screw with us even more. Why not? Just pretend. Just blame us for a tornado, “Today they say it’s due to hot and cold air, but I think it’s due to Al Qaeda.”

ARON: I always talked about my heritage, so I knew going in pre-911 that I would have to lay it out in a way that was very strategic: Either it offends everybody or offends nobody. It had to criticize without hurting anybody. Going to acting school, you can learn how to say “Fuck you” without making people even notice you cussed. But you do it another way, and people go “Oh, he was dirty.” It’s about the delivery. It’s performance.

There is a way to get people to laugh and think. Laugh first, think second. Most comics want to be provocative enough that their material will stick with people. I spend a lot of time in my first 2 years in comedy playing in the West and Mid West , and there was no Middle Eastern audience, you know, I mean 1-2 Arabs if we got lucky. Most my audience was Republicans, they were NASCAR, John Q, 6 Pack average American public. So you have to have material that is solid even without all the Middle Eastern stuff.

MAZ: When we do these “Axis of Evil” tours, there a lot of Middle Easterners and lot of Americans, Whites, Blacks, Asians, whatever. These tours are great, I mean, you feel like a rock star. And then you have a generic audience at a comedy store, and I’m pleasantly surprised. You learn as a comedian if the audience isn’t familiar with your background, then you just take an extra line or two to explain it or set it up. But you learn that we all have similar experiences. So, a lot of times the audience is willing to laugh with you. The difference is not an ethnic thing, but almost an age thing. Younger audiences who like Britney Spears might not be into it much. But an aware audience, they’ve all come on board.

AHMED: If they came to the show and bought a ticket, I don’t give a shit, you know? It’s show business. There is a business behind it and we’re not out to educate the world empty handed and do free shows. We definitely have a business side to us. We have people come to our show, buy tickets, and walk out. In D.C., 10 White women walked out saying how dare we say this, and I’m like, well what did you expect? If you come spend on our show, and you don’t like us, then thanks for the $30 and see you next time. The Arabs though have been very supportive for the most part.

Here’s a Barbara Walters question I have to ask, pardon me. For what it’s worth at least I’m not asking you what tree you think you are. Who is your inspiration for your work and how does it reflect on your comedy?

DEAN: Comedians who do things that challenge people. Lenny Bruce, Bill Hicks, Chris Rock, Richard Pryor. Even John Stewart, he does serious issues, but he doesn’t trivialize them, but he makes them funny, educational, and entertaining at the same time. I don’t challenge the audience to the point that Hicks and Lenny Bruce used to do. If you watch their old shows, there were nights they didn’t get any laughs and they didn’t care. But I still feel an obligation to get a laugh like Chris Rock or John Stewart. They used comedy to do more…to make people think a little bit, raise issues others do not, and they don’t care if their point of view offends.

A lot of this is for my cousins and my family members. And even for people that I don’t know – whether Arab or Muslim or Middle Eastern, who are dark and have accents. I do this for us, for our career, our community, and for people who don’t get a chance to speak for themselves.

ARON: My dad was a teacher and a professor of Political Science. He wrote his dissertation on terrorism, and I watched him growing up doing a lot of public speaking and teaching. I had the benefit of watching someone else get up on stage and perform. My dad has lot of charisma and he gets laughs and he’s a good speaker. It was instinctual for me, because I watched dad on stage.

I didn’t intend on being a political comedian, but I wanted to talk about social issues because those are the comedians I liked. The comedians who would say something about something – substance. Carlin. I love George Carlin. I like angry and ranting – I like that, I don’t know why. But I also like Booger jokes. I love Eddie Murphy and Cosby. And Pryor – you know, he was almost a social activist.

But when you go out on stage, pre or post 9-11 it doesn’t matter, because when you say you are Palestinian, it’s like you made a political statement. It’s unavoidable. Ahmed doesn’t need to talk about Bush to say he is political comedian, and he’s not. But just because he talks about Middle Easterners, they label him as topical, political, social comedian or whatever. And, he’s just a comic, he talks about family stuff, how it’s difficult to fly, and I mean these are things comics have talked about for years.

I mean we’re just comedians, but once you say you’re Middle Eastern – it’s loaded. People don’t have follow up questions. You talk to an Irish guy you’re like, “Hey , you’re Irish?! You like Whiskey?” You say, “Hey, I’m Palestinian!” And they go, “Oh…(awkward pause). Soooo, what kind of rocks do you like to throw?”

