“Contemporary Muslim Woman” Series: Over 30 and Unmarried – Breaking a Stalemate
GOATMILK continues its original and exclusive month long series entitled “The Contemporary Muslim Woman” featuring diverse Muslim women writers from around the world discussing a gamut of topics in their own unique, honest and eclectic voices.
Breaking a Stalemate
ZEBA IQBAL
My sincere request to the Muslim American community, namely eligible men and their mothers, matrimonial sites and event organizers, and rishta aunties everywhere: ‘Please stop ignoring me, and many others like me. I am part of a growing population of single women over 35 in our community, and we are not going away.’
We’ve reached a stalemate on marriage (probably several years ago) and have been on opposite sides of the table for too long. Can we be allies, not enemies? No one’s right. No one’s wrong. Can we call a truce and move on?
Though not widely discussed beyond the living rooms of Muslim American families, we all know marriage is a high priority (to be clear ‘wajib’ not ‘fardh’). Being unmarried and over 35, I know searching for a suitable mate also includes a lot of soul searching (example: “Why is this happening Allah, what have I/we done wrong?’ accompanied by muffled sobs and tears, and of course chest beating).
Growing up on romance novels and romantic movies, we (women) are not averse to marriage. Before you say ‘tauba’ too many times many of the ‘romantic movies’ are Bollywood movies our parents ‘wished we would watch’ so that we would stay ‘connected with our culture’. Culture is a double-edged sword I guess.
I believe we all need help. We need to take this discussion out of our living rooms to Muslim social scientists, our prominent imams and our community leaders. We need to do research, ask for their expertise and assistance. You think I’m joking. I’m not. This situation is not something we can address effectively without deep Islamic knowledge and strong data.
I honestly do not believe I am ‘incapable’ of finding a ‘suitable match’, or that I am too old to have children, too picky, too ambitious, can’t cook or placing too much focus on my career. Yet this is what I have heard for the better part of 10 years.
Let’s move beyond these circular discussions. I truly appreciate any and all efforts, but I am not big on ‘cookie cutter’ solutions where the focus is on culture, not religion. Why are we re-enforcing failed cultural paradigms and not creating a religious paradigm for our community?
I have pep-talked my single friends out of some rough times (I’ve been there too), and know that ‘I’m younger today than I will be tomorrow’, I am ‘Allah’s creation and Allah’s creations are all beautiful’. More importantly, the Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) married women that were older/younger, thinner/fatter, darker/lighter, taller/shorter, stronger/weaker, etc. Except for Bibi Khadija, none of his wives had children, and yet they were the ‘best of women’.
Marriage is a fortress, it is a protection for men and women, and is not only for procreation. Also, wealth and children are gifts from Allah, we cannot guarantee either of them. We forget these things when we get wrapped up so tightly in our social and cultural norms.
I am ‘unlucky in love’ at least partly because I am working against a system, a mindset, with little to no support outside of a tight network of family and friends. Meeting and speaking with qualified, eligible men in informal and varied settings without going bankrupt and losing all my pride is a tough, if not impossible, proposition. You shake your head, but I speak the truth.
Informal and Varied Settings
Ask any relatively normal and well-adjusted person who does not stick out like a sore thumb in any other aspect of life except their ‘unmarried’ state and you will know that matrimonial events and sites focus on age, height, income and location. Not always to be discriminatory, but more because they are the ‘easiest ways’ to pre-screen and categorize.
These settings are awkward and uncomfortable at best, especially for outliers (women over 35) and most men. Women over 35 are often asked to sit in corners of the room or are ‘screened out’ of internet searches. We often convince other women to keep us company, but convincing men (our friends or people ‘like us) is tough, if not impossible.
Informal professional networking events and sites in ‘halal’ settings are a better option, but they don’t target (or want to target) only marriage-minded singles. Their goal isn’t (and shouldn’t be) marriage.
Going Bankrupt
We were always taught to be prudent, but internet site subscriptions add up ($20-30 each per month on Shaadi, Shadi, Match, eHarmony, etc) as do matrimonial events ~$100 each excluding clothes, make-up, hair and travel.
After paying dearly for these, I have stopped both. With the former, it was the numerous photo-less two-line bios (example: ‘Were r u luv of my life? I am waitin my hole life for u. I bad with writting about myself. If u want to know me more please call or txt to me.’) and communicating with ‘lonelyinluv’s, ‘lookinforu’s, receiving email marriage proposels from ‘juscantwait’s and jpgs of roses from ‘luvofmylife’s. I decided, country song titles were not my thing. With the latter, no men, but I have made enough wonderful girlfriends to last me a lifetime.
Rishta aunties, well, they do pass on my cell phone number to people (without informing me). I recently got a call from a man who had been sent by one. I spoke to him, but after responding to my query ‘so you’re divorced, do you have children’ with ‘kind of, do you like men who have children or not?’ I politely got off the phone and did du’a not to receive such calls anymore. Some pre-screening please!
We spend freely because absent other options, the rationale is ‘OK these efforts are expensive, but —- true love: priceless!’. I am half-kidding, but in all seriousness, if there was more promise in any of these options, I would gladly keep paying, despite the economic crisis.
Pride
Need I say more? Suffice it to say, this search for the ever elusive ‘suitable match’ has been a humbling experience
I have said my peace, and really do want to crack this egg, if not for me, for others – now and in the future. We can change this situation, InshAllah, but not without honest discussion. Life is too short to waste in a stalemate.
Wow.
I found this to be a hard hitting and honest portrayal of what is the typical dismissive tone with which the community treats single women older than their mid-20s. It is almost unconscionable, the social isolation and misunderstanding that occurs. Ultimately, God knows best but we definitely need more honesty.
Abbas
March 12, 2009 at 6:31 pm
[...] example, a recent post by an American Muslim woman in her thirties bemoaned the difficulty of finding a husband when [...]
Learning Across Communities « Multifaithworld.org
March 12, 2009 at 6:42 pm
Zeba
I really enjoyed this article! Thank you for your honesty. I agree that we really need to stop relying on cultural paradigms and must begin to rethink marriage in our communities!
Thank you!
-Rabea
Rabea Chaudhry
March 12, 2009 at 7:12 pm
A FANTASTIC article, Zeba!
I’m thinking of all the hilarious ads on Muslima.com now…
Fatemeh
March 13, 2009 at 2:08 am
[...] Wajahat Ali’s “The Contemporary Muslim Women” series has more entries by Nausheen Ali, Kannaporn Amoraseth Akarapisan, Rabea Chaudhry, Noura Erakat, and Zeba Iqbal. [...]
