“Muslim Women Should NOT Be Able to Marry Non-Muslim Men”: The Goatmilk Debates


THE GOATMILK DEBATES” will be an ongoing series featuring two debaters tackling an interesting or controversial question in a unique, irreverent manner.

Each debater makes their opening argument. They can elect to post a rebuttal.

The winner will be decided by the online audience and judged according to the strength of their argument.

The motion: “Muslim Women Should Be Able to Marry Non-Muslim Men”

For the motion: Nadia S. Mohammad [See her article here] and May Alhassen

Against the motion: Sister Soul and Mahdi Ahmad

AGAINST THE MOTION: “Marriage Issues” – SISTER SOUL

I am not a legal scholar and I have not researched the legal aspects of the issue of Muslim women marrying non-Muslim men. To me, the essential issue in looking at this particular issue or others that “progressive” Muslims tend to discuss is whether “Islam” allows it or not – not whether we think it should be allowed or not. What we want is too tempting in this kind of topic and can bias our interpretations of our religion, and of course what each person wants can and does vary.

How do we decide what our religion says? This of course involves figuring out what “Islam” is and what it allows, which leads us to the Qur’an, sunnah, shari’ah and on and on. Certainly we’d want to look at the Qur’an, but even then we need to figure out how to understand it. Some verses we tend to say refer to a specific context and yet some we say refer to all times and all places. How do we decide which verses are which? And what about the sunnah, how do we use it when it is completely immersed in a specific context? Same with shari’ah. What this all gets at is methodology—coming up with one, being consistent with it and figuring out how it should mix with what we want (if at all). Now I’d like to set aside the legal issues and bring up others, while trying to come up with alternative solutions.

Why are we interested in this issue? If we are interested purely as a legal exercise, then we need to engage in a legal discussion, which this is not. I suspect that we are interested in the issue as a solution to a problem. That problem is that Muslims are having a hard time finding fellow Muslims in America to marry. I want to explore this topic now.

1) A crucial point that cannot be over-emphasized is the importance of our communities in helping people get married. Families need to be as supportive as possible when their children have found a potential spouse. Instead of disapproving of someone because they are not of the same culture, for example, families should be happy that their child wants to marry a Muslim. This is a message that parents need to hear from their imams.

At the same time, we need to develop mechanisms within our communities to help people get married. The health and vibrancy of our communities can play a crucial role in this. If I know few Muslim men and interactions with them are uncomfortable, after a few years I might become understandably frustrated with the process of meeting Muslims. This is where the community should help. A vibrant community with a variety of intelligent lectures, activities, community service, etc. would be a great place for people to get to know each other. In addition, communities can provide more obvious ways for people to meet—special events, matchmaking services, etc.

2) Widening the circle can also be helpful. If I am possibly willing to widen my circle of candidates—the people I would consider for marriage—beyond my religion, why not expand it in other ways instead, such as age, culture, divorced, etc? Similarly, we can expand our methods of looking for someone by becoming more involved and more active in our community. If we don’t like events that our community offers, we can help organize ones that we are passionate about. We can also use online methods like EHarmony to get to know people; Zahra Billoo wrote about her experiences with this in a recent article.[1]

3) Sometimes it’s tempting to use “love” as an excuse to do a variety of things that it’s probably better not to do. Linked to this is the idea of choosing who you fall in love with. Can we choose who we fall in love with? If we put it in our minds that something is not allowed, can we more easily consciously or subconsciously avoid it?

4) I wonder how much of the issue is really about people’s priorities. If someone is concerned about their faith and raising potential children as Muslims, would they be more eager to marry someone of their own faith, especially since there are already so many challenges in raising our children as Muslims?

5) Instead of trying to make something allowed that has been recognized as prohibited for long, what if we instead avoid something that is allowed—Muslim men marrying non-Muslim women. Probably ten or more years ago, I heard a Muslim leader talk about the importance in America of Muslim men marrying Muslim women only. One point he made was that it would make it more difficult for Muslim women to get married in the future, if Muslim men married non-Muslim women. I think he may have been proven to be right.

6) What if the Muslim woman asks the man to become a Muslim. Would this be insincere, or could it be a way for the man to show that he is at least willing to follow the letter of the law, even if not the spirit?

All of this is not to sound unsympathetic or to blame people for marrying non-Muslims. Everyone has their own story, they make their own choices and I pray that Allah blesses them in them. Rather, I am exploring various issues that I think underlie the initial topic of Muslim women marrying non-Muslim men. Still, the most essential and most important element in this discussion is not my opinion or desire, but rather the development and application of a methodology to discuss our legal issues from an informed and a culturally-relevant perspective.


[1] See: “EHarmony: A Wife’s Perspective,”  http://www.altmuslimah.com/a/b/print/3880/.

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59 thoughts on ““Muslim Women Should NOT Be Able to Marry Non-Muslim Men”: The Goatmilk Debates

  1. I like the way that you approached this. I think this may be the bigger problem (the inability to find a suitable Muslim husband). Whether or not Muslim women should or should not be allowed to marry non-Muslims is neither here nor there as we say in the South, but what needs to be fixed is the situation that causes Muslim women to consider marrying or to want to marry non-Muslims. The problem is that in many local communities, you’re right, there are no activities, initiatives, etc. that are attempting to help sisters find a Muslim spouse. And not that I am suggesting sisters lower their standards, but perhaps some sisters have too many outrageous qualifications for a potential spouse. I’m just sayin’. Additionally, you could have mentioned (related to issue #2) is for Muslim parents to stop being jerks and “allow” their children to marry outside of their culture, race, ethnicity, village, etc. It’s ridiculous. A sister can be willing to marry who she wants, but it makes it very difficult if her or his parents object due to the fact that, for example, she is Somali and he is Bengali (or whatever the case may be). I think it’s important for people to throw out backwards ideas and practices of, for example, allowing only a marriage to someone of a certain race, thinking that converts are not worth marrying, or choosing a spouse for one’s child and not giving him/her any choice or say in the matter.

    • these are all interesting points. As a single muslim woman in her early 40s who never really had a chance at marriage because of lack of “proposals”, I think the issues are 3-fold: 1. Parents immigrated to North America and brought their cultural traditions with them. 2. The author is right, parents and the community always condoned their muslims’ sons’ wishes to date and marry non-muslim women, leaving a vacuum for the rest of us. 3. The muslim community at large did nothing constructive to make it easier for us muslim girls to meet and marry muslim men. So, we’ve been left out, unless we want to stand at the border and marry all those fresh immigrants who can barely speak english and who would get along more with our parents than with us.