MAZ: As a kid, I was a fan of Eddie Murphy. He ended up on Saturday Night Live at 19, and I wanted to get on SNL at an earlier age. Obviously, it didn’t happen. Later as a comedian, guys like Pryor and Cosby, the fact they tell long stories, keep it funny, and it’s about them. Comedy is a lot like therapy, you talk about yourself, issues on your mind, and if you can bring those issues to the world and make it funny, you’re not just being funny, but you’re being poignant.

If you look at a comedian, and you go, “That’s great,” the first question you should ask is “How long has he been doing it?” Because people who are really great have been doing this for a long time. I’ve been in a game for 9 years and I have a lot to grow still.

AHMED: Muhammad Ali. I approach my comedy seriously and with a boxer’s mentality. It’s an individual sport, and I’m competing with myself and not the audience. I mean they are there, laughing and cheering on, but it’s me who I’m competing with. Muhammad Ali was extremely confident, he used to talk about how he was the Greatest, and he wrote poems and stuff. I liked guys like Steve Martin. Also, international sensations, people who can cross over into international waters, like Ali. He was an all out entertainer. Sinatra, Pryor, you know, certain people who can touch a whole a globe. Several people can touch a community or a small nation, but when people know you all over the globe, you made it. All of us come from scratch, none of us come from royalty. We are entertainers, but if we can cross over with our humor to different pockets in the world, then all the better.

Going off on that, suppose you have a Middle Eastern, Arab, or Muslim audience reading this piece. How can you convince them and your critics that doing comedy, which is routinely seen as one of the most difficult, arduous, frustrating and least reputable entertainment acts, is a worthwhile profession? And that this profession of comedy actually helps Arabs, Middle Easterners, and Muslims in the post 9-11 world we live in?

DEAN: As we get more successful, I think people see you can make a living at this now. It’s a career alternative, it really is. It’s not a career beneath other careers, I mean you can be an activist and you don’t have to suffer or work in a camp. You can use your comedy, or your art, or your music, poetry, whatever form of art to raise issues that are important. The beauty of standup is that it is a very American invention. So we’re using a very American vehicle to get our message out about us. You can use comedy as a form of activism. If I didn’t believe in it, I wouldn’t be as committed. We get to do something that helps our career and our community at the same time.

AHMED: First of all, comedians are the highest paid entertainers. Aside from few entertainers like Bono or Sting, most comedians like Seinfeld, Cosby, Letterman, Leno, Carrey, Adam Sandler, they are the top earners. It can be the least reputable in the sense that the journey there is the least reputable, but once you arrive at the mountain, it’s really a sweet ride. I mean in the comedy club for 10 years you can make 100 people laugh for $15 a night, and then 15 yrs later, they can be making $100 million dollars. It’s not a bad journey if you can be patient.

As far as ethnic communities, you know when I first started, people called me and said, (Arabic accent) “We’ll give you $300.” And I said, “I can’t do it for that much.” They replied, “Why? What do you mean? You just go on stage and tell a joke. Ok, we get somebody else.” So, they get someone who is not funny, never done comedy before, and they always call me back saying, [thick Arabic accent] “Ok, Ok. You’re right. It was fucking horrible. We want you.” I said no to a lot of gigs because I had to hold my ground and teach my community that we had to take this shit seriously. I would never go to a doctor’s office and say, “Can I get free brain surgery? Give me discount on my open heart surgery? I know I have I have 4 bad arteries, but only cut out 3 and give me discount.”

You know, if a thousand people can relate to my story, then so be it. I don’t like it when I’m sitting around and I hear people talking about Muslim and Arabs, and I’m in front of them and they think I’m Mexican, so they say it. Lot of people don’t even know that Islam is a faith and way of life, and you don’t “look Muslim.” Sometimes, when I’m standing and I hear some ignorant guys saying, “You know, we should go fuck all the Muslims.” I go and say, “Hey, ignorant guy. I’m Muslim. Why don’t you think about what you’re talking about?” And I always speak up. I say, “You’re dumb. Why don’t you guys go read a book?” But, I don’t want to come across like that. So, comedy allows me to hit people in the back of the head and say, “Hey, stupid! We’re not all like that. Let me show you what most of us are like.” I’m doing it because I’m personally insulted. I care about the religion. So, there’s definitely room for improvement. But, the industry doesn’t care about culture or race or messages. They care about the color green. Money talks and bullshit walks.