Friday Links — March 13, 2009 « Muslimah Media Watch
March 13, 2009 at 8:03 am
wow, jazaki Allahu khayran for sharing your frank — and much-needed — reflections on this issue! It’s far too widely ignored, and a reality that our communities need to overcome along with nonsensical cultural paradigms that don’t do anything productive for people!
Roberta
March 13, 2009 at 8:02 pm
Very nice and frank piece. I can certainly identify with it, having gone through the ordeal myself.
Indeed the muslim community needs to mature and shed its hypocrisy. Part of the problem with the situation muslims are in today’s world is their treatment of women. The muslim community cannot make progress unless its attitude towards women changes for the better.
The people who claim to following the footsteps of Prophet Mohammad conveniently ignore the fact that he was married to a woman much older than him. Age(or may I say fertitlity) and skin complexion are of utmost importance. Education, intelligence are rather insignificant. And if a woman has her own mind, forget it! So insecure are some men(and their family).
Yasmin
March 14, 2009 at 1:54 am
BRAVO! Well-written piece that shall hopefully not be lost in the sea of the blogosphere, but bring forth awareness and action in the Muslim American community.
Komal
March 14, 2009 at 3:56 pm
I have to say that this is a very one-sided and lame piece of venting. What about the other side of this issue – the single men? To be honest – why is it that a whole group of our generation (I’m 32 and married, alhamdulillah) DID manage to find someone and DID get married?
Overall, this is a fairly weak essay.
scooby
March 14, 2009 at 8:01 pm
May Allah Bless you the best sister. Ameen
Khalid
March 14, 2009 at 8:11 pm
Going through this myself, I can definitely identify with everything you’ve mentioned. With respect ‘Scooby’ no one’s denying that there are people out there that are happily married, of course this is always going to be the case, it would be unusual if no-one was married??! I think what the author was trying to highlight is that it’s much harder for females to find a partner as statistically there are less men per woman and what makes it especially hard is if you’re over 30 and part of a culture that thinks such an age is over the hill – namely the Muslim community!
I think many family’s are worried that once a woman is over 30 a woman’s eggs will have completely dried up! Well, let me tell you – mine are just fine thankyou very much (insha’allah)!
Kelly
March 14, 2009 at 11:58 pm
Culturally Muslim women are only allowed to marry Muslim men. We should reconsider that statement. Muslim women should be able to marry anybody and the families need to be supportive rather than beating their chests because their daughter is not talking to nice Pakistani boy but rather some ghora.
Sofia
March 15, 2009 at 5:17 pm
great article Zeba…personally speaking and as well as someone who has been part of community development it has been a painful realization that there are better women than men, qualitatively. In my opinion this is the case with non-muslims too, although it is quiet stark amongst muslims. I admire your courage in writing this piece and bearing your heart. I hope Allah blesses you for this.
here are couple of interesting links –
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/India/Why_is_there_a_shortage_of_men/rssarticleshow/2986901.cms
That article was from Slate http://www.slate.com/id/2188684/
Faheem
March 16, 2009 at 5:53 am
[...] “Contemporary Muslim Woman” Series: Over 30 and Unmarried – Breaking a Stalemate [...]
Informal professional networking events and sites in ‘halal’ settings are a better option, but they don’t target (or want to target) only marriage-minded singles. Their goal isn’t (and shouldn’t be) marriage. « Muslim786malaysia’s Bl
March 22, 2009 at 6:34 am
Selam a lekum Zeba
This is a very thought provoking article. I encourage you to visit the following website: http://www.noorallahproductions.com. There is an entire section of free videos in there where the shaykh talks about the many different aspects of marriage.
May Allah (sbut) allow you to meet the right person inshalla..
take care
hamid
hamid
March 24, 2009 at 2:00 am
[...] you don’t like what I wrote, you should then read this. Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)Support for Working Mums FallsIndian woman.. [...]
Do Not Enter « Writings
March 24, 2009 at 2:12 am
[...] Iqbal, author of the now famous “Over 30 and Unmarried” post returns [...]
“Contemporary Muslim Woman” Series: Dating While Muslim by Zeba Iqbal « GOATMILK: An intellectual playground edited by Wajahat Ali
March 26, 2009 at 8:58 am
asa Zeba
I can totally relate to you…and its definitely an issue in the western world. i want answers from my communit leaders who assert their authority on everyting else but have failed to notice we, the single women of their community, have a problem.
anyway i also read your article on alt muslimah today and loved it.
Sofi
April 4, 2009 at 9:14 am
Zeba,
As Salamalaikum. Just like you have your own situation so do divorcees. Being open to men who are in “different” circumstances may be something to look in to. Aren’t you guilty of doing the same thing to the divorcee what others are doing to you? Just in general being open to the non traditional like going outside the community and recent reverts to Islam is one thing but what about all of the divorcees out there?
Tahir
April 4, 2009 at 5:32 pm
[...] “ContemporaryMuslim Woman” Series: Over 30 and Unmarried – Breaking a Stalemate « GOATMILK: An … Breaking a Stalemate [...]
C L O S E R » Blog Archive » Closing the week 14
April 5, 2009 at 10:16 am
@ Tahir –
Salaams – I agree that divorce(e)s have their own struggles. And I agree that we all need to be more open. It was not explicitly stated in any of my pieces – but most single women over 30 (myself included) are more than willing to and do meet divorce(e)s with and without children.
Zeba
Zeba Iqbal
April 6, 2009 at 12:04 am
Let’s be honest.
The problem is we live in a western country that does not follow the Islamic guidelines regarding marriage.
Western society: 1 husband – 1 wife.
Islamic solution: 1 husband – up to 4 wives.
As with all things of this world plural marriages have their own issues but certainly alleviate much of the ills of western struggles with morality and much of the muslima-over-35 issue.
Mukarram
April 9, 2009 at 7:21 pm
As Sallaam Sister!
This is what comes to my heart after reading what you have written.
Keeping aside all the concerns we may or might have in this life, the list will never end. Your story is the agony of before marriage, do u really think ppl who are married are happy??? Rethink!!
Today we are suffering from what our parents inherited so called culture accumulated over hundreds of years from the Colonial Era. In short our success now lies in re embracing Islam, in going back to the basics, divorcing ourselves from our cultures.
Viit the site brother Hamid Mentioned http://www.noorallahproductions.com/www.noora1.com by Da’ee Ahmed Moait from US. He lives in New York. He has guided many youngsters like us. So check his videos once, you will get answers.
