Archive for the ‘Gender’ Category
Back to the future of sex: The return of abstinence
By Shazia Kamal, August 23, 2010
http://www.altmuslimah.com/a/b/rsa/3917/
It appears that fear of other people and social “damage control” are the leading motivations for many young adults who are removing questionable posts and pictures of party nights from the internet. However, a conversation about shifting attitudes of self- exposure stimulates a deeper layer of thought, pointing to a re-emergence of the practice of abstinence. This layer was explored in depth by a group at Harvard College in May 2010, at a conference entitled “Rethinking Virginity.” Read the rest of this entry »
The Porn Myth
In the end, porn doesn’t whet men’s appetites—it turns them off the real thing.
By Naomi Wolf
http://nymag.com/print/?/nymetro/news/trends/n_9437/
At a benefit the other night, I saw Andrea Dworkin, the anti-porn activist most famous in the eighties for her conviction that opening the floodgates of pornography would lead men to see real women in sexually debased ways. If we did not limit pornography, she argued—before Internet technology made that prospect a technical impossibility—most men would come to objectify women as they objectified porn stars, and treat them accordingly. In a kind of domino theory, she predicted, rape and other kinds of sexual mayhem would surely follow.
The feminist warrior looked gentle and almost frail. The world she had, Cassandra-like, warned us about so passionately was truly here: Porn is, as David Amsden says, the “wallpaper” of our lives now. So was she right or wrong?
She was right about the warning, wrong about the outcome. As she foretold, pornography did breach the dike that separated a marginal, adult, private pursuit from the mainstream public arena. The whole world, post-Internet, did become pornographized. Young men and women are indeed being taught what sex is, how it looks, what its etiquette and expectations are, by pornographic training—and this is having a huge effect on how they interact. Read the rest of this entry »
The Marriage Myth: Why do so many couples divorce? Maybe they just don’t know how to be married.
By Ellen McCarthy
Sunday, June 27, 2010; W08
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/06/18/AR2010061804509_pf.html
As a punishing rain lashed across the narrow peninsula of Ocean City, Heidi and Kirk Noll stood facing each other in a windowless conference room of the aging Carousel Resort Hotel.
Amid stackable chairs and retractable walls, they and a half-dozen other bleary-eyed couples clasped hands and pledged their lives to each other. Heidi’s hair was still damp for the 9 a.m. ceremony, which took only 15 minutes, despite multiple interruptions from hotel staffers opening heavy doors that led to an atrium where the hum of a Zamboni on an indoor ice rink mingled with the smell of maple syrup from breakfast.
Vows successfully exchanged, and blessed by an Army chaplain, the couples clambered back onto the chartered bus that had brought them here, and made the wearing slog home to Washington.
It was an experience, the Nolls insist, that saved their marriage.
What’s more: Had they gone through something similar years before, both say they might still be married to their first spouses. Read the rest of this entry »
Burqa bans grow fashionable in Europe
http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/2010-06-27-Burqa_N.htm
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One advocate argues that those “imposing this ban are guilty of the same extremism as those forcing women to veil themselves.” |
By Jabeen Bhatti and Aida Alami, Special for USA TODAY
The movement started in Belgium when a bill making it a crime to wear a face veil in public passed unanimously in the lower house of parliament in April. The penalty would be a $19-$31 fine or a week in jail. The measure is likely to become law by fall, says Denis Ducarme, co-author of the legislation.
France followed and lawmakers across the continent are considering similar measures.
Belgium already has a law that forbids wearing masks in public, but lawmakers said they wanted to enhance the security of the country, promote gender equality and send a signal to extremists.
“Above all, this law was based around the question of security,” Ducarme says. “We think that it is important that all people must be able to be identified when in public. But we are also concerned over women forced to wear (a burqa or niqab). If the state doesn’t say ‘stop,’ the few wearing them today might be 2,000 in 10 years.”
The Muslim Executive of Belgium, an association of Muslims, estimates that between 30 and 100 women there wear a burqa. In France, fewer than 2,000 cover their faces, according to the Interior Ministry. Read the rest of this entry »
Being a New Mom: Changing Diapers in a Suit
*** A Goatmilk Exclusive ***
BY MISS MUSE
My son, J, is 8 months old today. The past 5 months have flown by. The first 3 – not so much. It took time for me to adjust to the reality of motherhood. There is a definite loss of freedom attached to becoming a parent, a feeling that your life is no longer your own. The utter dependency of a new life on your decisions is absolutely frightening. There were moments when I felt completely awashed in love, but others where I couldn’t wait to give my son over to his grandparents so I could gain some sense of myself back.
Towards the end of my 3 month maternity leave, I found myself looking forward to going back to work. The lack of a structured day meant I often didn’t shower or change out of my pajamas till 6 pm, if that, and it was driving me nuts.
I’ve been back to work for 5 months now. My days start at 6 am and end around midnight, with night feedings at 2 am and sometimes 4 am. I work reduced hours, but I still don’t get home till at least 4 pm. Right after I come home, I change J’s diaper (often while still wearing my suit), feed him, put him down for a nap, bathe him, and somewhere in there make dinner and talk to my husband for a bit before crashing.
As hectic as it is, and as exhausted as I am, I actually enjoy getting dressed up in suits in the morning. I enjoy having adult conversations at work. I like the intellectual stimulation of crafting legal arguments and the few victories I can gain on behalf of my immigration clients against the government. And I feel lucky to have found a person whom I trust enough to take care of J while I’m at work.
There is, of course, the other side – the guilt of dropping him off in the morning, turning around, and walking out the door. I know at some point he’ll go to school and I’ll have to do that anyway and just let go, but it feels too early. I always have a nagging suspicion that maybe, maybe I’m doing the wrong thing by working. Maybe I should stay at home with him. But I make my decision hoping that its the best one for my family, praying that God looks at my intentions and forgives me if I’m mistaken.
I love nothing else in the world more than spending time with my son. I miss him when I’m at work, and look at his over 1000 pictures on my iPhone any chance I get. The moment I walk in the door after work, his whole face lights up, he bounces up and down, he bites my shoulder with his toothless gums in excitement, he makes noises that are more beautiful than music to my ears. I feel ridiculously, undeservedly, loved.
Nothing in my life up to this point has been as challenging and rewarding as parenthood. It took some time, but I’m finally starting to have fun with changing diapers in a suit.