MAZ: It’s about pointing out the stupidity if someone makes a comment. I remember I criticized Bush once and the lady got upset and I had to remind her, that’s the beauty of this country, dumbass! That we’re allowed to do this, that’s the whole point, you’re missing the point on your own freedom! You force people to look at the logic.

DEAN: Most Middle Easterners, I think almost everyone, except a few exceptions, most came here for a better life, you know, for an opportunity. My father came here in ’57 to support his family, get enough money to send it back home. America is a great country and I’m grateful forever because it gave my father an opportunity. My grandparents from my mom’s side came from Sicily. America has its faults but it has ideals of tolerance, freedom, and treating people fairly regardless of race or religion. That’s being an American. And I think some guys today like Glenn Beck are un-American, I think its ironic – that these guys – right wing guys, radio guys, they actually advocate an un-American vision, advocating religious intolerance. To me nothing more is un- American than attacking a group of people or demonizing a whole religion for the sins of a few. I defend Islam everyday [chuckle]. I mean my name is “Obeidallah” – the Slave of God. The little servant of Allah, right? I have no choice.

At the end of the day, what do you want Axis of Evil to stand for? When you’re old men and you look back at this, what do you want people to say about its legacy – ideally?”

DEAN: I hope it encourages and inspires more Middle Easterners, Arabs, and Muslims to get involved in the entertainment field, and all forms of media. So often we sit and complain how we are demonized and portrayed horribly, the only ones who will ever clear our name is us. The burden is on us. No one is going to do us a favor. Right now there are like 10 or 12 of us, so I joke, we are in the top 10 of our field [chuckles].

MAZ: I hope it is one of the first programs that helped changed minds about people regarding Middle Easterners. I hope it lasts and that it shows in history.

ARON: We want to represent our culture in a positive way. Through comedy, we can be accepted and be seen for who we really are – regular Americans. I hope one day we look back on these years and are able to say that we opened the door for Middle Eastern people in this business. If I live to be 65, I hope to be able to say that there are more Middle Eastern voices in the mainstream media, and that we may have contributed to that. I hope to see more actors, writers, directors, producers, TV executives, and ultimately, maybe one day we’ll have a network news anchor that can report the 120-year old crisis in the Middle East.

 

 

Wajahat Ali is a playwright, essayist, humorist, and J.D. graduate, author of “The Domestic Crusaders,” the first major play about Muslim Americans (http://www.domesticcrusaders.com). He can be reached at wajahatmali@gmail.com.

“It was more important he was Muslim than where he was from”

“Mad About You” co-creator David Guarascio has successfully brought a Muslim lead character to US television – in a comedy, no less. Wajahat Ali sits down with the “Aliens in America” co-creator to find out how it happened.

By Wajahat Ali, November 6, 2007

	It’s funny because it’s true

The representation of Muslims on the silver screen has generally involved rampant extremism, terrorism, mindless shouting, and wanton violence washed over an Arabic soundtrack. Pakistanis, when not confused with Apu from the “Simpsons,” have had the dubious honor of being inadvertently deported by Jerry Seinfeld [the classic "Babu" episode]. One can imagine the hesitation with which Muslims and Pakistanis anticipated the new CW network comedy, “Aliens in America”.

Aliens focuses on the lives of two socially awkward but well intentioned American high school students, one of whom happens to be a Pakistani Muslim exchange student who speaks in accented English and wears traditional South Asian clothing. The show has been enthusiastically received by not only Muslims and South Asians, but also critics who have described it as a sharp, funny, and insightful look at American suburbia and teenage anxieties. Playwright and altmuslim correspondent Wajahat Ali recently sat with “Aliens in America” co-creator David Guarascio to discuss the origins of the show.

David, you have had considerable experience in this industry with your success on “Mad About You” [hit NBC show starring Helen Hunt and Paul Reiser.] Let’s talk about the origins of “Aliens in America.” You come up with this great idea about focusing on teenage life in Wisconsin with a dorky high school kid and, oh yeah, a Pakistani Muslim exchange student. How the heck does this happen?