As Sallaam!
Zohra
zohrajab29@yahoo.co.in
Zohra
April 30, 2009 at 2:04 am
Alhamdulilah, jazakallah for expressing your experience, and there are many more Muslim, unmarried women out there, who must be reassured that Allah has saved us from the troubles that may have befallen us and WILL grant marriage when it is BEST for us, and those unmarried singles who feel passionatley that they also want non-divorcee partners are entitled to want to do so, because they are firstly commanded in the quran to marry thos who are single before other pious Muslims are mentioned after.
It is so true that as you mention the ‘Islam’ value and influence should be there to a far greater scale in the marriage forum, such that those who lead communities should take a vested interest in guiding with this aspect of life and community asap.
learn.hi
July 1, 2009 at 4:53 am
[...] author of the now famous and extremely popular “Dating While Muslim” and “Over 30 and Unmarried” returns to [...]
“Contemporary Muslim Woman” Series: The Dating Dialogue – Muslim Relationships by Zeba Iqbal « GOATMILK: An intellectual playground edited by Wajahat Ali
July 7, 2009 at 8:39 am
She is stupid like so many other women. Women in their 20s are arrogant and think life revolves around them. The reason they are unmarried over 30 is that they waited it out in their 20s thereby creating fitnah for men who were looking to get married in their 20s. I mean let’s be serious here: waiting or searching for 10 years (20 to 30) and not finding anybody suitable (being picky), not making the first move so as to save their own pride and feelings and letting men take all the humiliation, and not being serious in their 20s is exactly what they are going to get: a single life in their 30s. I will take a divorced woman who married in her 20s and now in her 30s as it proves to some extent that she was not the cold hearted selfish – me me and me type of girl in her 20s. It is just that she was unlucky and her first marriage did not work out. That is how Khadijah was. she was divorced when prophet married her. Ten years is a long time given by Allah in this short life of a few decades to look for someone suitable and failure to do so or holding out during this period creates enormous problems for men of similar age to do fitnah. If women don’t care about their men in their 20s then come 30s we will not care about you. You will have no share in our wealth or gaurdianship.
What goes around comes around.
This phenomenon is going to go mainstream. So many women in their 20s are arrogant, irresponsible, and holding out marriage for men for a good ten years that come a few more years they will be entering their 30s unmarried. Then they will be desperate and will bring the example of Khadijah to emotionally blackmail guys into marrying them when it is similar guys they rejected in their 20s which have now somehow become suitable.
Khadijah was a nice woman who wasn’t cold hearted and did not hold out all during her 20s because she couldn’t find someone who she did not click with or did not find the spark or did not find chemistry. Khadijah was somebody who did not find the prophet later marrying more wives, one of which was a lot younger than him.
How many women who shout out the example of Khadijah will meet her in her good manners, compassion and sharing her husband with other women a lot younger than him?
I rest my case. Cherry picking good examples from Islam for your own good and not telling the whole story selfish, corrupt and shows a rotten personality.
Mohammed
August 29, 2009 at 6:05 pm
Mohammed ( August 29, 2009 at 6:05 pm),
What a childish response. You should always wish the best for your Sister/Brother, it is part of our faith.
Even if what you claim is true, parents & society have a part to blame. And sins should not hold a person back, otherwise no one would move forward. If she made a mistake so what; she still has every right to seek marriage and her perceived errors should not hold her back.
Also slight correction. Mohammed (SAW) did not marry anyone beside Khadijah (RA). Only after her death did he marry again.
You are doing nothing but harm. You should correct your views. We should be forgiving, and don’t hold a personal grudge on all sisters. Don’t be a male equivalent of a feminist.
As to Zeba article.
Dating is generally considered haram unless supervised (according to some).
And dating and marriage outside Islam is without a doubt a “NO NO” for women. Islam is clear on such matters. Men are only allowed to marry from the people of the book. Both men & women are finding it difficult due to changing in desires and expectations, and also the advent of feminism, industrialisation. Our parents had it easier.
Adam
September 22, 2009 at 1:32 am
I think this is a wonderful article. I am 35 and haven’t married. I didn’t get married in my 20′s and still have hesitation now. However, it was never because I was arrogant. It was actually because my parents had a horrible marriage and it was difficult being a product of that type of environment. I didn’t want that kind of life for myself and nor any potential kids I might have had. So there are many reasons why a person doesn’t get married.
Also, it is so difficult to find decent Muslim partners in America. As Adam^^ pointed out, we are not supposed to date and be with non-Muslim partners. The guys our elders think we should be with, just turn out to be putting on a show to seem decent when in fact they are very much the opposite. Not being able to date them, makes it hard. Western society doesn’t understand this concept, they think you are some kind of freak for not having a boyfriend or dating someone. I am embarrassed to go on the dating sites and even on Facebook to advertise myself because the kind of guy I would want wouldn’t want his future wife to be on those sites even though I have tried this. Please forgive me, I don’t mean to insult anyone who uses those sites because that is norm now. It just wasn’t my thing and was very uncomfortable for me. I actually know many Muslim men and women past their thirties who are not married. There is one woman in her 70’s and still not married. We don’t know what is meant for us. Even though it gets lonely sometimes and you feel like an oddity to not be married and over 30, it still might be easier that being married to an abusive and disrespectful partner. Despite my hesitation and fear, I still hope one day all of us that do want to get married can find decent Muslim partners.
Maleenah
September 2, 2011 at 4:02 am
Assalamu alaikum
I cannot help but agree with you.
Although I would use such harsh words as you have used and try not to hurt someone but trust me this is the case. I am a guy who is approaching late 20s. and it is so difficult to get married to someone just average as well. I am on a work visa in England and am a bit short 5 5′ to be exact. Trust me I have had so many rejections that I just cant be bothered any more. There are girls who just thought I was marrying to get their citizenship!! Others bluntly said they just want someone tall around 6 ft, ironically they themselves were under 5 5′! Then there are those who just chat with you some days and as soon as they see your picture, (I am alhamdulillah good looking but no Brad Pit) they are like we are not compatible! and these are our hijabi loving sisters who use inshaAllah and mashaAllah in their every sentence.
I dont blame these sisters either, They have been brought up in Westerns societies influenced heavily with MTV Music and pornography, no matter how hard their parents tried. They got exposed to these things outside their homes and have since been struggling with their Muslims identity in Western World.
During 20s they just think that this ordinary guy is not enough for them, they should wait for their prince who will come from Hollywood! They keep rejecting men not ever thinking about Islam or their feelings but being only self centred and when they reach 30s, they then suddenly realize that they will end up singles for the rest of their lives but now they realize that tables have turned and justice is served!