      Its a sad situation, because i always wanted to get married and have kids. I fell in love with a christian man once, but because of religious issues we were unable to marry. I still think there is something drastically unfair about that…its like I am paying fo my parents’ decision to immigrate to Canada.

      • I’m a 26 year old Canadian woman. Decideding if I should leave my family to start my own. I don’t want to waste anymore time banging againt the hard rock that are my parents. They will never understand. Everytime I question anything about my religion they respond with no explaintion except it’s wrong to question. Blind faith. I have had it with them. We never talk about the issues. We just keep going about our lives ignoring the elephant in the room. Like that will make the problems go away.

    • i will say only that will muslim women want to marry that type guy who’s not accept one to Allah ?
      (Mr Xey) i like your this point. (what needs to be fixed is the situation that causes Muslim women to consider marrying or to want to marry non-Muslims.)
      Now here creates a question that why we negotiate only on Muslim women marriage issue.
      Muslim Women & Men Both cannot Do Marriage non Muslim Men & Women
      This is the law of Qur’an Also Shariya-te-Muhammadi (P.B.U.H)
      If we will run of Islamic laws so we will be do many sacrifice and if we do not do that so how can be beg to Janna t from (ALLAH).

      Islam says that First act me then beg to Heaven from ALLAH.
      This is The Law.

  2. After reading this rebuttal, especially the careful wording of “..has been recognized as prohibited for long,..” I must say that the author has covered a number of points, NONE of which address the main point of why Muslim women should not be allowed to marry non-Muslim men. This leads me to believe the idea that there really is nothing openly expressed anywhere in the Quran to say they cannot.

    Thank you for this!!

    • I agree… But as I said, I do like the points brought up. This is more of a “how to change processes and thought processes to prevent Muslim women from marrying non-Muslim men” essay.

    • She initially expressed that she was not a legal scholar, did not have a full, academic understanding of the technicalities and laws of the religion, pertaining to this issue at least.
      So she approached the argument in a way that was related to her own, personal thoughts and opinions.
      This does not prove in anyway that there is ‘nothing openly expressed anywhere in the Quran’ or Sunnah, or Islamic legal tradition that would prohibit it.

    • Louay,

      2:221 and 60:10 are clear in the prohibition of Muslim women marrying non Muslim men.

      I already wrote a rebuttal and I am waiting on wajahat to post it on his blog.

      • And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe. And a believing slave woman is better than a polytheist, even though she might please you. And do not marry polytheistic men [to your women] until they believe. And a believing slave is better than a polytheist, even though he might please you. Those invite [you] to the Fire, but Allah invites to Paradise and to forgiveness, by His permission. And He makes clear His verses to the people that perhaps they may remember. (2:221 Qur’an)

        The verse clearly mentions that Both Muslim men and women are not allowed to marry Polytheists . If you are using this verse to justify that Women are clearly not allowed to marry non Muslims then you also would have to disagree with verse (5:5 from the Qur’an) that allows men to marry Christian or Jewish women, obviously the Glorious Qur’an cannot contradict itself hence you have to understand the definition of Polytheists.Polytheists believe in more than one god or in many gods, While Islam, Christianity and Judaism are monotheistic faiths, They believe in ONE God and do not worship Idols either.

        O you who have believed, when the believing women come to you as emigrants, examine them. Allah is most knowing as to their faith. And if you know them to be believers, then do not return them to the disbelievers; they are not lawful [wives] for them, nor are they lawful [husbands] for them. But give the disbelievers what they have spent. And there is no blame upon you if you marry them when you have given them their due compensation. And hold not to marriage bonds with disbelieving women, but ask for what you have spent and let them ask for what they have spent. That is the judgement of Allah ; He judges between you. And Allah is Knowing and Wise.(60:10 Qur’an)-

        Also does not prohibit Muslim women to get married to non Muslim men. It only mentions that the men are allowed to marry the believing women. Now if you are equating ‘believing women’ to ‘Muslim women’ then the verse would not continue to say and i quote ‘O you who have believed, when the believing women come to you as emigrants, examine them. Allah is most knowing as to their faith. And if you know them to be believers, then do not return them to the disbelievers; they are not lawful [wives] for them, nor are they lawful [husbands] for them.’ Therefore it’s clear that the ‘believing women’ mentioned are not Muslims but either Christian or Jewish. Since the audience of the Qur’an are mostly male, it doesn’t mean that the verses don’t apply to women too.

  3. You make a great point about applying a consistent methodology. May Alhassan starts her argument by talking about how the scholarly consensus regarding the issue cannot be overlooked. However she ends her argument by completely discarding the scholarly consensus on the definition of a Muslim…Now THAT’S inconsistent!

    • Salaams Umer,

      I’ve wrestled with the stylistic delivery of my points these last couple of days. As I had initially intended for the points to come out as inquisitive, I am disappointed to find that I failed to do so, and have been misread as an over-assuming pseudo-scholar. What I wanted to point out was the ever evolving notion of “Muslim”? What does it mean now, to us, as people who identify as Muslim and how we identify others? And what did it mean during the time of the Prophet (SAW)? What did the word mean during the time of Jesus (SAW)? Abraham? etc. You get my point.
      I was merely attempting to ask, does the “Muslim” we know now, look and sound like the Muslim in the Qu’ran? Is it a timeless or timely notion, or both? I wonder if our concept of “Muslim” is turning into an ethnic one, especially during these highly politicized times when Muslims are being forced into a political identification sparring match.
      Again, I am no scholar of Islamic jurisprudence, the Qu’ran or Islamic history–I was just wondering why certain words in the Qu’ran were placed alongside others and if a consequential significance was attached to it. Yes, I apologize for the presentation of my argument. Upon a second, third, etc, reading, I realized that my points were convoluted when tangled an unintended matter-of-fact tone.

      peace

  4. Why does this website focus on issues of social importance in a multi-cultural society, where those issues have been dealt with before, without considering how other closed communities have dealt with it? I would love to see someone raise the similar problem Jewish women and men face marrying outside their communities.
    Second, what about the issue of genetic heritage? What both debaters fail to mention is the fact that Muslim marriages in, e.g., the UK are predominantly within-the-family. How come neither debater has even attempted to address the issue of inherited predisposition to, say, Huntington’s, or thalassaemia in such closed societies? The utterances of such authorities as imams (on which both debaters have heavily relied) are neither grounded in medicine, nor in sociology, but in individual experience. They are statistically negligible. This debate, therefore, is no more than a bunch of anecdotes strung together, casually employing references to shariah law – as though that makes any difference to the vast majority of Muslims living in the West.
    Intellectual playground? Kids squabbling. So, yeah.