DAVID: [Laughs.] You know it’s always a hard question to answer. My writing partner Moses Port and I were just in the phase of trying to think of a new idea for a TV show. We were talking about our own high school experiences and all the insecurities, anxieties, and nightmare experiences of high school. We were wondering if there was a fresh take on the form of a TV show, a comedy about high school. At the same time, we were talking about the geo political situation of the world at the time, which has gotten worse since then. We first started talking about it in 2005. We also started talking about politics and the giant gap that exists between Americans and really the rest of the world, specifically the Muslim world. In that stew, we sort of came up with the idea for the show.

Lot of people don’t know how a TV show gets on the air. Be our eyes and ears and give us a tour from pitch to the pilot episode.

We have this idea, and at some point in the conversation, we’re saying what if the mother brought in an exchange student into this household? What if he was a devout Muslim? How would it affect this family? Clearly, we knew he was going to be much of an outcast in a really small, really white, Christian community. What are the similarities and differences between their situations? Then, we go to our studio and network and we do a pitch. We pitch out the characters and the situation of the show to them.

What did the studio initially think of the show?

Both the studio and the network loved it. They thought it was funny and topical and something people hadn’t seen before, particularly a Muslim character in a comedy. We told them our approach and they seemed to like it. We got up and wrote a script of that first episode that sets up and establishes the whole world of the characters. We turned it into the studio – they really liked it. Then, we gave it to the network. The studio produces the show, and then the network buys it from them – that’s how it works. The network at that time was NBC, and they didn’t want to do it.

Why did NBC pass on it?

They thought it skewed too young. They didn’t want to do a show about kids in high school, which is only part of what the show is about. So, we just fell in love with the material as we wrote it, which is often the case for a writer because you think you’re so special. [Laughs.] We got it to another network, The CW, and they loved it. And about a year later, we shot the pilot, which is the sample episode. It sat on the shelf for a few months waiting to hear if they were going to order it to series so we can make more episodes. In May, they ordered it to series, so now we’ve been producing the show in Vancouver, Canada. We write in LA, but we shoot in Vancouver for budgetary reasons. So, that’s the 2 year journey.

This seems like a nerve-wracking experience, no?

It is. The truth is that the way TV works – most of the stuff that gets written and shot as pilots doesn’t get seen by anybody. It’s really an existentialist kind of a creative existence, because you’re working on stuff no one ever sees. So, it’s certainly nice to get something out there.

The title of the show, “Aliens in America,” is very clever and seems to be playing on several subtexts. How’d you all decide on the final title? I realize it can be so difficult to decide on the final name of a show.

Titling a show is so hard. I think we still go back and forth as though we’ve given America the impression that this is a show about people from outer space. [Laughs.] I think it goes back to what the show is really about not just for the character Raja and Justin, but for the whole family – and our view of the modern culture in America. It’s really easy to feel alienated and disconnected from your community, from people in your own family. Partly, because people don’t have themselves rooted in something substantial. So, here’s Raja who comes in and is rooted in something substantial – his faith. It’s really counterbalancing, because he feels like an alien for his own reasons, because he has a hard time fitting in a community that is not ready to accept who he is. So, the idea is that we are all sort of aliens in one way or another. When we wrote the first few pages of the pilot script, we were describing Justin [the teenage protagonist] as feeling like an alien in his own school, because he so doesn’t fit in. It was writing that voice over for that character that made us think of the title for the show.

The main character Justin Tolchuk, played by Dan Byrd, is one of the unluckiest and dorkiest teenagers I’ve seen on television in a long time. I feel so bad for the poor guy who goes from one humiliating teenage experience to the next. How much of Justin’s character is rooted in your reality?

It’s an amalgamation of our experiences. He has it particularly rough. I moved in the middle of high school and it was a very hard transition for me – feeling like an outcast. Moses comes from a small town that is entirely Christian and he was just one of the couple of Jewish kids in his school. During Christmas time, the whole school would sing Christmas songs together, and they would put Moses and one other kid on stage to sing Hanukkah songs. So, he has distinctive feelings about being marked for his differences.

As you know I’m Pakistani and Muslim, so I have a vested interest in seeing a representation of my people on screen. I don’t know if I should be honored that an awkward, dorky, yet well intentioned Pakistani Muslim character exists, but it’s still much better than a terrorist or extremist. There are a lot of Muslim countries and ethnicities. Why did you and Moses decide on a Pakistani Muslim, and not, say, a Syrian Muslim or Egyptian Muslim?