May Allah give hidayah to these women to actually accept the men who propose to them during their 20s because this is such an important part of deen to lower the gaze and guard chastity inshaAllah. Ameen! Parents should also play a driving role in this.
Concerned Muslim Brother
January 22, 2012 at 7:18 pm
*Although I would *NOT* use such harsh words….
Concerned Muslim Brother
January 22, 2012 at 7:23 pm
To Mohammad: Dude, you sound jilted and for good reason. Those girls aren’t being picky, you’re just turning them off with your judgmental attitude.
I am a professional woman still finishing up her degree and really did not even have time to think about marriage until I hit the 30 mark. Now it has become quite an issue. I think this is a good example to those who are younger to act a little sooner. But as others have pointed out, everything happens for a reason. There is trouble with marriage as well. For me, it is really to have a couple of kids, that would be nice.
Insallah the best to all.
Najia
October 5, 2009 at 11:30 pm
[...] [...]
“Contemporary Muslim Woman” Series: Over 30 and Unmarried – Breaking a StalematePlease stop ignoring me, and many others like me. I am part of a growing population of single women over 35 in our community « MUSLIMS786MALAYSIA ONLINE
November 22, 2009 at 2:37 am
Hi! I want to say thanks for an interesting site about a subject I have had an interest in for a long time now. I have been lurking and reading the posts avidly so just wanted to express my thanks for providing me with some very good reading material. I look forward to more, and taking a more active part in the discussions here.
Betty
March 17, 2010 at 10:07 am
As someone who once reached out to Zeba and numerous other 35+ single Muslim women, through one of the matrimonial sites a long time ago, I believe that her post is very one sided and self-serving. The author would like us to sympathize with her and has concocted a strong case for that. The reality, however, is quite different.
We see an exponential rise in almost 40 single Muslim women because of, not of lack of availability of suitable suitors, but their arrogance. These women wanted it all when they were in their 20s – money, looks, bragging rights. Even Brad Pitt would have gotten rejected by 50+% of them, if he didn’t have money or fame. Their girlfriends kept telling each not to “settle”, keep looking for the bigger better deal, make sure that the guy is a doctor/lawyer/ivy MBA, don’t marry anyone who doesn’t propose with a 15k engagement ring, etc. All the while, these women believed that they will forever stay young and beautiful and hence, feel entitled to money, looks, bragging rights. 10 years fast forward, we have many Zebas, some never got married, some did but got divorced.
As an average looking, highly educated, professional, non-drinking, non-smoking, non-gambling, guy, I was rejected by countless women because of lack of good looks, lack of exciting personality, lack of spark and because I chose to drive a sensible Honda versus a flashy BMW. It was a long, painful journey that I had to go through to find my wife who married me, not because of my money or lack of looks, but because she knew I would lover her and treat her with kindness.
I have moved on, but this post brought back not-so-fond memories from my past, so I thought I’d set the record straight. And please forgive me if I don’t shed any tears at this sob story.
This is just the case of chicken coming home to roost.
BBman
April 14, 2010 at 2:28 am
give me a break! are you serious? really we’re that shallow and judgemental that you think we all held out so as not to “settle?” maybe there aren’t enough people in a community to meet. is it so wrong to be focused on a career? i’m a doctor, and you know what, helping others has been my main goal. NEVER and i mean NEVER have i ever judged a potential suitor for not being “rich” enough or “tall” enough or “fair” enough etc etc etc. but can i tell you how many of them judged me on being too fat or too dark or too educated or whatever (and trust me i’m just like any other normal looking Muslim girl, a fairly nice looking and kind hearted individual). really so you’re basically saying that all i did was be shallow LIKE YOU MEN and YOUR MOTHERS to hold out? really? REALLY? wow, that is childish and immature and really just downright rude. didn’t anyone give you any manners on how to treat women. when guys like you and Scooby and Mohammed up there decide to generalize us and lump us together in to stereotypical format it’s obvious that your eyes and hearts and minds are definitely closed. read some Qur’an and learn how not to judge other people and to respect women, maybe then you’ll get a clue. actually no wait a minute, people who are vapid and shallow and stereotypically senseless like you guys won’t get a clue. and you know what, that’s the kind of guy i wouldn’t want to marry. not the one who’s not rich enough or tall enough or smart enough or blah blah blah, but the one who is just downright unintelligent and has such a low opinion of others that they can debase someone for no reason at all. there might be free speech, but you know what, sometimes you guys need to be nonjudgemental and keep your mouths shut. and for the record, i don’t need to find a doctor to marry because i already am one. so thanks for making me out to be a shallow human being. thanks for making me out to be concerned with the material, especially when Islam emphasizes NOT being concerned with the material, thanks for assuming i’m as vapid when i dedicate my time and caring to doing something positive, instead of sitting around and complaining that every potential suitor is this and this and that and that. sorry but i haven’t got the time, the heart, or the energy to judge another human being like that. and you know what, y’all could probably learn how to shed a tear or two. thanks for writing honest words Zeba. too bad the Muslim men in our community don’t have the wherewithal to understand, read, or respect an article like this. i pity all your wives. learn the word respect, buddy. that’s what separates me from you. and that’s what separates the real men from the boys.
just a girl
July 24, 2010 at 12:40 am
Just a Girl,
Your quotes …
” …really so you’re basically saying that all i did was be shallow LIKE YOU MEN and YOUR MOTHERS to hold out? really? REALLY? wow, that is childish and immature and really just downright rude. didn’t anyone give you any manners on how to treat women… ”
” …too bad the Muslim men in our community don’t have the wherewithal to understand, read, or respect an article like this. i pity all your wives. learn the word respect, buddy. that’s what separates me from you. and that’s what separates the real men from the boys…”
Which planet are you on? Extremely insulting, degrading and inhuman post. BBMan, explained what he experienced and allmost all guys share his experience. Why are you insulting, finger pointing and name calling? You need to grow up. Post like this just go to show that women who are ugly from the outside are also extremely ugly, disrespectful and packed with men hate from the inside. That’s what separates men haters from the men lovers. I am not surprised you are single and with an attitude of men hate, you will continue to remain single.