  5. I am a little confused on the rebuttal. May has not addressed the rebuttal from the point of the Quran or Shariah, instead she has given suggestions on how to fix the community dilemma of finding a muslim spouse. I would personally liked to have seen references from the sunnah, Quran and shariah where the it not allowed for the woman to marry a non-muslim man.

  6. This response deals with a lot of idealistic “shoulds” but gets us no where closer to actually answering the question. If I want to get married right now (the basis of the debate topic) I shouldn’t be saddled with what my community does or should do, or what it can do. If I’m to marry right now, there is a specific human being to whom I owe an answer, and asking me to explore other options of divorces, or whatever, is just plain unreasonable.

    There’s more methodology in the other response than there is here.

    Regarding the last point, I’ve seen fatwas from respectable scholars (amjaonline.com) where they end the haram fatwah with the notion that so long as the husband takes the shahada, he’s a muslim, and no one can/should challenge what’s in the heart. This to me is nothing more than a shameless playing with words to allow under legal finagling what they dare not say outwardly. Furthermore, accepting Islam in return for marriage smells bad. Whoever migrated for a woman he wanted to marry will get that for which he migrated, i.e. not Islam. Additionally, there is no forcing in this deen, physical or otherwise.

  7. If we approach marriage in the context of a contract, I think we would come across some pros and cons of marrying non-Muslims–for both Muslim and Muslimah. (By non-Mulsim, I mean those who have not taken shahadah.) I would like more explanation regarding the protection of Muslim women’s rights and property as a benefit of marrying Muslim men. As I understand, the Quran stipulates certain property rights and protections specific to Muslim women. These rights naturally extend into her life via marriage contracts, divorce, and her husband’s death. Therefore another question emerges: Are one of the reasons why scholarly “consensus” states that Muslim women must not marry non-Muslim men because the property rights afforded to women by the Quran will no longer guaranteed to be enforceable if she enters into a marriage contract with a non-Muslim.

  8. Interesting ‘debates’ – however the reality is, how is the Muslim community actually dealing with the marriages that are actually taking place? Different couples deal with it differently, but the overall message that is going out there (and you might want to take note of this) – get your guy to convert. And a lot of these ‘for marriage’ conversions ARE taking place, and out of them, some may well be ‘getting’ into the new religion, but by no means – all of them. A lot depends on the bride’s religiosity, but the bottom line seems to be that everyone knows the conversion is taking place because otherwise the Community will not accept it, there will be trouble if they want to visit bride’s home country where it may become an issue, etc. etc. So overall, many people are becoming well-aware of the dogmatic position of the community with respect to this issue- and it doesn’t really look good for Muslims. Now whether people are interested in this angle or not -I have no idea.

  9. You bring up some very good points. I see that you have focused on “why” we have to even consider these situations of Muslim women marrying non-Muslim men. I have also asked myself that question and I hadn’t even thought about the potential of a “non-muslim” man until recently, based on my experience.

    As a single Muslim woman in her late 20’s, I have been asked by my non-muslim friends and colleagues (often in wonderment) as to why I am still single. Most of the times I had stated the obvious reason that I am looking for someone in my religion. However, as I have gotten older and ‘wiser’ I have wondered whether my decision to wait for a Muslim Mr.Right has been the right one. For example, in college and beyond, I had several non-Muslim men who were interested in me but I declined. At that time, I didn’t think twice about the fact that I got along well with them, they were kind, educated, etc because they were not Muslim.

    Over the years, I have had the pleasure of talking to a few Muslim men for the purpose of marriage. The results have been quite dissapointing. Not only is the community not helping people get married, but there is a attitude problem among a large percentage of Muslim men toward women. I find it especially the case, when an educated independant woman wants to get married. Recently, I came to the realization that I was not alone in my experiences, but that there were a lot of Muslim women in the same boat. My parents did not “wait” to help me and I did not wait to focus on my career. I had been searching for a good Muslim husband who is compatible with me for a few years.

    The issue I have seen is not even about a lack of eligible men. I have seen plently of “eligible” Muslim men. However, unlinke the non-Muslims I have encountered, eligible Muslim men are not as aggressive in pursuing women they are interested in. They are either shy or passive aggressive when it comes to women. Also, if you are not raised in an environment where you are taught to respect women for who they are how are you going to move beyond just looking at superficial elements such as height or skin color?

    The single muslim women that I have met are far from being in-eligible. Many would make good wives and mothers on top of being great people who are doing their best for the community. If Muslim men don’t step up, do you expect us to just sit around and wait? My answer is “No”. At least from my experience, I know that from now on, if a decent, educated person, that i am intellectually and emotionally compatible with comes along, I may even consider someone outside of my religion.

    • i really do see ur point as i feel i have the same issue, i am marshallah well educated and independant confident the proposes i get seem to think i will give up all i have wrked so hard for so i can be a house wife, i am however NOT married to bricks and mortar so cannot marry the family home, id rather it b known as house keeper! i guess im 2 modern for most of the brothers i meet. they are from all walks of life yet when it boils down to it no matter how gangsta or posh etc the brother is they seem to want a mother for the kids and a wife that will stay at home, im sorry i just cant do that. i have had a few requests to be a co-wife and sometimes i think maybe i should there seem to be so few brothers out there that i like or even get to meet. i do no that a few sisters marry for this reason and be a co wife because of the limitations on finding one for just u. i really wish inshallah i find a good man but my clocks ticking and i want children so what are we as sisters meant to do if we have no means to find what we are looking for?

    • i will do the same. i been divorce twice from muslim men , now it is time to give non-muslim men a chance to prove that they can be way better than muslim men.

  10. i am a revert of 6yrs i have been single now for 3years i would love to find a husband but there just arnt enough events etc (or anything) for me to attend. it is half of my deen 2b married yet i cannot fulfill. my net work of sisters as u can imagine is small so there are only so many brothers her husband has! i unfortunatly have no “click” so to speak with them, i do wish there were other ways to meet and greet so long as its islamic. im going to the gpu in oct they have a marriage section meet and greet kinda thing however these huge events are far and few between, miles away from where i live and for me a single women costly. i think if we had more of a chance in finding a spouse we would. i would love to meet a good muslim man as any learned sister would however i am not willing to stay single for the rest of my life. its sad but true. i dont want to commit any form of haram i love islam but at the same time being single childless while u watch all ur sisters cracking on does feel lonely sometimes especially if u live alone like me, thank allah swt for the good sisters i have to support me

  11. Why does my copy of the Qur’an state: “In those ten years he destroyed idolatry in Arabia; raised woman from the status of a chattel to complete legal equality with man;” ?
    IF men or woman must do as the Qur’an states or be punished by their country; then there is no Islam (Muslims), because to worship God – Allah, one must be free to reject a teaching or that person is only a slave to the people of that country. Allah or God can only be worship be the free-will of the worshipper, or it is not worship. _ John A. Clark

  12. I am 42 year old muslim woman.At my age, i will not be having children.I have met a very good christian man who does not want children.I have been on the net trying to find an answer but it has been completly futile because noone has mentioned this subject.Do i stay single forever? Christians are people of the book as are jews and it does state that men can marry people of the book but what about women like me? does Allah require me to stay single? please, somebody, give me an educated answer.