That’s a good question. I can’t say specifically, but you know, here’s what I think it was. We ultimately felt it may not have mattered as much, it was more important he was Muslim than where he was from. What we liked about Pakistan was that it was an ally of the United States, but still had a very conflicted relationship. It’s a relationship we feel that people are still working on, and it may not be working well all the time, but people are working on it. I think that parallel for our show seems to be the best fit.

How’d you find Adhir Kalyan, the 21 year-old actor who plays Raja Musharaff, the Pakistani Muslim immigrant protagonist? Did a conflict ever emerge from the fact the actor is Hindu and from South Africa but playing a Pakistani Muslim?

We started casting here in LA for this role. You know, there weren’t a lot of actors. It was a small talent pool of actors who are in this age range and who look this part and are available to us. We are also hired casting directors in Toronto and New York. We just didn’t find him, we couldn’t find the right guy. Then, we hired a casting director in London, because there is a big Pakistani community there. So, we watched over the internet performances not really knowing what anyone’s background was. We just saw the performance essentially. We saw Adhir and he was clearly the guy. I mean he was the guy we’ve been looking for. We flew him out to LA and watched him do a couple of scenes with Dan Byrd [the lead actor], and we wanted to see them together just to make absolutely sure because the show hinges on that relationship. They were great together, and that’s how he got cast. Whatever his religion was wasn’t important to us, because actors are always playing roles, and they are putting on a character. I’m sure in the large pool we were looking at, I’m sure some of the actors were Muslims, but we just took the best one. He happened to be it. We did not even know at the time he was born and raised in South Africa. He had been in London only for a short time.

I’ve talked to many Middle Eastern, Arab actors who routinely complain about being perpetually typecast as a terrorist. Is the industry skewed against minorities, especially those of certain racial and religious classifications? Is this intentional, if yes how did you counteract that?

I think it is in a way that people, despite their best intentions, can’t help but have some degree of prejudice. This is just my personal view of human behavior that people are comfortable knowing what they know, it doesn’t matter if they are white Americans, Christians, or Pakistanis, they are usually going to feel very comfortable with people that they know and less comfortable with what they don’t know. That’s essentially what happens in our pilot story. Their mistreatment of Raja from comes from a prejudice. Not all of it is malicious, some of it comes with the best intentions, but there is a lack of understanding. That is where the cultural gaps come from. I wouldn’t lambaste the industry as a whole, but the entertainment industry, like any other industry, is run by people trying their best. There will be times when their own prejudices and stereotypes, however deeply rooted they be, and they might not even be conscious of them, must come to play certain numbers of times. It just seems silly to think otherwise.

There seems to be a disconnect between racial and ethnic minority groups and their lack of visibility and representation on TV. A lot of time they say they are relegated to the UPN and lowly rated networks and timeslots. How do you make it mainstream as a minority entertainer in this industry? Is the recipe to get out of the “whitewashed” doldrums in order to be palatable to the mainstream?

I really don’t know. I really don’t know what the suggestion or formula would be – even in the same sense Moses and I aren’t Pakistani or Muslim writing the show. It starts more from there and from behind the camera. I do think due to the entertainment market place, at least for TV, is very fractured. There are lot more avenues. There is now cable and internet. With more avenues there are more opportunities to find niche markets to explore different programming that has a different cultural perspective. Those that are good and succeed will catch on. “Ugly Betty” is a good example on NBC based on a Spanish Language tele-novella that was hugely successful in Latin markets. Eventually, it’s been adapted to American TV and still has a largely Hispanic cast and writing staff, and that has been an underrepresented group on US television, but its success other places has bred its success here. Right now, networks so love to find material in other countries. Something that is successful in other places means it had a trial run proving it can attract an audience. There are certain things that are universal. Everyone wants a good story, everyone wants a suspenseful drama, everyone wants to feel, to laugh, so if those things are working someplace else regardless of their cultural types, it’s a good candidate to be adapted and purloined here for American entertainment.

Did you become acquainted with the authenticity of the Muslim or Pakistani culture? How do you make sure your portrayal is realistic?