Kashif
September 22, 2010 at 6:49 pm
You go, just a girl! We single gals should NEVER let anyone get us down!
knightleyemma
January 31, 2011 at 8:16 pm
Finding the right marriage partner has become quite a task especially for us that are living in the US. We have to balance our own needs with those with our parents, which almost always tend to be different. With that being said, we need to also stay within Islamic boundaries and balance all these other cross cultural things that are actually trivial at the end of the day. I have been looking for “mrs. right” for 8 years and I am 38 now, and no luck. I have tried meeting people through my parents, family, friends, online matrimonials, and no luck. Most of the matrimonial websites are just a waste of money. I have recently joined http://www.misterNmisses.com because it’s 100% free and based here in the USA so we’ll see how that goes. But honestly, I dont know what to do anymore.
zain
October 12, 2010 at 5:13 pm
May Allah help all single sisters caught up in this mire to find good husbands Amin. I am guilty of demanding my rights and stipulations from a suitor who approached me when I was 24. Its too late for regrets, rather I see my experience as a learning curve. I was young, immature and I guess arrogant, only thinking of my educaton and career. But this was also spurred on by my mother’s violent marriage to my father and subsequent divorce. This left a devestating affect on me and totally skewed my views about men and marriage. I left researching the true concept of marriage in Islam much to late and as a result, I have become one of thousands of women who have to endure the stigma of being 30 and single. I pray to Allah that I have not been cast outside the marriage circle because I took men and marriage for granted. I urge all sisters in their 20′s to marry first and postpone their career until settled with their half in this dunya. Being 30 is no fun. It simply means you’re lonely most of the time, you have no one to share your life and efforts with and you can only wish that certain brothers who you know of or see could see beyond your age. Im young at heart but no chance to prove it. I hang between real fear and real hope in Allah that my predicament will be relieved. Sisters please pray for me and yourselves. I have been truly humbled by my experience and would not wish my pain upon another younger sister.
hope in Allah
April 28, 2011 at 2:16 pm
Hope in Allah, Ameen
Maleenah
September 2, 2011 at 4:11 am
Dear All, i would like to add that all women are not arrogant but circumstances are such that proposals don’t come…it is either that they have limited friend circle in a different country wer they r settled, culture wer boys r allowed to choose life partner but a girl cannot.
i would say maybe Allah has better plans. Right time would come InshAllah.
Discover
July 12, 2011 at 9:22 pm
I have two sisters who are nearly, ahem, 40. They were held up in a queue of older siblings who were also not married. The mistake was not theirs but fearful parents who thought that getting the younger ones married would only make it harder for the older unmarried ones..so marriage in our house had to be done in age order..sad and wrong.
My sisters are both beautiful, still look 20 something, educated, british, have good muslim characters, never had past relationships and yet, through no fault of their own, they never got a look in when suiters would have been available.
I keep telling them, ‘this was decreed for you’. but the reality is, the truth hurts and I feel for them. My sisters have tried to find someone but unfortunately there will always be a girl ten years younger with all the same qualities as above. So my sisters have, through no fault of their own, been placed on the top shelf. Any brothers out there who are interested to give my beautiful sisters a chance, feel free to cantact me on paulsmith17@hotmaildotcodotuk
chocolatecupcake
August 20, 2011 at 6:55 am
The replies left by some of my fellow brothers are indeed sad. This sister just put her ego aside and made a public appeal to the society at large, asking that things change for the better. And it’s sad to see some brothers kicking her while she’s down. It’s not a muslim’s adab to taunt and to feel relief/pleasure in the misfortune of another.
True, women can be picky in their 20s, and true, that some of these single sisters might have waited too long for the right guy to come along, but right at this moment, she isn’t asking some Prince Charming to come off his white horse and take her away. All she’s asking for is a decent man.
Sister Zeba, I realize Allah (swt) has put you in a difficult situation, and it must be hard to hold on to hope. Please keep your iman strong and keep praying to Allah (swt), and inshAllah soon, your situation will get better.
himgrim
August 27, 2011 at 11:02 am
Picky is not the word. Apprehensive is the word.
After growing up and watching my mother being mistreated by my father, with myself being mistreated by my brothers and to round it off; witnessing the horrific mental and physical torture of my brothers wives (by my brothers, father and mother) is enough to put me off marriage for life.
Who wants to find themselves in this same situation- believing all muslim men are like your father and brothers?? Do we women actually have any way of knowing or getting a chance to find out if there are other muslim men out there that arent like this? Your family will say they’re nice but thats what they said about my brothers to my sister in laws and look what happened to them.
So how am I supposed to believe and want to be married to a muslim man? I spent my 20s avoiding all talk of marriage – because I was running scared of ending up with someone like my father/brother!
Now in my 30s I am losing a little of this reluctance after seeing friends marry decent muslim men. So it wanst because ‘they didnt have money’ look good’ etc. It was because I would just like to be able to ‘live’ through my marriage and have kids who wont grow up to believe that men can go out and ‘be men’ whilst women cannot. Modesty applies to both men and women, and yet men seem to ignore applying this to themselves. This is wrong and not written in thre Qu’ran.
I am looking solely for a muslim man my age who will love an respect me for me, our children and himself.
Bhuman
September 7, 2011 at 3:01 am
is that too much to ask for?
Bhuman
September 7, 2011 at 3:03 am
Thank you for writing this. It is comforting to know that there are so many of us.
sameera
September 26, 2011 at 12:23 am
Been there done that ..speaking as a 37 year old who has been looking for a loooong time…
A few issues I have identified is the small pool that we have to chose from – ie muslim (in a non muslim country), some of these men have married ‘back home’ (good riddance I say….) or out of religion (and again). We like every other culture have our rude boys and those still attached to the strings…those that want to marry a ‘professional’ (ie its not enough that they marry a woman who will have and raise their children, cook & cleaner but must also pay for the mortgage)…but the biggest is that they want someone who they feel they can handle…ie has inferior intelligence and will not challange their egos…hence the trips back home…but sometimes even they dont work…much to the annoyance of mother in law…and of course there are those that want to date before any committment is laid down, very Islamic indeed….and the very Islamic ones, may be 38 years old but will still want a younger wife, infact the younger the better…
Certain cultures, which unfortunately identify themselves with being muslim are actually still quite misogynist that is one issue, the other is whereas in the heyday women compromised they dont want to do that anymore…we are independant and we can make that choice – and personally I’d rather be on my own then be with a idiot who thinks he can call me 11am at night (for the first conversation) and for me not to be offended…or the idiot who thinks I will chase him and wont call at all….