    • Dear Farah,
      Why do you make any difference between “Christians”, “Jews”, “Muslims”?
      We are all the same, we are all humans.
      Do not bother about “god” or “allah”.
      They do not exist, they are all inventions of ignorant simply minded people and priests and Imams who wish to have a hold on you.
      Be free, think free!
      Do what you ( you and nobody else) think is good for you.

  13. I am a 26 year old Christian man and I am currently deeply in love with a muslim woman. I have asked this question many times and searched high and low for an answer. I listen to the reasons why and I try to understand. I question my ability to relate as if there is some factor or some thing as a non-muslim that I just “don’t get”. Can I really not do right by her because I am not a muslim? I know in my heart that I have found my soulmate. And I promise to God/Allah and to Jesus and Mohammad that I would live my life for God first and then for her and the family we are forbidden from sharing together. And I promise to honor and repsect her rich and beautiful traditions, culture, and religion. I promise that she could practice her faith as free as can be. And I pray she would teach our children everything that she could about it to them as I would mine as well. And when the time came if they felt compelled to profess thier faith to one religion then so be it, as long as they are good God loving people. I love this woman. And I want to do right and marry her so badly. I want to be the ideal husband for her that I know I can be.

    • First of all, I applaud you for doing your best in trying to gain knowledge, and I am incredibly touched by your sentiments about this woman you cherish so dearly :-). I have no doubts that you would do right by her and be a wonderful husband and father. Obviously I personally support you, but I want to provide possibilities that might resonate, or help you understand why it is generally looked down upon in regards to the quality of life for the individuals involved and their families. I guess there’s always an unknown…an unknown of whether or not somewhere down the road, in the heat of an argument or fight with your spouse, you say or do something you can’t take back and it’ll be relating to your difference in beliefs. Or there will be a change of heart about being ok with the religious differences later. ESPECIALLY the issue is touchy because the question is: what about the children? Is it better to expose them to different religions and let them choose? well choices are wonderful! But what if instead they grow up confused? When they are learning about Islam and they learn that it is not permissible (because there’s always a chance they will come home and question their parents) for muslim women to marry non-muslim men, how secure will they feel in any religion if they start to feel their parents aren’t technically following one “properly”? What if they choose to agree with that, and in turn slowly begin to resent or doubt their mother, the woman you love, despite both your teachings? Perhaps because there are unknowns and questions like this, concerns about the children’s welfare, that can wreck a person’s brains so much that it’s just one less headache to worry about if one were to marry someone of the same faith. Life is complicated, relationships take work, raising children is no small feat, and perhaps having a similar culture or religion spares the individuals and their families from additional challenges? That being said, of course there are interfaith marriages that face these issues, and are able to succeed because the pair were able to communicate everything and agree to everything they plan to do in regards to raising their children…AND they have the will power to stick together! Let me ask out of curiosity: What does your woman say about all this? Is she saying she can’t marry you because you’re not muslim? How about her family? Is learning about each other’s religions off the table? Is one possibly converting to the other not at all likely? What if she says she wants to raise the children as Muslims (maybe because she’ll be spending more time raising them and it’s all she knows?), will you be ok with that? Most importantly, is she worth the potential (and I DO mean POTENTIAL, not definite) resistance from her family, the potential time and energy it may take to win them over as you are? A friend of mine is Muslim, family-oriented such as yourself, and literally she dreams about her husband and her praying together, taking walks together or with their kids, having a peaceful wedding and pleasant family life wherein her husband is welcome with open arms by her relatives. Is your woman like this? If converting into Islam was the only way to be with her as far as her family was concerned, and you did for either that or yourself, would you forever feel resentment that you weren’t accepted as you were or would the happiness coming from being openly allowed to marry her be worth it? I’m sorry for all the questions, some of the things I’ve said might even worry you, but remember, I am actually on your side! You have a great heart and honest intentions, that’s all anyone could ask for. I just want to try and help you understand a little bit about some of the social and familial concerns that arise in interfaith relationships, as well as gauge how much you’ve thought about those implications. Also, you intrigue me! I’d love to hear from you! Be strong!

      • First of all thank you for the kind words of encouragement. As for your questions… well, I understand the unknown and the questions therein, but we never did anything in life for fear of failing then we would never know what it is to win. And I know in my soul that I am not the person to ever call her faith and mine into an argument. She stated once that she had wished to be with a man that would encourage and help her become a better Muslim. And though I am not a Muslim I want to be that man. She has already helped me become a better Christian by her being a good a Muslim. Learning about Islam has only given me a clearer more well-rounded understanding of the higher being we all worship, and it has served to only bring me closer to him through more understanding. For after all, we worship the same God. And both of us believe that God/Allah puts challenges in our life to overcome, and he gives us what he knows we can handle. And no relationship is without issue and any long lasting one will have to learn to grow together and overcome, so though it isn’t ideal I have faith that it is certainly worth it. And as for our children… I love everything about her culture and I fully encourage and support her teaching as much as she can to them about it and her religion, as I will mine. When they come of age and start asking the questions I will tell them what I learned searching for similar answers. I believe we are different branshes of the same tree and both religions, and also including Judaism, all tell the same basic story in the beginning and from what I can tell they start to branch off around the tempting of man. Man isn’t perfect, neither is religion because although pure in its origin from God/Allah, it is influenced directly or indirectly by man and his interpretation and viewpoint. Ultimately, we are all the same children of the same being. And throughout the ages he has unveiled three distinct paths to help guide us back to him. In life we must transverse a path and find our way back to him. So be it Muslim, Christian, or Jew… God will judge us on the content of our character and the deeds during our lifetime and not from which path we hail. So as long as we instill in them the correct character and the knowledge of our faiths, then I think that we have done well. I have no qualms if the profess their faith to Allah because I believe he and God are one and the same.
        She had mentioned that her biggest fear is to cause hurt and pain in her family… and that makes me sad thinking about that because family is big to me as it is to her as well. Is she worth the effort and the struggle it might take to get them to accept us and a marriage… I know in my heart it most certainly is.
        So no it sin’t going to be easy at times and yes we understand the obstacles to overcome… but the beauty in life is that God/Allah knows best and we must overcome and sometimes the road less traveled is the most rewarding. I don’t have all the answers, but who on this earth can say they do. Only God/Allah does. I do know that I have all the love and respect in the world for her and everything she is. It’s far from ideal but making it to heaven through hell would be worth it IF it were to be that hard, but hopefully it wouldn’t be.