We first started by reading books. We started with “Islam for Dummies” and ended up with Reza Aslan’s “No God but God.” We got some DVD’s with Muslim teenagers talking about their experiences. We contacted the Muslim Public Affairs Council. We had them on the set when we shot the pilot to help us with Raja’s prayers. We also hired couple of writers in the staff that are Pakistani Muslim and one is also practicing Muslim. We hired a dialogue couch to help with Adhir’s accent. We don’t get everything perfectly right we discovered over time. We are endeavoring to represent Raja and his devotion as accurately as possible. There’s a lot of variety of opinions and interpretations of things just like with any religion or large group. All that sort of allows us to leave an accurate, respectful description where it still leaves room for this specific character we want to represent.

What has been the reaction from the critics? Specifically, tell me about the reaction from Muslim groups like MPAC and South Asian groups?

MPAC’s reaction and groups we talked to – their reaction has been very positive. We did a screening at the Islamic Center of Southern California – that was our biggest screening for anybody. We also did screening for the Brookings Institute in Washington, DC. They have a program trying to bridge the gap between Muslim and American cultures. We had DC politicos and Muslim Americans in the audience. The first results we usually get from Muslims is “thank you for doing a comedy,” Nobody ever called MPAC with a comedy, usually it’s very serious, a drama, not always terrorism, but always very, very serious. So, they said thank you for a comedy because it allows people to relax a bit and is a lot more inclusive, and more can identify with comedy than drama.

Some criticisms from Muslims are that we can make Raja a more flawed character. And don’t worry, we will get there. It’s important to us that he is a very morally sound person in this family, Muslim or not. His dress has thrown some people. His shalwar khameez [traditional South Asian male clothing] and kufi [skull cap] for example. Some people feel someone of his education and middle class background wouldn’t be dressed like this. We found enough of a grey area where we want him to embrace it. We started shooting episodes now where he is not wearing it as much, because he is spending more time here in America. We just wanted to include that as an arc for the character in the series.

What you want to convey to your audience, both Muslim and American?

First and foremost we want to be funny. We want people to laugh and to be entertained – that is our goal. There is a subtext, a message underneath the surface. We do think that there are some ways people are truly different, but that doesn’t mean there are not important ways to connect with people. Ultimately, a life or world where people work to make connections rather than disconnections is a better way of living.

It seems your show enjoys subtle satirical jabs poking fun of American ignorance. For example, Raja is the “alien” but he happens to be the most morally sound and level headed of the characters.

We try to include political and social satire as much as we can, whether a joke or line, or build a whole story out of it. It’s certainly something we take pleasure in. [A recent episode entitled "Rocket Club" chronicled the kids' attempt at creating a club for their school. Raja, the sincere and well intentioned Muslim immigrant, purchases rocket making materials like lighter fluid, flammable materials, and matches. For the rest of the show, the police investigate him as a potential terrorist.]

How do you walk that line of making fun of us Americans as sometimes ignorant, while also tackling topical issues of prejudice and also being sweet and funny in tone?

You try not to think about it too much, because when you do you can’t move forward. If you have a cast that is endearing and winning people on their own, then it gives us the latitude to push it in the writing knowing the cast will keep us from going too far, because the audience is still rooting for them even if they are saying or doing the wrong thing sometimes. So, it’s essentially relying on their charm. It’s occasionally taking a step back also, and sometimes we have edited ourselves when we feel that given where we are in the show, it might be too much for the [fictional] parents to have certain feelings against Raja. You work in the moment, then you step back and reanalyze things. The harshest criticisms that we’ve been received is people saying we’re making fun of Americans. Our view is there is satire in the show that is making fun of some American attitudes.

I don’t think we’re saying anything is wrong with Americans, but certainly there are enough people that are prejudiced where I think it’s fodder for some poignant comedy. It may not be we were making fun of “you”, but maybe someone you know. Or maybe it’s “you”, but just a part of “you.” I don’t think you can look at the past 6 yrs and think there’s no prejudice in the American public’s relationship and understanding of Islam.

It’s about people not understanding, but over the time, you can understand to learn, and that will change people’s opinions perhaps.

Wajahat Ali is a playwright, essayist, humorist, and J.D. whose work, “The Domestic Crusaders,” (http://www.domesticcrusaders.com) is the first major play about Muslim Americans living in a post 9-11 America. He can be reached at wajahatmali@gmail.com.