And God forbid if a woman is a divorcee or and has a child….good luck honey, because if you aint a virgin your not counted…unless of course he is equally a divorcee….and even then your lucky…
It saddens me to say this but if muslim men acted like muslim men and not egotistical opportunist beings who wanted the ‘best deal’ rather than a partner – there wouldnt be a problem…but theyve not been raised that way….rolling up their trousers and growing a long beard doesnt make a man practicing (even though I hate the usage of that term) the Prophet (PBUH) married older, younger, widowed and divorced…but how many men do we know whose mothers will look at a widow or divorcee for their unmarried son (regardless of how many women hes dated).
We are between a rock and a hard place…we are restricted with our choices because we want to follow our faith and marry muslims..yet the men fail to act like muslim men….
Every generation has its tests may be this is ours……Im just glad Im not tested with food and water and basic human rights MashAllah…I consider myself privileged when looking at the world around me …and at some married women…
Rehaam
October 1, 2011 at 10:54 pm
Salams,
I’m probably coming at this from a different perspective than most, as the convert son of a Muslim father and a Christian mother, who have been married for nearly thirty years and are still very much in love, despite all the strife that Life has thrown at them. I can’t claim to be able to offer a prescription for this dilmena (as I’m not some perfect angel or the Ideal Muslim Man, at that) which has swept across the community, but I can make some observations. For one thing, all this finger-pointing (which shows a lack of self-accoutabilty and hence the lack of maturity amongst the youth of this community) has does nothing to further any attempts at a solution to this problem…it’s only exacerbated it. Secondly, I feel that the sources of this problem run far deeper than Muslimahs have too high of standards or Muslim guys being slackers, loser, or abusive douchebags. Those are merely symptoms of the disease. While we can try and treat these symptoms, like physicians, we must recognize that there is still another agent present, causing the malady. I, for one, have observed a lack of the kind of emotional maturity, empathy, street smarts, drive, and independence in both Muslims and Muslimahs, that honestly, in my opinion, is necessary for one to engage successfully in the search for a spouse. Ultimately, I’m not one to blame the individuals themselves, as they are merely products of their environment, much as I am of mine. This has far more to do with one’s upbringing and the cultural baggage that many of our parents bring to the table, since most of us rely on them to find us a mate. I, as a convert, have had the kinds of life experiences that a lot other Muslims probably never had, including living on my own and working to pay for school (among other things). This may be more of an immigrant Muslim problem, however a lack of these kinds of experiences can lead one to take certain things for granted and to lack the kind of maturity and empathy that would allow one to appreciate less tangible (but certainly very important) qualities in another person, in my opinion. This is something I’ve found lacking amongst this community and that I feel only makes things worse between the genders. Other than that, I’ll have to ponder some more…maybe I can come up with some more things to discuss (which will hopefully contribute to any and all attempts to solve this dilemna).
Wa Salam,
Tempest Desh
P.S.: Any Muslimah who wants to bash me or any decent Muslim guy who takes issue with the whole ‘There ain’t no good Muslim men out there’ stance, should seriously consider taking a ‘How to Spot a Douchebag 101′ course, so to speak. Maybe the elders (who want to run this process of searching for a husband/wife) might care to weigh in on this?
Tempest Desh
October 4, 2011 at 5:43 pm
Salaams to all,
It has been interesting to read the article and the comments. In my view the problem is far deeper than the opinions that have been shared. I also believe that they are very superficial in addressing the issues. Serious problems needs serious and drastic solutions.
I am a muslim married man with kids. I am not sure if this site would allow to discuss polygamy but I am going to make an attempt for good reasons. Not that I practice polygamy. It is best left as individual choice but need to be studied and demands n intellectual discussion for its benefits.
Look. Things happen in life with everybody for different reasons and nobody is in a position to fix them for others or judge others for their situations. Everything is perfect and clear in hindsight. But the fact of the matter is how do we face those problems and move forward.
I have lived (as in spending years) in different societies. From Asia to middle east to US for good number of years and have observed societies closely. I keep interest in Sociology from Islamic point of view. Studied a bit of Ibn Khaldun (not that it gives me authority on anything). Have IT major and worked in IT industry in US. Studied Koran and a bit (not boasting about myself-just trying to show where I am coming from) about Islamic Societies/History.
The question to be asked is Why did Prophet SAW marry multiple wives (practiced polygamy). We will find deep and very strategic answers to this question if we make any attempt to study it seriously from a sociological, psychological, emotional physical and demographic point of view.
The kind of situation that our 30+ sisters are finding themselves in are pretty much the situations that the ladies in those times also faced. Lot of men went to wars and not enough men to marry all the women. Just as today men/women ratios are skewed more towards women. This imbalance was there in the past and will remain in the present and future.
The question is whether our religion provides us with any solution to this problem. It is very painful to see our sisters in such a situation due to whatever reasons of the past. But one reason did play a major role in their decision making and misplaced priorities. That is Feminism. This is a menace that is eating up muslim societies and creating unhealthy families and individuals. There is no denying of the fact that women’s rights must be respected and they have every right to fight for them. But they got carried away and mixed it with women’s emancipation and liberty. Western marketers did play around with their lives and ‘liberated’ them to allow them to buy more cosmetic products. Without teaching them about the other side of the story that there is more to life than just fighting and demanding things all the time. Present day example is to remove the veil from women’s faces in France and market them all sorts of cosmetic products. (I am not for or against head to toe veil. I respect their choice) But one question I would like to ask our 30+ sisters at this stage of their life. No I am not trying to exploit their situation and do not get me wrong either. I am not proposing polygamy either. As everybody has free will and I am totally for exercising one’s free will.
The question is, would the sisters accept polygamy more than brothers? Now please do not label me anything. I am just having an intellectual discussion for the merits and demerits of polygamy in today’s challenging world we live in.
I know the answer would be a resounding NO. I think here lies the crux of the matter.
Being aware of the fact that there are skewed men/women ratios. Being aware that there are not so many intellectual or ‘qualified’ (emotionally, intellectually, physically etc etc…) men around. But there are lot of decent men around who are successful in their lives and who may be qualified to have second wives.
This question is two fold. It is posed to married sisters more than the unmarried sisters. Are the married sisters willing to share their husbands and when married, are the 30 + sisters willing to share their husbands with other sisters? And Men need to be careful with this idea. If they are not able handle and do justice, they might end up ruining at least three lives.
If one analyses these questions, I think we can make some progress.. Today’s sisters, both married and unmarried, are not realizing the strategic implications of this matter and nor are the brothers. None of us are thinking from a long term point of view or from daily life point of view.
Here are the implications.