    • Hey Rent! I added to my reply to your post, but it got added as a comment instead of a reply, so refer to my comment below that I left on July 20, 2011 at 4:15 am (apparently…?…bah, timezones lol). Thanks and I hope to hear from you!

    • Rent it seems like you have a very good grasp of the situation. Your optimism is very admirable and crucial in complicated situations like this, so don’t ever lose it :-)! This woman is very lucky to have met someone who cares for her so much. It would be tragic to give up on such a special bond without doing your very best. You make a great point that man isn’t perfect, therefore religion isn’t perfect. And I also agree with you 100% that it was pure when Allah (swt) revealed it to His messengers. That has always been a thorn on my side, the idea that I should consider what this scholar says or that, because ultimately it is interpretation and no man is perfect. I believe that your best source of guidance is Allah (swt) Himself, to whom we pray everyday. The treatment of women who have married non-Muslims is also extreme. None of us have the jurisdiction, save Allah (swt), to place judgment or deliver punishment. It truly is the content of our characters and our Niyyah (intention) in our actions that hold value. By the way, are you two of different ethnic cultures too? Just wondering because you’ve mentioned that you love her culture, so I’m assuming it’s not the same as yours. Your particular situation gets more and more inspiring. Have you spoken with her about all this? Did she have any concerns that led you to research this topic?

      • We were both born and raised in Houston, Texas but she is Pakistani and I am Mexican. We met at work and being that she is soo beautiful I roused up the courage to ask her to lunch and since then my life hasn’t been the same. I have broached the subject to her on occasion but I wanted to gain more insight, knowledge, and perspective on the whole thing before going down that road. And of course I have concerns. I am concerned that I might lose the love of my life because society can’t deal with the fact that they might have it wrong and we might be meant for each other.

      • I’m in the same situation! I’m Pakistani, and the man i love is Mexican! Also an interfaith relationship of you haven’t already guessed. He’s a wonderful man and I also feel like he and I are meant to be. That’s so uncanny! And I agree, it’s very difficult to deal when you stand against a huge population that sees it one way while you feel there’s something not quite right about it. In such a case I have always found prayer to help me clear my head and think calmly. Ultimately we can only do our best in this life.

  14. I’m a 22 year old Muslim woman. I disagree with this article on so many levels. First of all, matchmaking events you are talking about, how Islamic are they? It is the primitive way of dating and dating is haraam. I don’t think Allah wants us to bury our love and be single forever. I live in America, my chance in finding a Muslim man is slim, My liking him – if I could find one – to the point where I want to marry him, is also slim. But I fell in love 16 months ago. He is a non-practicing Christian by birth but he feels close to Islam because of me. He would eat pork before and he stopped eating pork, I gave him a Holy Qu’ran as a gift and he read it and he is ready to convert but my father doesn’t believe he is being geniune. I thought we Muslimas couldn’t marry a non-Muslim unless he converts to Islam. Here I have a man I love and am loved by and he wants to convert but my father won’t let us. Should I give up on my love because the ”tradition” prevents me from being with the love of my life? Should I become depressed and upset and frustrated because my family wouldn’t come to my wedding if I DARED to have one? I don’t believe that Allah doesn’t want us to be together. Plus who can guarantee that a Muslim man will love and protect and cherish me more than a random Muslim man? I know many Muslim men who are very cruel, rude and wrong. I know many Muslim men who believe in domestic violence. I know many Muslim men who would get a second wife if he could but my American, soon-to-be-muslim man wants to be with me and ONLY me forever? EXPLAIN these.

    • Don’t worry Saliha: Allah simply does not exist.
      It is an invention, a phantasy of people who wish to have an hold on you.

      Be free ! Think free!

      The only thing you have is this live on Earth.
      Make the best of it and marry the man you love!

    • Listen Saliha: while converting into Islam for reasons other than for oneself is considered meaningless, if this man truly believes and is converting for himself to some degree, than your father is simply being unreasonable. There is always a struggle keeping ethnic culture separate from religion. Many ‘versions’ of Islam or due to different ethnic cultures interpreting and practicing certain things different, yet the fundamentals are the same. This is a familiar scenario to me, so I can say I suspect ethnic clouding of judgement. As far as I’m concerned, you’re father is in the wrong for doubting a man he is in no position to judge, even if he were a scholar, because Allah (swt) is our Judge. But also consider this: is your father simply making excuses to keep you under his protection? Some fathers love their daughters too much to listen to reason in letting them marry anyone they may find not good enough for their daughter, even if they were muslim too.
      In life there are no guarantees, only choices…ANY person making guarantees are making empty promises until they have succeeded in filling them, so if there were a lifetime guarantee that a Muslim man would cherish you, not change into a monster after marriage, etc. it would take his lifetime to prove that. The only certainty lies with Allah (swt) and how He will judge us for our actions. Many make the mistake of judging and sentencing when they feel educated in Islam, but Islam is a lifelong learning process for us all, Alhumdulillah. We never truly become experts. To know Islam in its entirety is to say it’s limited, and it is so much more than that. Allah (swt) knows everything. So instead of wracking your brains, just do the best you can, the most good you can, and pray that it is enough for Allah (swt). Have your man do the same.
      Also, only to be fair, not all Muslim men are as violent and abrasive as the ones you’ve been unfortunate enough to meet…again, there’s a cultural and social flavor to their versions of Islam that have them interpreting things differently. The ones who are truly able to separate social influence and ethnic culture from Islam are usually the good ones, who respect their wives as they respect their mothers, who are loving individuals that give and keep peace, because that is what Islam teaches us, that is what living in Prophet Muhammad’s (PBUH) example is for. I understand you’re jaded, I absolutely do. But don’t condemn them all, after all your man is about to become one, yes? :-)

    • Saliha, this is my problem with religion in general. It attempts to impose rules that have clearly been derived from common sense or specific cultural/historical circumstances. These rules are all understandable from a sociological perspective, but to expect them to hold up and work perfectly across the whole range human experience (now and in the future) is impossible.

