The argument suggests that single Muslims – who are oh-so obviously talking about sex – are not getting married so they can too start doing it instead of talking about it?! In addition, it stereotypes sexuality as a vulnerable notion in marriage – which may not be the case among those confident of their sexuality. Also, the suggested solution to the problem – as unfortunately Muslims bathed in liberalism have done time and time again – is fixated upon individualism – that the individual should seek out marriage “more aggressively”. Well, I guess modernity is defined as the age of the individual – which is why now, more than ever, we need educated, articulate, ethical, passionate, thinking Muslims to continue a discourse that is outside the square of the modern Western liberal paradigm.

What needs to be discussed is the sociological factors that come into play in the Muslim Ummah today. Whether we like it or not – our societies are overtly sexualised through various mediums and even our cultural definition of aesthetics is entrenched in sex and sexuality, in particularly where the institution of marriage has an ontological departure from the notion of sex and sexuality which theoretically does not in Islam. While the article mentions that sex is only after marriage in Islam, the solution is “get ur @ss up n hurrah n get hitched!!” While sex influences from pubescent years (probably even earlier to the Nintendo Wii generation), the concept of marriage is continually postponed for material reasons, where the society (includes cultural factors, family factors, brides asking for too much $$, husband being less academically qualified than the wife, etc) makes it extremely difficult to be married. This is where Muslims need to think outside the square – where Usul need to take precedent in determining what is acceptable in society and what changes are required. In effect, instead of individual – the pivotal socio-communal changes as Dr. Sherman Jackson refers to when supporting issues like conducting nikah at a much earlier age while continuing to study should be considered. This would mean understanding the age of maturity according to the way usul considers – as a way of conducting marriage – or at least allowing people to be sexually active in a younger age, in order to overcome the problems of pornography and zina.

Through shallow discussions, it does not help the community nor does it bring about any light. While Islam has a framework for sexuality, we continually seem to discuss the issues far away from the tradition, rather than within. A typical example is when the legitimacy of polygyny is condemned as some sort of disgusting sin! One does not able to see the freedom of a society that does not condemn polygyny (and I ain’t talking about sexual freedom either). Yes muslims have all sorts of problems with many things – and yes there is a double standard against women. As a Muslim guy it is sad to see that so many Muslim – guys and girls are entrenched in zina/pornopraphy, etc. Having said that, without hopefully taken out of context by readers, Islam is an erotic religion where sex is not taboo. It is only when we see that it is being practiced openly, where the institution of marriage is much easier to attain to, where single mothers are remarried and do not carry a stigma, where polygyny is not denigrated etc. will we see the doors of blessings open up in our society – not my words, but that of Dr. Umar F Abdallah.

Being similar to your husband in sexual wants and needs, willing to enjoy it together, including the risque parts is crucial, and best marriages are those that are sexually satisfied for both parties. After all, it’s you he loves and wants to do everything with, and I love him the same.

My advice to any virgin girls out there would be to figure out your wants and sexual needs with your body well enough, and you don’t need to have sex with someone else to do this — so there isn’t a ‘void’ after you get married in your marriage where you guys aren’t compatible. After marriage communication is the most important part, express the wants and needs so he reciprocates with sharing his wants and needs — and hopefully there wouldn’t be much to compromise on since he’d be just excited to have someone who is so sexually open and honest, and knows what she wants.