How many times have we come across married couples who are not happy with each other for whatever reasons but they still hang around due to societal pressures. Which I would say is a blessing. I denounce divorce strongly. This is the most hated thing in front of Allah SWT. And there is good amount of wisdom behind it for those who reflect on the consequences on the kids, the couple and the society in general. At the same time how many times we heard of stories of these kind of men/women looking for/having extra marital affairs. We may try to deny it and may be a taboo topic but the reality speaks volumes. Both the partners want an out but still for whatever reason are stuck together. What about them engaging in prostitution without each other’s knowledge obviously, just to get out of the boredom of life, which is inevitable when two people don’t like each other. Today’s modern societies offer lot of exits for all the options. This is a very serious issue considering how much we are exposed today to sleazy marketing from every angle. I do not deny the fact the there should be self control. But the fact is also that these things are happening to a great extent in the Muslim societies.
Now coming to 30+ sisters. Sisters, mashallah you are talented, career oriented, understanding, intellectual and still productive(No. eggs don’t dry up after 30!!). Now how come you do not understand and work with the fact that you are getting older. You would need company in old age. And as human beings we have security, physiological and emotional needs. And above all we have a religious duty to have a family to avoid all those problems that are discussed about loneliness, falling for shaitan’s whisperings and other needs. No matter how much we deny, you are going to face these realities. Are we denying these facts. When you are single, you know about the whisperings I am talking about. Forget about the culture. Culture is not and will not help you. You are the culture. What solution you come up with becomes culture. Parents lived their culture and they performed as per their culture. Now it is time for you to define your culture within Islamic boundaries and not old cultural boundaries.
So would it be possible for you to compromise a little bit, eat up your pride. If not for anything or anybody’s sake but for Allah SWT sake you accept a proposal from a married man or vice versa who will take care of you and whom you will support in return. Can you imagine the harmony that we can bring in the society due to this. Married sisters, this is a very important question for you. You have to answer this question very courageously and honestly. What would you have done if you were in the other sister’s place. Empathy is the need of the hour I think. Here is a clue. You can surprise and make your husband very happy and proud by demonstrating your open/broad mindedness. There is the need for security for you. But communication will sort it out. I agree it is double edged sword. But then there is the educated and intellectual 30 + sister who can help put things in balance with your support. AS long as both the sisters don’t cheat each other and create problems for the man, I think the man will not have any issues. Right brothers?
The long term implication of not adopting this solution is that the demographic shift that we are going to witness in about 20-30 years due to low regeneration among Muslims is going to quite worrying. This is due to the fact that the ratio of divorced and single women is increasing by the day all over the world among Muslims. It will take detailed study to actually come out with numbers. But general observations and readings are not showing any positive signs. Unfortunately more Muslim women can be found in non-muslim families later on just because they could not find more ‘qualified’ men. If you are more qualified than a man, then the man should be strong to accept that and consider that his strength that he can attract a more qualified lady to be his wife. Do we have any idea as to why India’s population is growing at such a high rate? 30-40 years back Muslims were the target of the propaganda that we are polygamous and womanizing. Hence Muslim men have taken this argument to heart and stopped polygamy to a great extent (rarely heard now a days). But guess who is practicing polygamy unofficially? Hindus. Their wives come out of the woods to claim properties once the Hindu men die. They even marry without the knowledge of their wives. There are plenty of examples of these cases. I agree they are not in majority (God save us if these cases were in majority!!)
The short term implications are that Muslim women are marrying non-muslim men (as in Gujarat and other states of India) because they are more qualified than Muslim men. But nobody addresses the fact that Muslim men are being systematically denied higher education by the government but whereas muslim women are being encouraged to pursue and are being admitted to the institutions of higher education. Who do we think they are going to interact with intellectually and attracted towards in the absence of Muslim men at these institutions. Naturally non-muslim men. And why do we see so much propaganda about the ‘cerning situation’ of Muslim women societies in the western media and not the econimic situation of Muslim Men? Now do we see any correlation between lack of intellectual Muslim men and higher number of qualified muslim women. Do we also see the fact that it is an institutional policy.
In Malaysia, there is similar problem. More women are getting higher education than men. In US same problem. Women are even more career oriented. So the question is where are we heading with this problem.
Now there is no denying the fact that Muslim men need to work harder and become more responsible. But when the state policies come in the way, they also become more helpless. Muslim men also need to eat up their ego and accept this fact of imbalance in education and catch up with them or accept and respect them for who they are. It is easier said than done for a man to overlook their ego. I request sisters to give special attention to this quality of man since that is how Allah has made him. No matter how much feminists talk about this, they cannot change these natural properties of men. Sisters are more understanding and humble and I am pretty sure they can accommodate this aspect of man. If they do, they will be rewarded the most as their husbands will be the first ones to pray for their wives’ forgiveness to Allah SWT.
Here I see opportunity for both the sexes to work together for a higher cause which is to promote Islam through happy and cordial families.
With regard to this point, is it worse for women to stay single for their whole life or support a man with a family and gain happiness. The benefits I see are: security (social, physical, financial, etc) comfort of a home. The ways this can happen is if a 30 + sister gets married to an already married w/ family man. There need not be any antagonism between the two ladies of the man, provided they understand the bigger picture. This will help divert man’s attention from one to the other. He/She will not have to look outside the family for an affair. As per the nature of the man (and woman), both will get breaks at appropriate times from monotonous lives and will act as a good distraction tools for everybody. If sisters love each other and help the man in his affairs, do you think the man will not appreciate and love it. He will shower more love than you would imagine. The men will carry on the affairs of the outside world while women support them inside the house with their lovely skills. Men will also learn from women what they are lacking in.
As far as the western societies are concerned(or for that matter, even today’s eastern societies), I would not like to go into the details of the filth they are spreading in the other parts of the world since they are scared of the laws in their own countries if they are caught red handed. Just check out the places in Thailand, Phillipines, carribean Islands. There are various types of tourisms propping up for single ladies and men. I am sure and hope we are safe from this evil. And precisely to avoid this evil and to take care of our needs, the above discussed concept is prescribed to us.
We fall into the propaganda of the west about polygamy being equivalent to womanizing. But that is not true at all when carried out with responsibility I believe. We need to focus on the wisdom of the prescription by Allah SWT. There lies our answer to the problem. But not believe in the western jingoism. It is just that. Propaganda. By definition it is falsehood propagated to mislead people to achieve their goals, to deceive people. So have we become so un-intelligent to not decipher the truth from the falsehood. Maybe that is where we need to start by re-affirming our faith in Allah SWT and HIS book and understand the wisdom in HIS commandments for us and only for us.