      Life isn’t as simple as: this is allowed and this isn’t allowed. That said, if you marry your man, yes, you will have to deal with certain disadvantages:

      -There may be significant cultural gaps between him and your family that are tough to cross.
      -He may find that he has a change of heart, or doesn’t find Islam to be his spiritual calling in life.
      -You may find that there are things between the two of you, as individuals, that you cannot reconcile due to the differences in background and faith.

      But you know what? This is the same essential problem that has faced any couple that is dealing with the mixing of cultures. Strip away the words, “Christian” and “Muslim” and substitute that for any other characteristic: liberal, conservative, shy, outgoing, compassionate, non-empathetic, self-reliant, dependent, vegetarian, non-vegetarian, etc.

      Figuring out who you wish to commit to is a tricky choice, and in my view, the only thing we can do is look at the pros and cons and make the decisions that make sense for us. Perhaps you think this person will support you, care for you and cherish you in a way that completely fulfills you, and thus makes the burdens of awkward cross-cultural and familial relationships bearable. Heck, maybe those burdens won’t be bearable, but you are philosophically opposed to your family dictating who you choose to be with. There are many conclusions to arrive at that require a lot of thought and time and care, and in my eyes, anyone that damns you for your choice is simply lacking in empathy.

      I believe the only way to live life is to make decisions based upon your values, beliefs and desires. Mine are common-sense ones: honesty, compassion and love. Yours may be different. It doesn’t really matter. Life is our struggle with human values, and we struggle because there are no simple answers.

      To make my view a bit more specific, I would say this, which you already know:

      -The guy you are talking about sounds great, based on your description.
      -Marrying him will cause problems with your family.

      Your personals desires are important, and your family is also important. Think a long time and see if you can balance both of them. If not, then you have some decisions to make. Whatever you do, come to that decision from a place of calmness, and embrace it without regret.

  15. Hey sorry I wanted to add something. Our personal feelings aside, we can’t ignore the fact that the vast majority of the Muslim community is against a Muslim woman-nonMuslim man marriage. It’s equivalent to fornication and the union is considered invalid. So i’m throwing you some caution, something to be aware of: even if you two agree with everything and I am supportive of it as well, do you understand the sacrifices she will be making should you choose not to convert? If her family isn’t ok with it unless you become a Muslim, she stands to lose their respect. She will be alienating herself and your children from the family and community she grew up in. All girls dream about their weddings, but depending on how her family feels, she may not be able to bring that to life. Such sacrifices for love are immense and may become very hard on her emotionally, but I’m sure she will still feel justified because of how you well you treat her. After saying this I wonder: are the sacrifices she’d be making marrying you as you are now more than, less than, or equivalent to the sacrifices you may make in converting? You may also lose your family if they are traditionalists as well, and Islam forbids the consumption of certain things you may be accustomed to, while also requiring prayer 5 times a day, fasting from food and certain temptations from dawn till dusk every day for the month of Ramadan, and eventually making the pilgrimage to Mecca for hajj. I mentioned three of the five pillars of Islam. The other two include declaration of faith ( that you believe there is no other god but Allah and Mohammad is His messenger) and charity; these are fundamental practices, the basics. Anyway, understanding and accepting consequences are essential in making any informed decision. Perhaps the sacrifice on either side is not as great as I might have made it sound, but it’s something to think about if you think any of these are likely the case. I’d like to think you love each other enough to find the sacrifices worth being together, and that your shared love for Allah (swt) is strong enough to beat out the perceived sin of her marrying a nonMuslim. Societies put on quite the pressure, don’t they? But then Allah (swt) knows best and who can say they know His ways and meanings thoroughly but He? Ultimately, individuals are accountable for their actions regardless of the societies they hail from, which is why I believe you must do what you feel is best that will leave you feeling peace in your heart, and keeping faith that Allah (swt) will guide you. Perhaps reading the Qur’an itself will give you the answers you seek? But Pray for good things, Brother!

    • Dear Pip pip,
      In your opinion marrying a non Muslim is a sin: it is as fornication you said.
      Are you aware how intolerant and fanatic you are?
      Do you really think you are a better person because you think you are a Muslim?

      There undoubtly exist an Ultimate Reality above and around us but that has nothing to do with the Christian god,Appollo, Amon Re and absolutely nothing with your Allah and his terrible ideas.
      Allah simply doesn’ t exist.
      Why do you make any difference between the good and the bad ones, the Muslims and non Muslims, the believers and unbelievers?
      We are all equal.Try to make the best of your life: love everyone: Muslims as wel as non Muslims.

      • It is perceived as fornication to those who say it is impermissible, it’s not my personal opinion whatsoever, as I’m a Muslim woman in love with a Christian man. I’m explaining to Rent that this is what the majority believes. I’m cautioning him of the opposition he MAY face because I want him to be fully prepared for any potential obstacles. If you read my other replies to Rent, you’d realize I’m on his side, not at all against him!

  16. JJ I think you have me confused for someone else…I didn’t say anything even remotely related to what you’re accusing me of saying. Rent has my complete support.

  17. Hi there pip pip and JJ, I just read you’re posts and was encouraged to read about your situations and (for almost the first time) find that there are some very well informed muslims and non-muslims who are struggling with trying to make similar rational decisions to me about their relationships. It would be great if you could update us on what decisions you made. I would be extremely interested to hear wether you each married your respective partner! or have plans! how things went with the families etc.

    I am going through conversations with my girlfriend over the many possible things that will come up in the future in our relationship because of our religious and cultural differences. It is great to read all of the opinions in this page. All the perspectives I have read here are very constructive and helpful.

    Here is what im going through, ( I do say “you” a couple of times but i mean you in general, not any other person who has posted in the forum )

    I personally am not religious however I was raised a Catholic by most traditional parents. Its probably worth mentioning that the spiritual journey I made as i drew away from my closeness to one “faith” was no less or greater than it would be for a person drawing closer to their faith. There has been much contemplation and wonder and awe and fear as with any great journey.

    I am now seeing a wonderful girl who I have also shared a strong connection with over many years although we only began dating very recently. She is muslim. That was the reason why for over 8 years i didn’t attempt to develop the friendship into a stronger relationship despite my feelings. Over the last few months though, much has been revealed, and it is now time for her to talk to her parents.