Why have we become our own enemies and are readily insulting our own intellect. If anything, HIS message is to enhance our intellect by challenging us to go beyond the superficiality of this material life and find real solutions to real problems through reflection and understanding the wisdom in his messages. Do we not want to rise up to HIS challenge. There is a reason why we humans are called best of HIS creations. It is because we can adapt to any situation, use our rational mind and decipher the truth from falsehood.
The problem seems to be the intellectual deficit in the Muslim men and women for the last century. We have lost our way when we started to stop looking for wisdom and paying more attention to the sound bytes of the western media and so called scholars. We have failed to identify real scholars.
We have also lost our way when we started breaking our nuclear families. There used to be a concept of joint families and the community raising the kids together. This concept helped families from breaking apart as their used to be emotional and moral support outside the immediate family to help the couple stay together and resolve their issues with subtlety. Which is contrasted in the west today by the so called family counselors whose own families are in a mess. How can a family counselor understand a couple’s issues in an hour or few hours of counseling when they could not figure out living together. How can FC know them so well in few hours as to know what the idiosyncrasies of their relationship are without spending few months with them in close contact. This is where the joint families used to play a role in preventing the divorces. They didn’t used to hand out judgement for the couple to get separated. Most of the time FCs are creating more problems for the couple than solving them. Muslim Divorce rate among the newly married has grown astonishingly.
As per some estimates the divorce rate among the muslims in US is close to 50%. The questions is what is going on. Where are the things going wrong.
The problems could be attributed to the following factors in the West at least , impacting the Muslim families
1. Changing social environment
2. Parental lack of understanding of their children’s environment
3. Major disconnect of the parents and the children’s understanding of each other’s backgrounds due to very different forms of social exposure and education
4. Refusal of parents to let the children be who they are and imposition of their will without understanding their psychology
5. Lack of understanding of psychological patterns evolved due to the brought up and education in the west.
6. Major emphasis on the culture.
7. Lack of education in Islamic concept of marriage, the wisdom behind it and long term implications of marriage and divorce.
8. Lack of education in the roles and responsibilities of each spouse towards the other beyond the physical attractions and needs.
9. Lack of education in how to nurture relationships and develop care for each other beyond the me and mine attitudes.
10. Women not understanding to the full extent the men’s psychology and vice versa.
11. Lack of women’s attitude towards men’s role as bread winners and the impact on their ego for having been put into a non-earning position due to job losses
12. women competing with men in the house for leadership of the family leading to disrespect of the men and hurting of their ego.
13. Women not playing the natural role of caretakers of husband and kids when they get distracted and over-emphasise on their careers.
14. Lack of fair and open communication among the family members
When we consider the above list and many more reasons we can realize that the times have changed and we have to adjust accordingly. Muslim men and Women are in it together and we have to work together to make this beautiful institution of marriage work. We have to understand the current issues affecting the community for the greater good of the community and make things work rather than break them. It takes a whole village to raise a child but one to break one. Good things come in life with hard work. When we get married we work hard for that. When we are on the verge of breaking, it does not take much effort. That is where the real hard work starts to keep it together. Don’t take the easy path out. Instead of breaking consider the above discussed alternative and Allah SWT works in mysterious ways. Inshallah things might just start working out for you. Or any other way that works for you besides breaking up.
One of the Russian Generals during the first Afghan War said that in order to destroy any society, attack the women first. By that he meant either culturally, emotionally, psychologically and physically if need be. If we understand this statement we would also understand the significant role that a woman has in any society. The west is trying hard to remove the veil of the Muslim Woman and put it on the Quran. But please do not fail your own intellect and understand the logic behind it and realize that they want you to be intellectually in deficit so that you can continue identifying yourself with their material products. Do not become a tool of their commercialism. You are much smarter then them.
Another anecdotal example of the significant role Muslim women played in Iraq. When the mongols invaded Baghdad and destroyed everything that came in their way and raised a mountain out of human skuls, they also settled down in Baghdad and married local women. Even though they were non muslims, their later generation became muslim and ruled Baghdad as Muslim rulers again. How could this have happened? It was the Muslim women they married and settled with that raised the next generation of strong Muslims kids who later became the rulers of the country. This could happen only because the Muslims Girls and women were very well educated and grounded in the Islamic learning.
Here is a lesson for Muslim men as well. Do not mis-treat our sisters for it is they who hold the key to the future of Islam and becomes our responsibility to protect them from every sort of harm coming their way without getting emotional about it.
This is just an opinion but not a promotion of any type of lifestyle. To each their own.
Joe
October 12, 2011 at 3:51 am
This is what happens when polygamy is all but banned. You gave an example of the Prophet marrying all those different type of women but didn’t observe that he was married to more than one.
John
October 26, 2011 at 9:51 pm
Yes, I think polygamy is one of the answers….quality is better than quantity however,
1) there is stigma attached to it…
2) men may not necessarily able to afford 2 households (one is a struggle for most couples) however, you do have
financially indepandant women that may voluntarily want to contribute (as many wives in the UK do anyway)
3) married women don’t have the emotional capacity or community commitment ie ability to sacrifice a little to
allow another to gain alot….
In reference to my earlier post…and in response to:
‘I, for one, have observed a lack of the kind of emotional maturity, empathy, street smarts, drive, and independence in both Muslims and Muslimahs…I, as a convert, have had the kinds of life experiences that a lot other Muslims probably never had, including living on my own and working to pay for school (among other things)’. Tempesh Desh
And how could I forget the ‘superior’ convert…?
Rehaam
November 6, 2011 at 4:42 pm
Women over 35 are common on Muslim Matrimonials so much so are the men over 35. The problem lies with the men wanting to settle with not women their age but 10-15 years younger.
I know we have an expensive price tag of free! 100% Free!
Habibi Matrimonials
December 3, 2011 at 3:15 am
I’m a 50 year old Pakistani and lived most of my life in the UK having had 1 arranged marraige failed and a second relationship wih no life left in it and suffered a stroke spells the end of life for mr so being sad bored and unhappy I went to the Internet for hope and help searching through google I came across an article by zeba Iqbal that made me smile men are not the only ones to suffer being 50 despite my illness I feel I have so much romance love and affection to offer, at my age I’m not looking for someone slim and petite just someone who has better looking personality then her looks as zeba says I have registered on those matrimonial sites without a picture simply from the point of my friends seeing me and branding me a Loser, I’m not a bad looking guy I have a good sense of humor but how do you draw a picture of yourself with words? I guess writing this and sharing it with the world has has made me feel good.
Hussain
January 13, 2012 at 4:16 pm