    I personally find it frustrating looking for helpful information and advice on this issue because I feel that so many opinions (although often extremely scholarly in nature) come off sounding a little naive, as very few people or religious guides can offer first hand advice from actual life experience that is specific to inter-religious marriage between a muslim woman and a non muslim.

    I find that the all too common question “what about the children” while extraordinarily important, is used all to easily by traditionalists to attack an idea that they are simply uncomfortable about, there being very few examples of situations where muslim women have dared to go against their families wishes in the first place and marry a non-muslim. I believe that strong respectful support for spiritual and religious beliefs of both partners is of great importance in any good relationship, just as I believe that the values and beliefs of both parents should be shared, deepened, and allowed to grow with those of their children. I am yet to meet any child that has grown up to be confused in their own identity from having two parents who are different from one another. Confusion may be part of the process, of course, but I think the result would be the most wonderful, loving, open and caring human being. Just the kind of child that any parent would like to have right?! (Or grandparent for that matter!)

    Is it THAT important when you consider that you’re child may not have the same religion as you? I don’t mind if my children are muslim. It more important to me that they share and embody their mother’s values and those of my own. Not that they choose my manner of worship over their mother’s or visa versa. Its worth bearing in mind that if we don’t have the faith in all the many values that we DO share with our partners, and the courage to get on with it and HAVE the relationships that truly will be inspiring to us and make us better people, and HAVE these children that we are ALL talking about, then regardless of their religion, these children wont exist at all!!

    Most of the advice on the internet has NOT been written not by people who have attempted such a relationship, in fact many people giving advice on these issues may have no relationship experience at all, or only the experience of their present relationship (ie no hindsight), nor actually know any muslim women in an inter-religious marriage for that matter.

    I have dated a number of women and all relationships were wonderful in many ways. The number of ways I have grown personally, including the way I communicate, share, love, and even argue is astounding even to me. It must be noted by many muslims today, that purely meeting someone in the halal methods dictated by the religion puts a massive limitation on the preparedness which they can afford themselves when “that person” presents themself. There are so many challenges. For example I remember being so jealous in my first relationship. Why am i not jealous now??? It is because I WAS jealous once and fixed it. Although i tried to stop it when it was happening, it was only after we broke up (after two and a half years) that I could really look at it, understand where I tripped up, change mode, and move on with my life as a better person. This would account for some of the reasons it is so hard for some muslim women to find muslim men with the qualities that you always looked for. A lack of life experience. And then you have to have experience to know what you are after. You see, you must experience great relationships in order to recognize the beginnings of a truly wonderful relationship when it comes along. Being conservative is actually not always healthy. It is encouraged of course, but that is how a religion keeps you feeling divinely inspired, dedicated, a part of a special group, and a little bit different to “all the other people”, which is nice isnt it! We all know it is!

    I believe that the scholars are avoiding the blinding truth about women not being granted the same rights as men to marry outside islam.. All religions serve themselves and maximize the chances of strengthening. All ancient tribes would steal women and carefully protect their own women from neighboring tribes. Its the same system. Its a mans world and the quaran is not going to tell you otherwise because its always been a mans world! Women have no choice but to break the rules that have been created for them by men. That is the only fair outcome for the unfairness we see in the scholars religious interpretation of marrage that has become tradition. … Or did the tradition come before the religious interpretation ??? … hmmm.

    I strongly believe in the potential of two people to have an extraordinary lifelong marriage and raise a family and even be advantaged by their diverse faiths.

  18. So many boundaries for so little use. The most important person is your soul-mate. It requires a lot of work to find one, trust one and develop a life together. You know enough to make your own judgement. Don’t throw your life because of somebody else’s interpretations. Life is balancing various interests and capabilities. Your interests need to take priority over somebody whose life experiences are so much different from yours.

  19. the system has been created to make it hard for men who are traditionally more likely to be more masculine then their western counterparts to get an education in the neo feminist arena if we look at how the education system is geared and what is actually going on we will find that women are now starting to out number men when it comes to going on for further education this as well as the cultural issue of she is not Pakistani or bangladeshi or he is not pakistani or bangladeshi or whatever adds to the issue people fall into the tribalism and forget we are all children of Adam the only thing that matters is are they muslim or not

  20. Peace be upon you all. I have been struggling many years to find a good Muslim man after my first marriage ended. I have three grown children and don’t think it will be possible to have more. Despite my efforts I have not been able to find the right brother. I recently reconnected with an old friend of mine who I loved since childhood. While we never married because of the fact that I am a Muslima and he is a Christian, I always wondered what would have happened if we had married when we were younger. We are now in our 40’s and both currently single. He and I found each other on Facebook and have been there or each other through many obstacles and adversity. He and I share a lot in common despite the difference proffessed faiths. He has a Muslim cousin with whom he attends the mosque every now and again. He respects Islam and Muslims but wants to remain a Mormon. I do love this man and want to marry him and want so much that we resolve the issue of whether or not our difference of faith will be an obstacle. After reading this blog, I think that we might have a chance after all. The fact that we found each other after so many years made me wonder if it is Allah’s plan that we be together. Please keep us both in your prayers as we work through all of this. I’m not sure if my family will accept this situation but I know that if it is meant to be, Allah will make it easy.

  21. There is muslims in saudia arabia who are allowed to see their wifes face after 60 years of marriage! By that logic Seeing your wifes face is also prohibited for long so why make it allowed? Haraam right? They have clothed sex only for the purpose of reproduction!

    Love is a complicated reality not an excuse

    And sharia law is mans flawed interperations of divine guidance which is 90% composed of culture of the arabs who buried newborn daughters alive

  22. I have been going on a lot of forums and reading about this issue and I would like to thank you for discussing something. I’m a Muslim woman, educated and like to see reason behind all decisions. My parents have been pressurizing me to get married for some time. I have met and known many Muslim men, both from my culture and abroad but it never worked for me. Then I met a man whom I instantly connected with. He is not from my faith. In fact he believed only in the good of humanity and has displayed valued of truth and honesty which I even rarely see in my Muslim brothers and sisters. He has met a lot of girls in the past but for me knowing my values he didn’t even suggest dating but marriage. I despite my feelings for him have been putting him off. he has lived in my country as well as other countries where Islam is practiced. He is open minded and practical and his family has no issues with me. He moved to another country and I believed he would get the idea out of his head but after a couple of months he has still proposed again. I explained about my reluctance a) about his being a non-muslim. b) what would happen to the children if we marry c) about the deep difference in our values. He is not sure if he would convert but has asked me to teach him more about Islam and recommend good books . He insists he would go with my values (he is highly educated and believes our values more or less similar) and that if I don’t want pork, non halal or alcohol in the house he will support me. He said the children should be educated properly about Islam but if they are grown up they should be free to decide and does not believe that converting just for marriage is alright. (I agree with him on that). Should I give it a shot. As in if he wants more information about Islam even or totally shut him out of my life. Let me add I have never connected to anyone the way I connect with him (intellectually specially).

  23. Allah prohibits Muslim women from marrying non-Muslim men in the Quran:

    “Do not marry unbelieving women (idolaters), until they believe: A slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though she allures you. Nor marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe: A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though he allures you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the Fire. But Allah beckons by His Grace to the Garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His Signs clear to mankind: That they may celebrate His praise.” (Al-Qur’an, 2:221)

    We see that the prohibition in the above verse applies to both Muslim men and women.

    Muslim men are given qualified permission to marry non-Muslim women, however, in another verse:

    This day are (all) good things made lawful for you. The food of those who have received the Scripture is lawful for you, and your food is lawful for them. And so are the virtuous women of the believers and the virtuous women of those who received the Scripture before you (lawful for you) when ye give them their marriage portions and live with them in honor, not in fornication, nor taking them as secret concubines. Whoso denieth the faith, his work is vain and he will be among the losers in the Hereafter. (Al-Qur’an, 5:5)

    No similar permission is given to Muslim women to marry non-Muslim men. In fact, when we examine the hadith (traditions) of the Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace, for biographical information about women in the early Muslim community, we discover that some of them had non-Muslim men who were interested in marrying them; however, these women insisted that these men become Muslim first.

  24. It is quite pathetic and dishonest for Muslim women to say that they can’t find a good Muslim man to marry, that most Muslims they come across are not practicing or are backward radicals.

    If we accept that the reasons for not marrying them are true and that thus it is a legitimate decision to not marry them, then what?

    The best alternative you could come up with was to marry a NON-MUSLIM MAN!!!!!???

    So Muslims are so pathetic that they are even beneath Non-Muslims?

    Even when the Quran says:
    …………Nor marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe: A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though he allures you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the Fire. But Allah beckons by His Grace to the Garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His Signs clear to mankind: That they may celebrate His praise.” (Al-Qur’an, 2:221)

    I think the real problem is that such women aren’t interested in being Muslims and that is why practicing Muslims seem extremists to them.

    If a non-Muslim is more desirable in your eyes than a Muslim I think it is a clear sign that the problem is with you and not someone else.

    • Yes the real problem is with me. I the women of the world. Who bend and mould ourselves to men’s wishes. We who live with our father’s then our husbands and then our then whichever child’s house that will take us in our ending day. Us women who change our family names to please our husbands. Go from being a Miss to Mrs. Well men they don’t have to do anything at all. Us women who give up our careers, our education, our bodies to give you the men your children. Yes the problem must be with us. Well you know what God knows what’s in my heart and he knows what’s in yours. It’s the tolerance and respect that set up apart. So enjoy your backwards ass ideals. My relationship with God is non of your business. The only thing you have to worry about is my relationship with you.

      And from where I stand. My heart is clean and my intentions are true. Us women well life is anything but easy. We’re an ocean no one forgives and forgets like us no matter how many times we are hurt. Please don’t hide behind your computer screen and pretend to know me. Says the man who doesn’t have the courage to even put up his name.

      To you I say have a good day.

      • Your answer proves everything I have said and by the way in Islam a person is to be identified through the father. The whole changing the name to the husbands is cultural.

        And stop playing the martyr. You are an ignorant Muslim that’s all.

    • Yeah right mate, all non-muslims are below muslims… (sarcasm intended).
      Oh and we are pathetic too… thanks a lot. Do you really think that there are no men out there that would not be more fulfilled and even closer to God than you and perhaps believe in Jesus, or other things outside the realm of religion??
      If you’re so keen imply that whole peoples are pathetic for the simple reason that they are different to you, you will always be stuck in your ways and will always go on judging other people negatively and not learn a thing.
      Know any girls that don’t want that sort of thing in a husband? I certainly do.

      • I am not saying that people are pathetic because they are different than me. Is that what Allah said up there? Read your scriptures, it is in it. It was said to you that Prophet Muhammad would come and the Christians were made to promise that they would believe in him. But you are ignorant because you don’t read it. Further more do you think religion is just some man made thing to make people happy and to keep them on best behaviour? Read up. There is a very important purpose for which we have sent here.

  25. You are not right about saying that it was okay 50 years ago but not today because there are ample Muslim women today in the west. 50 years ago if Muslim women were few in the west so were Muslim men. As for men can marry Christians and Jews. Not JUST any Christian or Jew but chaste Christians and Jews.

  26. I love how when the talk of a muslim woman marrying a non muslim comes up, the Quran verse is ready to be quoted RIGHT AWAY! Everyone is ready to throw that in our faces. But many other things people do, they do not even bring up the Quran. For instance how about in todays society, men and their families look for a the girls education and job more then her deen? Where is the quote in Quran then? There is one and we all know it. It says to marry a women for her religion. BUT todays society, the first question anyone wants to know is where she studied and where she works. The Quran verse goes out the window. How conveniently we pick and chose the Quran for our liking. Sad.

    I know many girls who arent married because they arent doctors or have a masters. The conversation does not even continue past that. Thats what muslims are turning into, at least in America. I can not speak for other countries. These are the GOOD muslim guys from good families, except how good are they if thats what they really care about?

  27. I believe the Quran is left to each interpretation. As everything else. Unless you follow the Qruan word for word in your life you have no right to judge others or pick and chose from the Quran. I believe from the Quran verse we arent to marry non believers due to what will our children follow. But muslim or not everyones children grow up differently. There is no guarantee that two muslims parents automatically raise and pass the deen on to the kids. What about all the muslims who are muslims by name but do not follow it? Is that still better then marrying a non believer who lets you follow your faith? If you can follow up faith and past it along to your kids regardless of who you marry I think that is what is important.

    I believe in my faith but not in my people who look past girls for ridiculous reasons, not from a walethy family, or is a doctor or too old, rather then their deen. You can be 30+ and not a doctor and still be a great women, with the deen and faith intact, but no one looks past the age or work.

    So If I am to find someone who respects my faith and gives me freedom to follow and teach it to our kids, why not? In the end only Allah can judge.

    So for those who keep quoting the Quran when this topic comes up, about women marrying non muslim, go ahead and quote the Quran as much as you want but make sure you quote and follow ALL of the Quran before you pick just on this topic. Do not pick and chose as you please to suit you. It is how Islam gets misinterpreted.

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